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Original poster

I need some help but too ashamed to go to GP..

41 replies

Missgusting · 28/02/2010 13:58

After several years of being up and down I have realised that my life is being seriously affested by my binge eating. I feel so ashamed and disgusting.
I would really like to talk to someone who can give me some support but I can't face doing this in person. Does anyone know of an on-line support service that I can use? I have thought of writing to my doctor as a first step but dont know if this can be done.
Any advice or support would be welcome.

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justallovertheplace · 28/02/2010 14:02

Do you have an overeaters anonymous meeting near you? Why do you feel disgusted? Eating disorders are far more common than many people realise, and this is just that- disordered eating. What are your binging triggers? Do you have any depression or anxiety? I have had both bulimia and anorexia in the past and both have been a coping mechanism for dealing with extreme anxiety. If your GP is not approachable is it possible to see another in the practice?
ALso, how do you mean your life is being seriously affected? I assume you mean more than just healthwise?

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 14:14

Thankyou, yes there is an OA meeting in my town, I have looked at the website but I just can't face anyone in person about this yet. I dont know what triggers it most of the time, but there are times when its because I feel like I 'deserve' to or 'need' to either when having had a setback or achievement. It makes no sense.
It is affecting my life now to the extent that on a daily basis my thoughts are about sweet foods and how I can plan to eat them in privacy. This means that I have cancelled meetings with friends, encouraged my dp to go out and worried or felt stressed if I dont think I'm going to have time alone to eat.
I'm on a very tight budget and really can't afford to feed this awful habit either.
What I eat is affecting my health, I have sinus problems and headaches all the time, I'm so tired and lethargic and as I've put on weight lately I have lost all confidence in myself and my body.
I go to great lengths to hide any evidence of my eating disorder and my friends and family would think I have a very healthy diet.

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TyraBanks · 28/02/2010 14:14

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad about yourself, and I can understand how might feel that you will be judged for how you are. I agree with justallovertheplace that it can be a symptom of stress.

I would recommend On Eating by Susie Orbach as a first step towards understanding your situation. It's cheap and easily read in a day or two. She talks about how some people (i am one of them) eat when they feel sad/anxious/upset/bored/whatever, and how we've lost touch with what it feels like to be hungry or full.

Of course, I may be completely wrong and this is not what is going on for you, so apologies if I've missed the point!

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 14:21

Thank you Tyra, I will look it up. I'm not sure why it is, I seem to find any possible excuse to do it. I'm sure the answer is lurking somewhere!

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TyraBanks · 28/02/2010 14:30

Whatever it is, it is more than just lack of willpower or laziness or whatever. It is not just a case of 'Go On a Diet'. Dieting reinforces messages that some foods are bad and makes us crave them. For some people, food is deeply connected to emotions and the messages we have received from others (and ourselves) all our lives.

More important than dieting (again, IMHO) is to develop a healthy attitude to food that means you can eat whatever your body needs when you are hungry, and stop as soon as you are full. That may mean dealing with emotional issues so that you don't need to use food to calm yourself.

This is not easy.

TyraBanks · 28/02/2010 14:34

PS (and I'll shut up in a minute ) Susie Orbach's Anybody website has a cyber psychologist page that you may be interested in.

notnowbernard · 28/02/2010 14:37

There is a book for sufferers of bulimia/binge eating called 'Getting Better Bit(e) by Bit(e)' which might be worth a Google?

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 14:43

I agree, and I really do have a good understanding of what a healthy diet is. I make all family meals from scratch and am careful about what my daughter has.
When eating with my family or friends I do stop when full, and I have no problem with that. It's just that I'm always looking for, or making opportunities to binge on chocolate. To the point that I feel quite ill. I know I'm going to end up feeling horrible even before I do it but I still go ahead. Why?! And I do this every day.
A couple of years ago things were quite bad for me and I lost quite a bit of weight. I felt great, but I was drinking a fair bit of wine...
When my life evened out and I stopped drinking I found my sweet tooth again and realised that I wasn't going to stay a size 10/12 so I started taking laxatives and making myself sick occasionally. I let on to a friend when I was drunk once and promised to stop doing this. I did stop the laxatives and vomiting but didn't stop the binging.

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Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 14:47

thanks for the book recommendations - I'll take a look at that website too

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MiffyWhinge · 28/02/2010 14:50

there is also beat (used to be eating disorders association), they have message boards on their website and also real life meetings in lots of areas for support, information and advice

think there is a helpline too if you feel up to talking to someone on the telephone, have found them v helpful (daughter has anorexia)

MiffyWhinge · 28/02/2010 14:53

do you think you could write to your GP, outline the problems and explain that you feel too ashamed to have an appointment in person but that you need some help?

it could break the ice, make it easier to get yourself checked out physically

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 14:56

thank you miffy - I have had a brief look at the beat website. I did consider calling but think I would find it hard to get the words out. I would feel so sick hearing myself say out loud what I do, what a chicken huh? They do have an on-line service but its only for under 25's. I know will have to talk about this sooner or later but I can't bear to think about openly talking about it. That sounds terrible, and I'm sorry to be so cowardly

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notnowbernard · 28/02/2010 14:58

MIS - I'm sure you can use the messageboards on the BEAT website whatever age you are - might be worth another look

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 14:59

I have thought about writing to my gp yes, that would be so much easier and a positive first step but I dont know if they allow correspondance like that? I suppose I can always try, nothing to lose!

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MiffyWhinge · 28/02/2010 15:00

you're not a chicken, it is incredibly difficult to talk about these things and you are brave to post about it

without realising it you are actually more than halfway there already, it would be good to have some contact with your GP at some point soon as this could be the starting point to getting some practical help

good luck

Earthstar · 28/02/2010 15:07

Lots of people - in fact probably most people have some area or other of their life that they feel is "out of control".

How many people want to give up smoking or drinking and struggle to? Maybe 20% of the population.

How many others struggle to lose weight?

How many stay in unhealthy relationships?

How many are shopaholics?

How many have "embarrassing" health problems that they don't admit to or ask for help with?

IT is actually more "normal" than not to be struggling with something - don't feel ashamed or disgusted with yourself, just access some specialist support -you will probably meet many others with the same kind of eating problems. You are not disgusting and you will be able to control this once you reach out for some help.

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 15:09

thank you so much

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Earthstar · 28/02/2010 15:10

Lots of these issues have emotional causes and that is why your rational mind can't take control - you are not weak or badly disciplined if you over eat - its not as simple as that.

Good luck, you sound like you are ready to make real progress.

justallovertheplace · 28/02/2010 15:11

Just to add, I do think making the first step is the hardest. I went to my GP last year convinced that I was falling apart, my anxiety was so bad I was convinced that someone was going to come to my house and get me But my GP could not have been lovelier to this crying, snotty, jumpy mess of a woman sat in front of him, and got me the help I needed. I am now on medication and feel normal for the first time in a long time. I won't lie and say my eating is 'normal' as tbh I still have anorexic and bulimic tendencies, but mood wise I feel much better. The GP really is the first step in directing you to the right help, my referral to the local mental health team came through very very quickly

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 15:17

I'm really glad that you've moved forward justallovertheplace, thank you and everyone else for your support and encouragement.
Yet again mn picks me up, gives me gentle hug and points me in the right direction...

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BigBadMummy · 28/02/2010 15:18

mis I could have written your first post.

You are not alone and you are not disgusting.

You had the courage to start this thread, that is more than I have ever done on this subject.

What about tackling the anxiety if that is the cause? A friend of mine has just done a course of hypnotherapy and is a changed person. She didnt necessarily talk about her issues with food, but about how anxious and stressed she felt. Once that was tackled the bingeing on food because controllable.

I am trying to pluck up the courage to do the same thing.

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 15:22

I've just ordered that Susie Orbach book (nevermind that I ate a packet of biscuits while I did so - wtf!! even now I know I'm justifying this by telling myself that its ok because I'm going to do something about it tomorrow)
I'm going to think about a letter to my doctor now, I think its the only I can do this at the moment.

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Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 15:27

BigBadMummy - well you have contributed towards this thread and that is just as much a positive step for you I hope. Have you spoken to your friend about it?
I have never considered myself an anxious person really, although over recent months I have had some work-related anxiety. However, my problem with food goes back much further than that. I remember taking different routes to school so that schoolmates would not see me eat a single chocolate bar.

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Fimbles5 · 28/02/2010 15:50

Hi Missg - Just wanted to send big hugs and to say you are not alone. I finally decided to take the plunge and went to see my GP recently about the same problem. She was very sympathetic and my referral to the health team was very quick. I had one meeting where we discussed my anxiety issues, and the possibility of CBT techniques to overcome the problem. Unfortunately, I was so ashamed at my habit and I felt so alone (due to the fact nobody I felt confident enough to talk to would acknowledge that I had a problem) that I did not attend the second meeting, so am now back to square one. I know this probably doesn't help, but please take that first step to your GP. They can offer the help you need if you are prepared to accept it. Good Luck - am thinking of you X

Original poster
Missgusting · 28/02/2010 15:54

Fimbles - I'm really sorry to hear that you feel like you are back to square one. What was the meeting you attended? Was it there that no-one acknowledged you had a problem? Thanks for your support, it really is helpful

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