OK so it isn't angina. My dad has a 'leaking valve' in his heart

[OrmIrian]

GP diagnosed angina. We we all busy trying to calm him down by telling him that it wasn't that serious and he shouldn't worry Got taken into hospital last night in an ambulance and now he's all hooked up to machines.

He's feeling OK apparently - releived that something is being done - but I feel so bad that we didn't beleive that he was really ill. And the GP needs shooting! He told dad he had angina and didn't send a letter to the consultant until nearly a week after he'd seen my dad.

DS#2 was so sweet last night. When we got to the hospital mum was just leaving and dad had walked down the corridor to say goodbye and to wait for us. The 2 older ones gave him a hug and then DS#2 just stood there looking desperate for dad to notice him and then gave dad the biggest tightest hug I thought he's hurt him. He and dad are very very close. And then when we went to sit in the visitors room dad sat in an armchair and DS#2 sat next to him - within minutes he has curled up and put his head on dad's arm and held on tight. God help us if anything goes wrong

I just rang my mum. Dad is fretting about finances and making her move money about his accounts, and hassle financial advisors and write letters left right and centre. She's getting worn out with it all. But she doesn't dare not to do it in case he gets upset. He's also depressed but we're told it's part of the condition. I wish I could get up there more often. Mum has had enough

Your poor mum Orm. I agree though, a degree of depression is normal, it's all a bit of a wake up call isn't it? A realisation that they won't go on for ever. Hope all goes well on Monday and he's soon fighting fit again.

Poor you - it must make it extra hard to be at such a distance. I'm sure the financial stuff is unnexcessary, but I guess it's his way of trying to be "in control" of the situation. I take it there's no real way to get up there for a couple of days?

amis - that's the shameful part I only live 20 miles away. So I go to see them both 3 or 4 times a week, but I'm still working and the kids need me too. I have hardly seen DH since dad was admitted.

Gosh if you're seeing them 3 or 4 times a week, that's hardly something to be ashamed of! I thought from the way you were talking, you were far away and hardly got to see them!

Between job, children etc, of course you can't manage more than that. I'm amazed you're managing that much.

Orm, Sorry to hear that it's so stressful at the moment. You are doing a great job supporting everyone, just make sure that you are getting some support for you
Has your dad spoken to anyone other than medical/nursing staff? I think that it might be really useful for him to talk to another patient who has had a similar operation to what he's about to have done. IME, seeing and talking to someone who has had a similar kind of surgery can do more to allay a patient's worries than all the talking that medical and nursing staff can do.If you think it's appropriate, it's also useful for you all to go and have a look around the ITU where he'll wake up, so you all are familiar with what it looks like and the staff are usually really good about explaining what will be happening up there, as well as what all that equipment is for. Having it all explained can help to take some of the anxiety away, and give him some control over his recovery. (eg some patients like to know that they'll have their teeth in and glasses on as soon as they wake up, so they'll look "normal" for visitors).
Enjoy your weekend, and don't do too much!

Thanks stan. Dad is having the op at BRI in Bristol - he is now in Weston General so we can't really go and have a look. In fact we aren't sure if he'll be able to have visitors when he is there - may be straight back to Weston after the op.

I have met/heard of loads of people who have has a bypass since dad went it and all seemed to do very well. But short of dragging them all in to see him all I can do is relay their stories as well as I can. Doesn't help that the chap opposite dad had a bypass (in another hospital) and is in Weston now because he got an infection from it.

He seems a lot better today. Much more cheerful. He got some sleep last night which helped.

I took him a cheap and cheerful CD player and got some audio books from the library. He was finding it hard to concentrate on reading.

The doctor told him that the damage to his heart wasn't down to lifestyle (boringly clean-living my parents) but due to childhood illness - probably pneumonia when he was 10.

Glad to hear he's feeling a bit more chirpy - good thought about the audio books, it can be very hard to concentrate in hospital. Interesting about the cause - I know my gran had a weakened heart due to rheumatic fever (probably) when she was young. I guess these sorts of things just didn't get picked up n so much back then.

orm i'm sorry to see this. my dad had a heart attack and heart failure almost 10 years ago, he was given 5 months to live but he is more or less fine now, just can't go above a certain altitude. he also gets tired easily and has to take a lot of drugs.

it was a terrible shock at the time, it felt like saying goodbye forever every time he went out of the room! once you get past the op you can all start to concentrate on recovery. glad your dad is feeling better today. xx

Thanks fishsie

It was a horrible shock but everyone is getting calmer about it all now. I had that 'last time' feeling when I saw him in hospital the first time I visited. But that is fading a little. But still a bit shaky about Friday.

it is of course so frightening for them as well. big strong dads suddenly becoming mortal.

now mine makes me do loads of work when i go round for lunch

Hope it goes well today Orm.

Thanks saggar, but the op isn't until Friday. I wish it was today - we all need to get it over with

BTW does anyone know how you find out the outcome of an op? Dad will be there without us as they are moving him to a different hospital for it. Will anyone inform us or will we have to keep ringing for news?

Sorry Orm. [dozy]

I'm sure the staff will call, or ask for a number you can call; if he's having an 'open procedure' I would assume he is going to ICU afterwards?

He'll go to ITU straight after the op. Usually the nurse who is caring for him will ring you. It might be worth ringing BRI cardiac intensive care and finding out what they normally do, it'll also give you chance to find out about visiting times and restrictions, parking,what to bring, all that kind of stuff.
It's also worth knowing that the surgeon will usually quote you a 3-4 hour op time, however from the time the patient leaves the ward, goes to the anaesthetic room, has the op and then is transferred to ITU, it can be about 5 hours. It panics a lot of people when they ring ITU after 3 hours and the patient still isn't back.
hang on in there!

Thanks. I will try to contact the BRI to find out some more.

Wishing your dad all the best for tomorrow. Hope you're ok x

Thanks stan

I am currently faling into a bottle of wine.

Hope it all goes smoothly today Orm.

Thanks saggar.

It went well. But it took until just after 4pm to find out. I feel like I've aged about 10 yrs today.

SO releived.

Thanks everyone

Went to see him in ICU. . He looked dreadful, a little frail old man. He was half-asleep and unclear in his speech. Blood-pressure kept dipping and the alarm went off. I guess it's early days.

I don't think I can face doing that trip again too soon DH says he will take mum tomorrow but I can't help feeling that's copping out.

harebelle, stan... anyone who knows about such things, is low bp a big problem in the circs? I am assuming not as no-one was rushing around in panic. Hope not