Worried about mums health and not sure what to say to her?

[thedollshouse]

My mum (72) had a heart attack 16 months ago and had to have a triple heart bypass. Since the operation she has been doing really well and her blood pressure had been normal.

Dm mentioned to me today that the GP has increased her blood pressure tablets as her blood pressure is starting to rise. I asked if the GP had any idea why this might be and she said that he thought it might be down to the extra half stone she has put on recently, she is eating sensibly and plans to lose the extra weight.

My concern is that my mum lives in a very small house and her partner chain smokes. When we visit her house I always make arrangements to take my mum out either for lunch or to my sisters as I can't even bear to stay in her house for a cup of tea as the atmosphere is so oppressive and thick with smoke. My sister is a smoker and yet she agrees that she can't wait to get out of my mums house because of the smokey atmosphere.

Is passive smoking dangerous for patients with heart conditions? I know there have been lots of studies that dispute the significance of passive smoking. I'm not sure how to broach the subject with my mum, she doesn't take well to any criticism of her partner, to be fair he may not be aware of the dangers. He is a very shy man and there is no way I could bring the subject up with him. Even though my mum has been with this man for a number of years they don't appear to communicate that well and I worry that she wouldn't say anything to him anyway. How should I handle it?

TIA

bump

Do you think your Mum thinks she is in any danger from breathing in the smoke?

I have to say that IME people who live in smoke filled environments even if they don't actually smoke seem to not realise how opressive it is. I am an ex smoker and didn't realise how absolutely stinking my house must have been for others. Ironically I cannot be in the same room as a smoker, even after they have stopped - it truly goes for the chest and makes me feel awful so I can understand you and your sister arranging things out of the house.

My father had a heart valve replacement a few years back and I am sure that after the surgery they either increased or changed his blood pressure meds. This may be due to the body's reaction to the change of heart mechanism, and might be so in your Mum's case too. There may be other factors contributing to the blood pressure increase - maybe alcohol/diet? DOn't know. It's been in my family's history for many years too but so far I am not affected. Sometimes the meds can be increased for short periods at a time. Although you say her blood pressure had been normal I presume that this was normal whilst on the meds already?

I don't know how to advise you re the smoking issue. Do you think she is aware of the damage that may be occuring to both her and her partner? Perhaps you could mention that you are concerned and see how she takes it from there?
It really is up to her and if she has been living with this for quite some time then you approaching the subject with her might be tricky.

I don't think I have been able to answer your question really, but in my opinion passive smoking is never good for anyone.

I don't think that she does think she is in danger. Perhaps in denial, I don't know. I think the problem is made worse by the size of the house, it really is very tiny and you can't really escape from the smoke.

When I was growing up my step father was a chain smoker and I was used to living in a smoke filled environment, I hated it but it never really bothered my mum. I think a lot of people from my mums generation still don't quite believe the dangers of smoking.

I agree with you there, it was the 'done' thing then. Its a difficult one, what does your sister think?

I'd talk to the partner. Get him on one side, tell him you're worried about your mum and see if he'd agree to taking his smoking habit outside. I don't know the technicalities of passive smoking but living in a filthy atmosphere must mean that the lungs are having to work harder than normal and that can't be good for someone who's been recently in poor health.

Thanks everyone. Chil1234 I really don't think I could have a word with my mums partner, we have never ventured further than the weather and the traffic on the motorway, I just don't think it would go down well.

My sister is in agreement that the environment cannot be doing my mum any good but she is also another one in denial about the dangers of smoking. She gave up smoking for years and years and then started again the day she was diagnosed with cancer! I have had words with her but she doesn't want to accept the risks and its her life so I have had to butt out.

I think next time I see my mum I will ask her about her bp and then drop into the conversation that I have read that the number of people with heart disease has reduced since the smoking ban (it has in Scotland anyway) then I will say that it is probably a good idea if her partner smokes outside. I doubt it will do any good, she probably won't say anything to him but like my sister she is a grown woman and has to make her own decisions. There is only so much unsolicited advice you can give!

Hmm I'm not sure where you would find the reasearch but i'm pretty sure I've seen research that says since the smoking ban heart attacks have dropped by about 10% and this could be because people at risk of heart attacks aren't spending as much time in smokey environments. I'll have a google.

You'll pardon the observation thedollshouse but it would be a pity if your mum's condition got worse just because others were too busy treading on eggshells, frightened to say anything and worried about causing offense.

If you've never spoken to your mother's partner about anything more than the weather now - I would suggest - is the time to start. Be assertive. You only get one mother.

Hi thedollshouse here is some research from the WHO:

www.worldheart.org/press/facts-figures/passive-smoking/

Thanks for that Prinnie. It doesn't make pleasant reading does it? I'm seeing her next week, I hope she takes on board what I'm saying.

Chil1234 I hear what you are saying and I agree with you, I just don't think in this case it would be a wise move. My mum and partner have a very strange relationship (well different to mine with dh anyway!). They have been together 7 years yet if you met them you would think they had only just met each other, in some ways it is quite sweet but in other ways it is very frustrating. I don't think my mum would speak to me again if I spoke to him directly, I know that sounds extreme but it is quite a peculiar situation.

I'll just have to hope that my mum listens to my advice. If she just shrugs it off I will have to be quite firm and tell her that she is putting her life on the line by being in that environment.