Is my son on drugs?

[sharry]

We have been a little suspicious of our 16yr old son lately. Yesterday while doing the washing an awfull smell came from the tumble dryer, I thought a dead animal had crawled behind to die but today while emptying the dryer found two small plastic bag packages neatly tied inside was small bits of green, stalky stuff?? Befor we confront him we would really like to know what it is! Remember it has been washed and tumbled dry we have no idea what it is apart from it has a smell neither of us can identify! But it stinks.

Hi Sharry

My parents found my brother growing grass when he was about 16. They got a retired policeman to talk to him and came down very anti and hard on him. As a result he moved out and was enstrangled from them for years. For years he had alot of anger about how they dealt with the situation.

They were ignorant about drugs, about marijuana and so it was totally evil and wrong to them. I feel that mentality and being so hard-line with your kid will not get them to stop. It makes them more secretive and deviant of your expectations of them.

Like other posters have said, ALOT of people use or experiment with drugs at some time in their life. I am concerned that you consider this as an option ´alternatively help him find another home´. This could mean more exposure to drugs and division between parent and child.

I recommend you think about being more open to learning from your son and not making drugs a BIG issue, you make it more cool and exciting for him and may push him away.

Well papillion much understanding is needed! You see he's agressive and stood up physically to my dh. He clearly doesn't want to be in a family unit he's physically aggressive, swears said F U the other day. He wants all the qualities of living in a family home but doesnt contribute to the family. He is sneaky and snidy. I feel like I have been abused. like it or not I have worked hard at various jobs to keep my family in a decent way living, as a parent i do this for my children (that is my parental job). But not to be treated in this disrespectful way. Not turning up for meals having lots of time off work, being shouted at glared at! being sworn at
As a parent I cannot endure this, and this is why i feel he needs his own space. Each time we have discussed the issues with him, not shouting keeping calm and insuring the he knows he can talk to and trust us. However, he remains uncommunicative, grumpy and it is all down to drugs . His choosing not mine . All the money that he worked for last year has now nearly all gone 3 grand. It is his money to do as he wants, but what a waste! There must be somewhere out there other mothers who have gone through this or are going through this now.
HELP!

dont know if this will help but here goes....i experimented heavily with most drugs as a teenager and was probably not that disimilar in terms of attitude to your son. my husband was kicked out of home due to his 'drug problem' and even slept rough at one time. but it was a phase for both of us. we now have brilliant relationships with our families and are very close, both have great jobs, work hard, have a lovely little house and a beautiful baby. most importantly, the most we do these days is drink wine with dinner and get drunk on birthdays. what im trying to say is that as awful as things must feel now, let him know that you will always be there for him and chances are that he will grow out of it all when he gets bored with it. good luck xx

why dont you tell him if he doesnt like it at your house to live somewhere else?

is he contributing to living at home?

Yes custardo, he pays £10 per week a token payment! He recently had an op on his hip and didn't work for six weeks. During this time i said that as he was only getting sick pay he didn't have to pay keep. It was during this time that he spent all of his money so perhaps you can understand why i was miffed!
I wrote a list of things he would need to pay for if he left home bills/utilities etc. He realised that he cannot afford to move out. However, i have since increased his keep to £30 if he can afford to spend his money on 'crap' then he can pay a realistic ammount for his keep. I was saving his keep for him, but not any more!

I broke my shoulder afew years ago and needed two operations, must say I got really sick of taking panadol and other pain relief drugs. So I smoked quite abit of weed during that time. Its good for pain relief.

In San Francisco, until recently, marijuana was available for medical purposes.

There is a mind-set regarding smoking cannabas - some people see it has evil and like you say crap, some enjoy it like people do alcohol. I hardly drink, my dh does not like alcohol. Most people in this life take some from of social drug, legal or otherwise.

I am writing all this so you can perhaps understand more about maijuana and its uses.

I am sure you are well aware that teenagers are just like babies, they can change and do new things overnight. Whilst boundaries within your household are good for respect of all occupants - for me if it was my child, I would always leave my communication door open and not judge even if I wanted to. That way lies and deception are hopefully less able to multiply.

I have always been honest with my parents that I smoke. From being very anti they have learnt flexibility and alot more understanding about drugs. Not to say they 100% accept, but they have learnt it not a one way street to the gutter which they used to think.

did u smoke it infront of your kids pappilon?

dd is 22 months so the kids are grown up yet! I am not going to hid it if that is what you were meaning.

A friend of mine grew up on a hippy commune in the States - she saw plenty of drug taking of all variety. She told me once that it made it not something exciting, experimental nor deviant because it was accepted in her community. She has never been interested as a result.

Of course people react to social situations differently, just trying to indicate that I don´t think hiding drugs is right for me, because I think maijuana should be legal and so am not going to skulk around acting like I think its something to be hidden.

great to get another point of view papillion.

my son just now tried having a conversation with me about paying board v's a punishment he got for coming in stoned. he was grounded for a month - however he has started a summer job. he tried to argue that paying me rent negates punishments. i very elequantly replied " i would rather eat my own arse - go live somewhere else for a tenner"

think that cleared it up.