Aunt now very ill with pancreatic cancer - going to visit - what to expect?

[Portofino]

She has been told that she is too weak for further chemo to shrink an inoperable tumour. I know that she is quite frail, in a wheelchair, and that her ankles are swollen. She also now sleeps in a hospital bed downstairs. She is also a fighter who constantly downplays the situation.

I'm going back to Blighty this weekend, as my very frail GM and other Aunts will be travelling a long distance to visit her. She was diagnosed last Autumn and has been having chemo for several months.

I know the outcome for this is shit really. A matter of time. I've never been in this situation though of someone being terminally ill, and the last time I saw her was before her diagnosis. I guess I want to be mentally prepared, for myself, for dd (5.10) who is coming with me, and also to help support my GM (who already lost my mother to cancer when I was small).

Any advice? I have no idea how she will look even. What should I take with me? Normally I go back to UK loaded with alcohol, chocs, and tobacco, none of which will be appropriate this time. I feel very that the likelihood is that this is the very last time I will see her.

I feel strange posting this, as SHE is the one going through it, and my concerns are unimportant, but i hope someone will get what I'm asking....

my friend has serious pancreatitis due to an operation that went wrong with her gall bladder.
She has been seriously ill and in absolute agony. If she is in pain,ask her to accept all the pain killers she can get. The pain is awful. I had a mild bout of pancreatitis 3 years ago myself ,due to gall stones and i cannot begin to describe the pain. All you can hope for is that they keep her comfortable and pain free.
Morphine and pethidine are the best for this. I am really sorry for her. it is a horrible disease with a poor outcome unfortunately.

there is an amazing consultant in manchester at the Manchester Royal Infirmary called Mr Ali Sheen and he is a specialist in pancreatic problems.
Maybe she could be referred to him as you are allowed to go anywhere in the country and now they do pancreatectomies which is the removal of the whole pancreas.

Thanks! Hope your friend feels better soon.

Porto I've no experience with this kind of cancer, but wanted to say I totally understand what and why you are asking. I would say that she might well still be the same person inside that you know and love...though outside may have changed, you can still treat her as you used to, she will still find the same things funny, just be yourself though perhaps a little more quiet and ready to listen,

I'm not sure what else to suggest. Cancerhelp pages have a good section on what to expect, that kind of thing might help you prepare dd.

Hope it is a wonderful visit xx

Portofino, as you know the outcome for pancreatic cancer is very rarely a good one.

It's a painful disease, so your aunt will either be tired from pain or tired from the pain relief. She is likely to look paler and more drawn then you remember. Your aunt might have quite a lot of medical intervention (drips, oxygen, pain relief etc) going on around her, so it might be an idea to try and prepare your daughter for that as it can be a bit scary for kids to see all the lines going into a patient.

As far as what you should take, oncology wards tend to have restrictions on what you can bring in so it's beat to check. How about a photo of your family for her bedside?

I'm sorry your family are going through this, it's a really hard disease to try and face. I hope your aunt is comfortable and not in too much discomfort.

*best to check

Thanks for the advice. At the moment she is at home rather than in the hospital. I think she has reached the point where there is not much else they can do, just manage the pain etc. My family always talk about illness in hushed voices so I'm not sure how bad things really are. I think the fact that my 82 yo GM (who is in poor health herself) is doing a 5 hour car journey to visit speaks volumes. She rarely goes out now.

My dad died from pancreatic cancer 2 years ago. He was diagnosed sept 06 and died sept 08. Fortunately he had no pain (we'll be forever thankful for that) just discomfort and a lot of other horrid symptoms. He was a funny colour due to the tumour blocking a bile duct and lost a lot of weight. Towards the end he was very weak and tired. We just tried to treat him normally and be there to listen/talk when he wanted. If you have any other questions i'd be happy to answer them if i can. So sorry to hear of someone else going through this, it is truely awful i still cant believe my dad has gone.

omg my dad died 16 months ago not 2 years..DD was mithering me lol

Sorry to hear about your dad, maybebaby

My lovely Auntie died this morning.

I feel particularly bad as I got caught up in bad snow the other weekend and never made the family reunion. I wanted to reschedule, was discouraged by my grandmother and sadly it is now too late.

It's happened so much quicker than anyone expected, but I know she was in terrible pain, and I'm glad she is not suffering any more. Haven't spoken to my cousins yet, or my grandmother. Feel terribly for them.

RIP Auntie xxx