Dd had her visit to the clincial psych today..........feel like i've been tried and found guilty

[nutcracker]

It was about her hand washing/germ obsession.

Anyway she asked me about the problem and i told her in as much detail as i could and all the while she's looking at me as if to say 'is that all'.

Anyway she asked me what I do when dd wants to wash her hands for no reason and i said that it depends on the circumstances but that if she was getting upset or distressed then i let her as i didn't know what else to do.

She grinned at that and said 'well there you go then, she knows you will let her, thats why she does it'

So apparently it's all my fault, oh and dd1's fault. She asked dd2 who had told her about germs and she said her sister. So the psych said to me 'what has she told her ?' and I said 'nothing that i'm aware of', and she said 'well i think you should find out exactly what she has said'.

The fact is dd1 hasn't said anything to her about germs anyway.

She has told dd2 that she is now only allowed to wash her hands when she has been to the toilet and done something. If she tries to wash them at any other time I have to stop her and if she has a tantrum I have to shut her in her room and hold the door shut for 5 minutes or until she is quiet.

I mentioned her behaviour and she just shrugged and said it sounded like a normal tantrum to her and to just shut her in her room.

Oh and she also said that she didn;t think it matter wether the soap dd was using smelt appealing or not as it had nothiung to do with that. Erm right so thats why she sits there smelling her hands then.

Are you sure it was the clinical psych & not the cleaner or someone sat in the office? The woman just completely dismissed you! I wouldn't mind picking up a nice fat pay packet for telling a mother "it's your fault, it's just a tantrum". Looks like she's just been watching House of Tiny Tearaways and "advising" everyone to use the time out technique. The woman is a waste of space!

nutcracker... i think you should ask for a second opinion.

haven't posted on any of your threads re the hand washing... but have read them, and definitely agree that it isn't just a tantrum, or that she's doing it because you let her!

All parents LET their kids wash their hands... the problem is that hers is now an obsession!

FGS, is this woman even qualified?

god, sounds awful. what a let-down; I bet you'd been anticipating getting some much-needed help. Is there a self-help group you could contact? Do a google search, there's bound to be some charity or pressure group in this area.
sorry you had such a crap time.

I know I was quite shocked. There was a dishy bloke with her, think he was a student or something, he was writing everything down.

Oh and considering i sent a form in with detailed family info on it, she looked visably shocked when i said dd2 had an older sister and younger brother.

I felt like bloody trailer trash or something.

Am not sure what happens now other than that she writes a report and sends it to the doc and a copy to me. I have to follow what she has said and then i assume we will get called back for a progress thingy.

i'm so mad on your behalf there is smoke coming out my ears!

don't have any experience of the hand-washing thing but have been dismissed by the "professionals" in the past and it makes my blood boil to hear about your experience.

especially when you've probably been waiting ages for the appointment

get a 2nd opinion if you can

poor you

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

What with being virtually dismissed at the hoospital on tuesday too about her going blue i'm beginning to think they all think i'm making it up.

That was the best advice she could come up with??? Don't let her wash her hands and then lock her in her room????

I like edam's idea of contacting a support group/self-help group. They may have a helpline number to give you more specific advice about where to go next. I doubt that dd would need a diagnosis of OCD for you to ask them for help.

No Panic is a support group for sufferers of OCD and their families. You won't need a diagnosis to get help from them.

Thanks guys, will have a look at that link wwb thanks.

Was a bit shocked really as it was one thing i never expected to be blamed for.

It's not your fault; nothing you have done could have caused this. It isn't your daughter's either, she didn't choose to have OCD.

I would ask for a second opinion; doesn't sound as if this woman knows a thing about OCD.

It's definitely NOT your fault, Nutty!

Nutcracker,

Am very angry to read that your concerns were dismissed so easily by this "professional person".

It is certainly not your fault that this has occured either.

Would suggest you contact "No Panic" as another poster has suggested.

On a general note OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is not an anxiety related condition confined to just adults.

I wish you well

As a clinical psychologist myself I am socked at your experience. OCD is not caused by anything you have done. and it needs gentle careful stged appraoch to tackling the issues! Poor you try another one and I hope they know how to do their job!!!

Wonder which website she ordered her quals from!

You know I'm only barely finishing my first year but even I know how dangerous (psychologically and physically) it can be to try and force someone with OCD to stop - the woman's mental! Can you get the gp to refer you to a counsellor?

Message withdrawn

Lol - didn't look at the date, the perils of glancing through active convo's!

nutcraker - what was the eventuall outcome? would love an update as my ds1 seems to be heading the same way

Nutcracker what a shame for you and your dd as a CBT therapist in training this sounds awful!

Auriel is right a staged approach is best it soundslike this woman didn't even share her formulation and treatment rationale with you.

If it's CAMHS you can ask for a re-referral to a different professional. Good luck!

unreal!!! am shocked
Ive screamed myself blue in the face to ds1 about bloody germs and embellished it madly to get to wash his hands when younger.
He never developed hand washing obsession
So to think it is normal reaction to something you are told is naive.

2nd opinion definteily

2boys2 - I am Nutcracker, just spotted this so will update.

Dd2 is now 8 and 100 times better than she was. In the end I decided to wait for a while before asking for another refferal. I wanted to see if my way mixed with the psychs way would work.

So, I did give her rules about handwashing, but wasn't quite so forceful as the psych had suggested I be. Dd's obsession is definatly worse when she is stressed about something, and she seemed to use it to calm herself down a bit, and so I was a bit more relaxed about things, if I knew she had other things going on at school etc.

The thing that helped the most, was that once i'd given her the rules, I stepped back and didn't mention it again really. She stuck to the rules mostly and so she did realise that the amount of handwashing she was doing wasn't normal.

Nowadays she isn't so obssessed with washing her hands often but more the way she washes them. You'd think she were a surgeon if you watched her. But again, she realised winter just gone, that washing the backs of her hands all the time was making them sore, and so she has cut back on that too.

She still absolutly hates it and gets upset if someome doesn't wash their hands after going to the toilet, and she just won't stand for it. Poor Ds has been screamed at by her many a time when she has caught him out.

I am still glad that I asked for the original refferal, as I was really unsure of what to do about it, and although I found the psych quite unhelpful, it did provide me with enough info and stratagies to help dd in the end.

this thread is 3 years old

many thanks for updating me - most helpful - thankyou