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Original poster

Can anyone with medical knowledge help me? My Grandad has had a stroke and is refusing food- what are the legalities?

42 replies

MarkStretch · 03/08/2009 17:45

My grandad is 80yrs old and had a massive stroke last Saturday.

He has been in hospital since.

He has always been a strong man, been a sailor all his life and to see him this way is awful. He has lost the use of one side, most of his speech and is unable to swallow.

They put a feeding tube down his nose which he pulled out. They tried again, failed and since then he has refused to let them anywhere near him. 9 days in hospital now and he has had one 'feed' in total.

Where do the hospital stand with regards to a duty of care? I am guessing they can't just let him starve to death (which I honestly think he is trying to do) so what happens now? Will they sedate him and feed him? They have mentioned putting a tube directly into his stomach but they don't think his heart will withstand a general anaesthetic.

Any answers will be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 06/08/2009 14:43

MarkStretch - how are you today?

Original poster
MarkStretch · 06/08/2009 15:51

He died at 10.20am this morning with my Grandma, my auntie and two of cousins by his side.

They said he was very peaceful and not in any pain. The nursing staff were fantastic and respected his wishes until the very end.

My 6 month old son is named after him so a little part of him lives on in DS.

Thanks everyone for your support xx

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 06/08/2009 16:04

RIP Grandad MarkStretch,

Take care.

peppamum · 06/08/2009 16:06

Wishing you and your family lots of sympathy, especially your very brave grandma.

My dad died last year, and while I still miss him like mad, I take a lot more comfort than I thought in the fact that he went quickly and how he would want to go.

Greensleeves · 06/08/2009 16:07

I'm so sorry

Wishing you love and comfort xx

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 06/08/2009 16:14

That brought tears streaming out my eyes.
Love and comfort to you and your family especially your amazing grandfather and grandmother.
I knew someone who faced things with similar bravery and in the same head on way as your grandfather.
ALl in my thoughts
xx

Original poster
MarkStretch · 06/08/2009 16:17

Thanks everyone.

After the funeral my Grandma is going to take his ashes to Turkey and scatter them in the beautiful bay where he sailed his boat.

I am so glad he's no longer in any pain.

OP posts:
gingerbunny · 06/08/2009 16:31

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My Dear Grandad died in Jan he was 99.
Your Grandad sounds very much like him, a rum old bugger with a great sense of humour.
Although I miss him awfully, i take comfort in knowing that he had fought all he could and he knew that the time was right for him to go. I hope in time you will be able to take comfort in the fact that this was what your Grandad wanted.
You will always have your memories and the love you shared.
May he RIP.

ScummyMummy · 08/08/2009 10:32

I'm so sorry, MarkStretch. Like others, I'm really struck by what a lovely, thoughtful, close and compassionate family you seem to be. All the very best for celebrating your grandad's life at the funeral. And it's lovely that your son has his name.

MarthaFarquhar · 08/08/2009 12:45

Mark, so sorry to hear of your loss. Your Grandad sounds like a very special chap indeed.

swampster · 08/08/2009 23:28

((((((((((HUGE hug))))))))))

littleboyblue · 09/08/2009 09:25

MS So sorry for your loss. {{hugs}}

PinkTulips · 09/08/2009 11:44

{{{{hugs}}}}

you really are an incredible family for letting him go when he wanted to.

wishing you strength to get through the nest few days, you are in my thoughts xx

edam · 09/08/2009 12:12

So sorry MarkS. FWIW I found it very comforting to think that my lovely Great-Aunt had 'a good death' and was happy to go (she told me so the last time I saw her, 24 hours before she died).

Hope the fact that as a family you respected his wishes brings you some comfort, too.

elkiedee · 09/08/2009 13:28

Sorry to hear of your loss but it sounds like he was able to express his wishes. It sounds as though you and your family will be able to give your grandmother lots of support.

DS1 is named after my grandfather.

BalloonSlayer · 09/08/2009 13:54

So sorry to read all this MarkStretch. You all sound incredibly loving and brave.

I have just come back from holiday and saw the thread title but dithered about posting, until I actually read the thread just now. My sister's MIL died recently after a long illness and some dementia. They live in Australia and her nursing home gave my sister a leaflet about what happens when someone is approaching death. One of the main "symptoms" so to speak was stopping eating. My Dad did too before he faded away. It may be that your Grandad refused food because he was dying, rather than him dying because he refused food.

Either way, God Bless you all.

mumoverseas · 09/08/2009 13:58

oh MS, I've just seen this and am so very sorry for your loss. As you know, I've suffered a recent bereavement so I do know how you feel. Sending hugs your way xxx

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