Need someone to tell me it'll be okay, PLEASE

[bargainhuntingbetty]

My dad is going in this afternoon and will have his MAJOR cancer surgery tomorrow. This is the second time he has had the cancer and the second time this site will be operated on but this time it is a HUGE op (14 hours )which will involve artery bypasses and muscle rebuilding. I have just been up to hand in a couple of magazines and a card and he is not the ususal chirpy dad he is. Nothing ever phases him but he says that the 'brave pill' have worn off bless him. What else can I do???? I am popping over to the hosp tonight as he is going in at 2pm and will be bored by then surgery is first thing in the morning.

????????

Oh well am going to keep myself busy, bye.

I'm afraid I have no experience of anything like this but you being there for him is surely all you can do?

Thinking of you and him.

Thank you. I just feel useless doing nothing but I really dont know what else I can do.

oh, i hope it goes ok for him. Not really sure on what advice to give, other than simply encouraging him to talk with you - or even to cry. It must be so scary for you both. How about an mp3 or something, so he can listen to music to distract himself?

Hope tomorrow goes ok

Sorry you're having a tough time. You sound like you're doing everything right, although I'm not sure that there is anything you can really do to allay your Dad's fears, IYSWIM.

Acknowledge them, though, but dissolving into a terrified ball of tears and snot is not the best thing to do (not that I'm suggesting you would ).

A happy medium of 'Yes, it's really scary' and 'but it will be okay - you've done it once, you can do it again - one day at a time etc' is probably best. Sorry I've not been much help, but I didn't want you to go unanswered. Chin up.

HI, I don't have experience of such major surgery, but when people are in hospital they do appreciate visits since there's so little else of interest going on a lot of the time. Magazines are good because he should be able to flip through them if he's struggling to concentrate.

Just let him chat about nothing, or admit that he's not feeling brave about it - you don't have to "jolly" him out of that, just sympathise that it's all been a long haul and it's ok to not always be "chipper" about it.

He is such a strong, outoging person most of the time and this is so compeltely out of character for him I think when they told him yesterday that 'he was out of his mind if he thought he would be back at work on Monday' threw him

keep yourself busy and set yourself little tasks to do.
When you get to hospital take him some juice (be surprised how much you need a drink after ops) and as I guess he is having general, take some thoart sweets a the tube really makes it sore after.
Maybe a dvd player with some fav dvd's. You may to control visitors too, if you have a huge family (like us).

I hope his ok, and would guess hospital may be decond home for while.

Practical help: if he has to stay or go often ask for special carpark pass, we paid £30 for 3 months (would have spent that in a week normally)

HTH

Thanks all.

Went in to visit him tonight and he seems a lot cheerier and a bit more optimistic than he was this afternoon. Thanks all.