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Original poster

Are early abortions any more justifiable than later ones?

59 replies

Gangle · 19/07/2009 15:42

I know this is a really emotive subject and don't want to be massively criticised for opening a heated debate but just wondered what others thought on very very early abortions, i.e. less than 5/6 weeks. I have just found out I am pregnant and contemplating whether or not I can go through with an abortion. I know I just couldn't do it after about 8/9 weeks as it starts to look like a baby then, and certainly not at 12 weeks when it's fully formed. Does having it earlier make any difference? I think I am 2 weeks max and if I did want to go ahead would want to have it asap (via the abortion pill as I understand that surgical abortions aren't available until 8 weeks). Just trying to get it clear in my head.

OP posts:
Wilts · 19/07/2009 16:18

Gangle - You can put your postcode into the BPAS website to see if they have a centre near to you. I certainly didn't realise there was one near me until I needed it.

I think it is the same with Marie Stopes. Just because they offer termination doesn't mean they will sway you to make that decision if it is not the right one for you.

StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2009 16:19

Sorry Gangle I didn't realise there were already threads on this.
Only you can decide if your reasons are valid - do you have support other than your DH?

lou031205 · 19/07/2009 16:20

Gangle, I'm sorry you are in that situation. Please do go and talk to someone. You obviously wouldn't TTC in this situation, but as you are pregnant already, you have to be really as clear as you can be about what you choose to do.

Does your DH know you are pregnant?

Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:22

Grandparents but all live hours and hours away (outside of the UK) although they would come and help out. It's mainly the lack of emotional support and the ongoing bullying and verbal abuse I receive from DH. Until this happened I was planning to separate as it's completely the wrong environment in which to raise a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:24

Yes, DH knows and wants to continue with the pregnancy.

OP posts:
lou031205 · 19/07/2009 16:28

"I appreciate your viewpoint but with all due respect you have no idea and this isn't, IMO, the thread for a general debate.
I've mentioned my experience in relation to the OP. Not to have my choices critiqued. "

The OP is using this thread (in part) to decide her future. That means that she needs to consider all aspects of her decision.

It is not general debate. But as this is a thread on an open forum, all posters have a right to contribute, and Gangle has a right to ignore anything she doesn't find helpful.

I am sorry if you felt critiqued, I wasn't making comment on your decision, but pointing out that how you rationalise your decision will very much depend on how you view an ongoing pregnancy.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:28

What makes it even worse is that if DH and I work things out, which is possible, then I would want another baby in a year or two anyway. Just not sure if I can get my head around the fact that I would want one in 1 to 2 years but not know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:29

now, sorry, brain not working properly.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 19/07/2009 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lou031205 · 19/07/2009 16:33

Do you think your relationship could survive a termination?

Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:33

He is 15 months now . . .

OP posts:
Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:35

Not sure it could, nor am I sure it could survive a second baby although in the latter case there would probably more inclination for us to stay together/or for me to put up with ongoing abuse as so much more difficult to leave.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:35

verbal abuse, I hasten to add

OP posts:
lou031205 · 19/07/2009 16:36

Do you know, I am coming off the sidelines completely. I will likely be flamed. Don't terminate. You want this baby. The circumstances suck, but this is a decision you will live with forever, regardless of your choice. I think you would regret the termination more than you would struggle with 2, even on your own.

sarah293 · 19/07/2009 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lou031205 · 19/07/2009 16:38

"Not sure it could, nor am I sure it could survive a second baby although in the latter case there would probably more inclination for us to stay together/or for me to put up with ongoing abuse as so much more difficult to leave."

Sorry, the worst x-post imaginable.

You do have to think carefully about your decision.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:41

thank you, I appreciate the input. I want it and I don't want it. I just don't think I can face pregnancy and the first 6 months of caring for a baby again. Just feel like I have, finally, come through that stage, and that I was getting my life back together and that DS, whilst a handful, is getting older and easier to look after. The timing is just so so wrong.

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 19/07/2009 16:42

why does DH want the baby?

is it becuase if you terminate ,he can use this as a stick to beat you with? that you are a wicked person?

you said on other threads he is not involved in any day to day childcare etc and is veyr much absent from teh family and is abusive

i feel for you, i really do.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 16:45

exactly Lulu, can and will be used against me, and it's not a decision that will have real impact on his life as he has so little involement. will keep me nicely under the thumb for a few more years.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 19/07/2009 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 19/07/2009 16:48

"I know many people will not see this as a valid reason for an abortion; not even sure it is myself yet."

Whatever you do, please don't feel that you have to justify your decision, whatever it is. Other peoples' views on the morality or validity of termination should not affect your decision.

flaminhell · 19/07/2009 16:52

I had a termination at 6 weeks 3 days, probably 4 weeks since conception, it made a difference to me, any further along and i would have been unable to do it. I acted quickly.

If you feel that you can do this, then you must do it sooner rather than later, ring a local clinic and you may find that the private clincs have funding to do this on the nhs, and will not be shown on your medical record either.

I discovered I was pregnant on the sunday, was at the clinic on the tuesday,act fast its the best way.

LuluMaman · 19/07/2009 17:07

gangle, you don;t have to justify anything to anyone.

it is you that is going to be looking after the children and taking on all the responsibiliyt, an abusive partner, in my mind, does not get the deciding vote on continuing a pregnany, especially when he has demonstrated a total lack of commitment to famiyl life thus far

Original poster
Gangle · 19/07/2009 17:32

Flaminhell, did you ever regret your decision?

OP posts:
Wilts · 19/07/2009 17:48

Gangle- I was also six weeks, like Flaminhell we made our decision quickly. Rang BPAS on the Thursday, was seen on the Monday and treated on the Wednesday and Thursday.

In my area BPAS carry out terminations free of charge.

I never regretted my decision, it was right for me and my family. Only two of my friends know about my termination as I did not feel the need to justify the decision to anyone.

You need to know that you will not regret your decision in the future, whatever it may be.

I will never regret mine, which may be why it was easier to have the termination because I was 100% certain it was right for me.