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Schizophrenia, does anyone else live with this in their family?

18 replies

RockingRosebud · 19/05/2003 22:04

As some of you may know my Dad died a few weeks ago. I have an estranged brother who has not been in touch with the family really for the past 12 years since he was diagnosed and disappeared.

He found out that my Dad had died last night, he phoned from Wales at 7pm (I did 1471 to find this out). By 11.30pm he had turned up at my Mums (a four hour drive from Wales).

He always had a problem with my Dad and has verbally attacked him today. He shows classic signs of schizophrenia and takes no medication.
The secret police are apparently following him and he picks up on what you say and makes accusations of spying. He laughs hysterically. He shouted, I should say screamed at me at the top of his voice today.

I am really frightened for my Mum (she is 72). I am here 3 miles away and she is at home with him. I keep phoning and she says she is OK but I am at my wits end.

Rhiannon

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WideWebWitch · 19/05/2003 22:21

Rhiannon, sorry to hear this, which is not what you need atm. Has he ever taken medication? If so, is there a CPN you could call? What about SANE, might their helpline, here be useful? Other than that I don't know what to suggest, sorry.

sobernow · 19/05/2003 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

charliecat · 20/05/2003 09:00

My brother, age 33 is just the same, we all have moved and he doesnt know where we live because of the problems it causes, although thats of no help to you. He at the moment is homeless and we are meeting every 2 or 3 at the local supermarket with fresh clothes and some homemade sarnies. He also doesnt take his medication, if he did he would be fine but he doesnt and he wont.
Can you tell if your mum is really ok? My mum has only started to get scared of my brother recently and hes never scared me at all. The signs of the illness are worrying but i feel its still my brother under there.
Can you, or you dp/dh not go out and see what the situation is? Keep in contact with your mum and if she says anything odd it mat be the clue that she needs you there to help. Thinking of you

RockingRosebud · 20/05/2003 11:39

Have spoken to various people today, apparently the only thing my Mum can do is go to her GP if she wants him assessed or call 999 if she is frightened and the police will take him to a hospital for help.

The thing is if he gets help he will be here much longer and I wonder if he would disappear if we suggested he see a doctor.

A neighbour GP has just popped in with some advice that was helpful. Apparently it is very unlikely that he will be violent which is a great comfort.

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RockingRosebud · 20/05/2003 11:45

She told me this morning I am more of a nuisance than he is as I keep phoning to see if she's OK.

We are supposed to be having a family party tomorrow night and my other brother wants to cancel it but my Mum doesn't see any problem saying she will go and leave my other brother in the house.

Somehow I think she is deluding herself, she says he's alright then I say what about what he just said then and then she says he's ill what do you expect.

I have the advice now so I'll wait and see what she says. Somehow I think she thinks it's her fault that he is like he is but he admitted to me yesterday that he'd taken every drug available. Cannabis is apparently proven to be schizophrenia trigger.

Charliecat sorry to hear abt your brother, do you know what brought his on?

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Holly02 · 20/05/2003 12:52

RockingRosebud, cannibis is indeed a trigger for schizophrenia - my cousin was a gorgeous, intelligent guy with an outgoing personality until his marriage broke up & he started taking drugs. He was mainly into marijuana but also tried a series of other drugs as well. He has now been in and out of mental hospitals over the last few years, has been beaten up by drug dealers and is on medication for schizophrenia. He can't work and still seems to have good days and bad days, but it's tragic to see what he is now, compared to what he used to be.

I really hope for your family's sake that he will seek help and receive some treatment for his condition - I really think medication is the only answer, at least in the short term. All the best.

charliecat · 20/05/2003 15:55

Dont worry about me....my brother doesnt drink, smoke and has never taken drugs, his dad died and a lot of other things hit the fan and it was the stress that sent him round the bend.
My mum also blames herself, she feels very responsible for him, even though hes a grown man. My mum also knows him better than anyone else and the same may go for your mum and your brother.
If your mums happy to leave him while you party on then leave it at that, go with what your mums saying as its her whos having to put up with him.
Do you know what hes been doing for the past 12 years?
And has he chilled out since he arrived, stopped shouting etc? My brother changes from day to day, its a terrible thing to have to deal with, i know that for sure. Still thinking of you!

robinw · 20/05/2003 19:17

message withdrawn

RockingRosebud · 20/05/2003 21:54

Robinw thanks for thinking of me, things were going well at home until the brother turned up. Thanks for asking.

Things are not good here. It has just dawned on me that after a 12 year absence my brother comes home 4 hours after hearing his Dad is dead.
His feet are firmly under the table and he has been doing Mums garden today.

The family party has been cancelled. I said to my other brother that it will just be spoiled anyway as all we'll talk about is the ill brother.

I can't forgive my brother for what has happened over the years, threatening to kill my Dad to his face, punching my Dad in the face on my wedding day, saying to my Dad's face that when he dies he will dance on his grave at the funeral.

Over the past 12 years every time he has phoned it has caused upset and misery. I am fed up with it, he doesn't act or feel like my brother, he is a stranger to me in my Mum's house.

Today again he said he didn't believe Dad was dead and I said that I watched him die and that he was dead. He told me I sounded like the Yorkshire Ripper.

I know he is ill and there is nothing I can do about his behaviour but I am upset that my Mum is behaving in this way.

Today he asked me where the local tax office is, I said I didn't know and why did he want to know that. For the inheritance tax he said, I said what inheritance tax, there isn't any (as Dad left everything to Mum). What he was talking about was Mum's inheritance tax when she dies. My answer was that she's not dead yet you know.

I feel very alone. I really felt like our relationship (Mum and me) was really going well since Dad died and was exciting to talk about doing up the house and moving to a new one by a river that she likes. I just feel it has all gone now and I know it's selfish but I feel he has now got her 'prisoner' in her own home.

(If you've got a spare few hours you may like to read the thread I started a very long time ago called 'Am I the only one with a miserable mother'.)

Rhiannon

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robinw · 21/05/2003 06:56

message withdrawn

RockingRosebud · 21/05/2003 07:25

Today I'm actually wondering if he's filling her head with crap to gain sympathy. Yesterday he said that Dad told him he wasn't really his son.
Fortunately Mum told him he was talking rubbish.

He has also adopted a Dorset accent, I presume for my Mum's benefit as she is from Dorset.

My brother openly admitted he used to take drugs and I have told Mum that his problems stem from that and not from my Dad.

He used to be in a gang of 4, one of them has killed himself and the other 2 are like my brother. I think I may visit one of the Mums of one of the boys as she only lives around the corner and have a chat with her.

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scoobysnax · 21/05/2003 13:11

Rhiannon - what a tough time you are having.
Life must be pretty bad for your schizophrenic brother too. Hard though it seems, it would be good to try to forgive your brother for the terrible things he has said and done in the throes of his illness - he can't control it, and it could happen to any one of us at any time. He really is sick and not himself, but there are things that you can do to help him and your mother and yourself.
It is not helpful to agitate your brother or to accuse him of things.
It is likely that medication can improve his mental health a lot.
There is a website called www.schizophrenia.com which has helpful advice and chat rooms for relatives of sufferers. There are also some cheering stories of people leading pretty normal lives.
Maybe something good can come out of your father's death - maybe you can get your brother back.

verona · 21/05/2003 13:28

Rhiannon
Just to let you know that if your brother is admitted to hospital, either as a voluntary patient or under a section, he will be transferred back to his local area asap.
My DP's a mental health nurse and he frequently gives telephone advice about similar situations. I'll ask him what he thinks when he gets home.

Sorry you're having such a difficult time.
I second what Scoobysnax says. Your brother sounds like he'd definitely benefit from some anti-psychotic medication.

lyndap · 21/05/2003 16:03

Rhiannon,
My younger brother (24) was diagnosed as schizophrenic when he was 21. He'd also been quite a heavy cannabis user. He was sectioned and spent 6 weeks in psychiatric care. Since then, he's had no further psychotic episodes and he's very good about taking his meds. He occasionally goes "off" a wee bit but nothing serious and it's always quickly dealt with by his fab Community psychiatric nurse. My brother attends a rehab day centre where he's been doing a printing course and is now applying to do a plumbing apprenticeship.
It IS hard to have this illness in the family but the best thing is to be open about it - you'll be surprised at how common this is and at the support and advice you'll get.
Can't advise on your particular circumstances - situation with your brother sounds grim but just wanted to post that this illness is not always "the end". My brother isn't the same man but he's still a lovely man who's just as worth knowing.
Best of luck, I really feel for you.

RockingRosebud · 21/05/2003 16:23

Mum just phoned, she sounds exasperated. Brother has gone to the local tax office for her, she's not sure what he's up to.

Anyway she said she has spent a long time explaining that he needs some treatment but he is not interested.

She then said she has told him that he has to move on if he won't get help and that she is going away next week (she is with me) and that she is having the builders in (she isn't).

I think something may have happened to frighten her over the last 24 hours as she has changed her mind very quickly.

Will let you know more.

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KeepingMum · 21/05/2003 16:46

RockingRosebud, I've just typed a long message but lost it! I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, I went through very similar when my dad died. My db is manic-depressive though originally diagnosis was schizophrenia. Make sure you take time to grieve properly for your dad, although this is difficult with all your added stress. If you feel your mum is in danger from your brother she can get him assessed for a section, which although is a horrible thing to do to a family member (I've been there many times) does at least start the ball rolling with treatment, especially if your brother is reluctant. I am thinking of you, remember to take of yourself

Batters · 22/05/2003 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockingRosebud · 22/05/2003 17:55

Aah, thanks Batters that's really kind.

Have been out with Mum today, she knows DB has to move on or seek treatment.

My other DB is due to go to Mum's tonight, will be interested to hear what he reports back.

Mum's phone has been engaged all afternoon while she's been out, think he probably took it off the hook.

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