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Original poster

So it turns out my gran has been deliberately starving herself for a week. She died today and the nursing home said they informed us she had stopped eating but they hadn't......

51 replies

foxinsocks · 26/10/2009 19:07

I mean ffs

they said 'oh we definitely informed you' so I said how and they said 'oh we rang the relatives we had listed down'. Not one of us was informed. Not one. And she died today because she was very weak and sick and although she was old, I imagine not eating for a whole week when you have severe Parkinsons disease probably contributed.

Surely they have been neglectful by not telling us that ?

OP posts:
TheMysticMasseuse · 26/10/2009 20:19

i am so sad for you and so sorry for your loss. my gran did the same, at one point she was so far gone with dementia she exerted the last shred of control over her life and she stopped eating completely. she was so very healthy otherwise that it took her almost two weeks to go. it was unbearable.

i think you need to make a formal complaint.

onlyjoking9329 · 26/10/2009 20:26

so sorry your Gran died and sorry you were not kept up to date, i think you should complain.

IWantMeBack · 26/10/2009 20:28

I would go to the place and ask to see in person the notes of who was called otherwise they will just write it out again and you will have no proof that no one called.

stillstanding · 26/10/2009 20:32

I just cannot understand this.

Surely, SURELY, when someone starts starving themselves then the home has to notify next of kin or whoever the emergency contact is and it is such a serious thing with such serious consequences that they carefully document those notifications and write down all the details? It is possible that your family would have wanted to take some form of action (eg put her on a drip) or something. I'm not saying that that is the case but you should at the very least have been given the opportunity to take such steps if you wanted to.

And even if somehow that didn't happen, surely, when she is near to death after a week of starving herself they have to notify everyone that she is dying?? I just can't believe that this isn't normal procedure and seriously think you have a claim against them for negligence.

So awful that you are going through not only the death of your lovely grandmother but this as well.

bumpybecky · 26/10/2009 20:32

I'm so sorry how horrible

MamaGoblin · 26/10/2009 20:37

That's appalling - they have to have some sort of protocol to follow that includes paperwork. If they haven't got this, then I think they should be closed down. In these circumstances, they surely must have realised that the family would want some sort of action to be taken, or at least to come and visit.

That's terrible, and I'm really sorry for you and your family, and your gran.

Original poster
foxinsocks · 26/10/2009 20:42

yes that's how I feel stillstanding. It's making me angry more than anything else.

Even more important as her direct next of kin (her son and daughter) are both at least a 12 hour flight away (and my family need to organise visas and my mum's brother needs to get there from Australia so probably about 24-48 hours).

One of my sisters and I are both in the UK but neither of us were called either and my sister (who doesn't work as she has a young family) left her number there last time as it's always fairly easy to get hold of her!

thank you everyone xx

OP posts:
stellamel · 26/10/2009 20:54

so sorry foxy you must be devastated.

My Dad has been in long term nursing home care for the last 7 years (brain damage due to infected sinuses). And believe me I KNOW that they didn't ring any of your family. We have been in similar situations on numerous occasions with my Dad, and if it wasn't for Dad having us 3 daughters and mum to look after him he would have died a long time ago in their so called care, he has been hospitalised on more than one occasion by their neglect. And this nursing home is one of the better ones!

Pursue your complaint, don't let it go, these places rely on the fact that most of the poor souls in their care have no one to speak for them or bother about what happens to them.

hoxtonchick · 26/10/2009 20:55

sorry foxy

sandcastles · 26/10/2009 21:21

Sorry for your loss, foxy!

How awful of the home to treat her like that!

Ledodgy · 26/10/2009 22:19

Oh FIS im so sorry. That is disgraceful treatment from the nursing home.

tigerbear · 26/10/2009 22:27

That's so sad. Poor gran, and poor you.

Wonderstuff · 26/10/2009 22:34

I'm so sorry for your loss.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/10/2009 22:59

Oh i'm so sorry FIS. Had similar with my nan when she was in a nursing honme. It totally sucks, and I know how helpless you must feel.

mother3 · 27/10/2009 10:06

it is so hard when some 1 u love dies.If you feel up 2 it when funeral arrangments are over inform the home u want to see documents of the last week your gran was alive.I had a simular situation with my lovely aunt.She had alziemers and was in a nursing home but she totaly lost her appietite and went to skin and bone cause if she didnt eat they had a time schedule and would just take her plate away. we use to take her sandwhiches chocs etc but she just chucked them back at us.I am sure your gran knew u all loved her but she is at peace now and hopefully reunited with her husband.Dont think your gran would want u to be sad.GOD BLESS xx

mother3 · 27/10/2009 10:20

i am not defending the nursing home they should have been much more caring and think wot if it was their gran or relative.Would they like the same treatmment for them.Saad these people have no respect for the ill and dying.Hope u are strong enough to cope.Grief brings on such sad emotions.

edam · 27/10/2009 10:22

Oh, I'm so sorry. Pathetic behaviour by the home - even if your Gran had made a conscious decision to refuse food, they should have told you so you could have been with her.

Mybox · 27/10/2009 10:25

This is very awful and needs to be reported and the wholse situation checked out ( sorry to say this foxinsocks)

Contact elder abuse to see what can be done

www.elderabuse.org.uk/

AitchTwoToTangOh · 27/10/2009 10:25

foxy, i'm so sorry.

BudaBones · 27/10/2009 10:27

I am so sorry foxinsocks. I can't believe that they wouldn't call someone. But in other ways I can.

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 27/10/2009 10:29

You can always try to get the phone records from their provider, or indeed proof from your own provider that you didn't receive a call from them.

Very sorry for your loss.

fishie · 27/10/2009 10:30

very sorry foxy.

PuppyMonkey · 27/10/2009 10:30

I'm so sorry for your loss. Is there/has there been an inquest? The coroner could raise these issues on your behalf if you are concerned? And you get the chance to question the witnesses etc?

MonsterousNasalPustule · 27/10/2009 10:30

Sorry for your loss Foxy but they should be able to produce the phone records to show who they called, the time and date.

Original poster
foxinsocks · 27/10/2009 12:19

thanks everyone

I should find out a lot more today and get a clearer picture of what did or didn't happen grrr.

OP posts:
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