Please settle an argument I've been having with DH

[pie]

Well, DH and I have been discussing one of us getting sterilized after this baby is born as we have no faith in anything else since my IUD failed.

I said I would prefer him to get his tubes tied as it is less invasive then if I had mine done.

He said its not more invasive.

He told me that when his mother had her youngest DS, 14 years ago, that she had them tied straight after the delivery in the delivery room. I said well then she must have had a c-section, and I'm not planning on that. He INSISTS that she had a vaginal delivery, he says he KNOWS. He tells me that the UK is backwards as you can preform tubal ligation on a woman through her vagina in the States. (Mind you he's always telling me how much better 'home' is than here).

He was 12 when his brother was born, and I'm pretty sure that he just had no idea what was going on. I've said this and been accused of calling him an idiot!!!!

My question is, can his mother have had the procedure, without an operation, straight after a vaginal birth. This was 14 years ago, any such procedure available anywhere back then.

Or has DH probably never realises or been told that a)his mum went back to the hospital for op or b)his brother was not delivered vaginally.

Please help as this has caused hours of name calling

I cannot believe you can have your tubes tide without an op... I am no expert but I have seen the tube tie op on tele and it requires surgery..... BTW - tube tie is also not full proof 2 in 1000 get pregnant!

Tell him to get his operation....

Look what I have found from the US of A
This first site is about BRAND new non surgical sterilization
www.uiowa.edu/~ournews/2003/april/040303sterilization.html
And this site confirms how it is done in the USA today !
www.1uphealth.com/health/tubal_ligation_info.html
I tried to do the links and failed !

It is SURGERY!

The closest I found was a site which refered to having the incision made through the back of the vagina rather than the abdomen.

Thanks pupuce...looks like 14 years ago DH was duped

When trying to find the answer to this I was surprised to find that having tubal ligation under 30 meant an increase risk of a hysterectomy later on, as I'm 26 that as seriously put me off.

In fact has anyone out there, or their DH, had a permanent procedure done? Especially as young as DH and I are (both 26). Do people think its a bad idea to be considering this?

DD was conceived after a druken (bad) attempt to use a cap (though I did want to get pregnant so I wasn't upset), my second pregnancy (which I miscarried) was after a condom split, and my current pregnancy was after an IUD, that was in place, just failed.

I can't take the pill as it severely inteferes with my absorbtion of Vit B12 (and hence contributes to my long term clinical depression).

So what should I use after DD2 is born?
I could try the cap, condom and IUD again but have serious trust issues now...

Please don't tell me I'll have to be celibate!!!

BTW - can't you ask his mum??? Be curious to hear her answer !

Soupdragon, that would still be some sort of surgury though, wouldn't it?

pupuce, I thought about asking MIL but have met her twice in my entire life as she lives in the States and I think that would be a bit weird...

I asked DH to ask her but he said he wouldn't as he knew he was right.

My personal opinion is that you are both too young to use a final solution.... you never knows what will happen - one of you can start a new life (you can seperate or die - sorry being blunt here) and so this would mean no kid with this new family... also should something terrible happen to one of your kids... what if you want another one when you are 35? Having said that SPD does not improve as a condition so you may well decide that you will never want to be pregnant....

The doctors will NOT tie your tubes straight after delivery (in case something happens to the baby) unless its an emergency. I asked all this when pregnant with DD2.

Yes they do... at least they do in the US.... they will tie your tubes during a section !

Not in the UK.

Women can and are sterilised in the UK at caesarean section. However, it is not advisable for the reason mieow said. Also it has a higher failure rate (1 in 200) because the tubes are bigger in pregnancy and more able to rejoin.
Some of our consultants will sterilise women at C/S and they are informed of the increased failure rate. Rate of failure outwith pregnancy period is is 1 in 2000.

I have seen recently a couple whose dh was sterilised during her pregnancy and she went on to have a stillbirth.

I have also seen women being sterilised (rarely) after a normal delivery. That is done surgically in the method described in pupuce's link - via the abdomen. I am not aware of a sterilisation procedure performed through the vagina.

There is the argument that it is less invasive for a man to be sterilised because it can be done under local anaesthetic, however men can suffer complications as can women. Risk of infection etc. There is also a question of increased risk of testicular cancer. That seems to be related to cancers progressing more rapidly that had been detected prior to surgery.

I was sterilised after my last baby. I did not want my dh to have it done incase something ever happened to me ( death, divorce) and he met someone else. I met a couple where the husband has luckily had a successful vasectomy reversal after marriage this second wife. His first wife had died unexpectedly after a brain haemorrhage. They had believed their family was complete when he had had his vasectomy.
I also felt that my fertility would end naturally anyway at some point, wheras his would not.
For women the result is instant, and I don't think the post operative discomfort is any more than a man would experience.

The bottom line is that both partners need to be in total agreement about who is getting sterilised and comfortable with that. If there isn't agreement you can find excuses not to have it done. The best excuse is to say 'I don't want to be sterilised' instead of trying to find evidence to say why it is inadvisable. Sounds to me like you, as a couple, are not ready to make that commitment, whether his argument is right or not. Sorry for such a rambly post but trying to cover all negative bases .

I was sterilised after ds was born by c section. I had a chat with the consultant and had no problems convincing him that I was serious, and that I knew what I would mean. I think I was helped by the fact that I was 37, and had a rough time with my second pregnancy. To get aroung the increased risk of failure I had my tubes removed, rather than cut and/or clipped. I have had no regrets, but I was sure that I never wanted to be pregnant again whatever the circumstances.

IMO I agree with pupuce and mears. I feel that you are too young to be sterilized. You are still a young woman at 26. I will give you an example.
One of my friends was in a very violent relationship with her ex husband. After having 3dd's she decided she did not want any more children with this man so she got sterilized. A couple of years later she decided to leave her ex and start a new life. She met and fell in love with a much younger man who took her 3 dd's on as his own (he has no children). They are heartbroken that they cannot have a child together. They have been together now 10 years and seen many specialists to have her tubes undone but the doctors said it was impossible. They cannot afford IVF. They do not want to adopt.Now she is in her early 40's and feels that the chances are passing them by. The point I am trying to make is that life can change so drastically in a matter of months or years and the decision you make will affect you for the rest of your life. It is up to you to decide if you want to be sterilized or not.

I've been sterilised twice, ( because it failed and I fell pregnant) first done when I was 30 and again at 34. Both times done under a GA, but could have been done under a local 2nd time round as there is a choice now, but the consultant said in view of my failed sterilisation he wanted to find out why it had failed and to be sure it wouldn't happen again and it might mean the removal of part of my fallopian tubes. In the event it didn't, and ait was easier second time round as my children were older and no lifting involved.

I chose sterilisation for the same reason as Mears, but I do think that 26 is too young. I know many women who have had it done, they seem to suffer less than men, but that is probably because we are women!!

Pie, General thought but my impression from previous mails was that its dh that would passionately NOT want you to fall pregnant again. So.... put the emphasis on him!

I haven't read through all the postings properly so possibly someone's already said this....

Also agree that at 26 its way too early. You're having a tough time with this one partly because its tough and partly because you're raw from the failure of last time. I totally understand this however you can't know how you're going to feel in 10 years time and therefore I do agree with the others that what you're proposing is a little to final. My overall impression is that for men the initial op is easier and can be reversed far easier.

Either that or use extra strong condoms. Most men complain about the loss of feeling and you can use this to persaude him that its that or him getting tied.

Good luck

Pie - was you IUCD a mirena coil? Mirena coils are supposed to be more effective than sterilisation. Susanmt's failure because it was lying in the cervix. You didn't have a problem keeping your coil in the right place. Just a thought.

Mears, I have thought about the Mirena, but as I have been advised not to take the pill as I have alot of hormonal/endocrinological problems, I was concerned about the hormones released by the Mirena, though I realise that they are low level.

I think that everyone is right about 26 being too young, but I've had such bad experiences with contraception I don't know what to do.

Oh yeah and DH has just read this over my shoulder and again insists that his mum had the procedure vaginally 14 years ago. He shouted, stormed off, and I think an argument is brewing.

In fact right now I don't think I ever want to sleep with him again

Pie - take a deep breath... you are NOT going to solve this tonight.... in fact you have weeks to go.... I have just e-mailed my osteopath too.... so I am hoping for a reply ASAP on your SPD problem...
Keep smiling and tell him it's not worth a fight !

Pie, you might have to say sorry to dh! Have a look here ! At least he can concede it isn't done any more though. Good luck.

Brilliant Lou - I think you have just saved 1 marriage

Your dh may be right pie; but as this site says, rarely performed these days. Presumably good reasons for this.

oh - too slow with my link creation 2 sites for you to look at now.

What fantastic info. Didn't know about the vaginal route at all. Never known it to be done.