Refusing medical treatment.

[Angeliz]

Hello all,
don't get on here alot so forgive me for popping on for advice now and then.

In a nutshell (impossible!!)
My Dad is an alcoholic. He isn't drunk all day but drinks brandy every night, has had various falls and cannot do without it!
He had a bad fall last year and his head had to be stapled and stictched. Against medical advice he discharged himself that night even though they said there was a chance he could bleed in his brain.
Well, he is now also very ill, he is tiny, lost so much weight, hardly eats, chain smoker but refuses to adn=mit there's anything wrong and said if we get a Doctor he'll chase him. He also has what appears to be bed sores my Mum says as he never leaves the house.
His mental state is quite clear, he will not have a Doctor so.................any advice or knowledge?
My Mam is also getting worried that she'll be seen as neglectful (FAR from the truth as her life revolves around him)

I don't think you can force medical treatment unless someone is severely mentally ill or mentally impaired ~ we had the same with my mum and after a very long time she was deemed mentally impaired and a danger to herself.[she had braindamage by this time]
Agree that your mum should visit the Gp in an appt made in his name and explain he would not come,what the problem is and if anything can be done.
Also just keep trying persuasion on your dad to visit the Gp for a specific thing such as weight loss[rather than for the drink iyswim.

She is going to go and talk to someone but is terrified they'll section him or something (which i don't think they will as his mind seems relatively sound)

Thanks for that you two. I was starting to worry as a freind of my Sisters said my Mum could get in trouble [hmmm] for neglect.
My Dad just clenches his fists at the mention of a Doctor and says there's nothing wrong with him!!

You can't section someone on the grounds of the damage they are doing to themselves with alcohol,I don't think.My mum was sectioned actually but it took a long time to happen.

I'll let her know that. Have read something online too about caring for someone refusing treatment (this was an 80 year old with dementia refusing treatment)

Well your dad is an adult and is responsible for himself apart from the above afaik.

Yes thats what i've been telling her. as for the medical issues , i asked the staff at the hospital to sedate him and keep him in the night he fell. He was dizzy and could walk and covered in blood and they didn't have the power to do that so i can't see them forcibly intervening now. Not until, as you say, he seems a danger.

Well for a start your mum should stop buying the brandy for him to drink. (Assuming it's your mum).

If he had to get up and go and buy his own drink it would at least stop him festering and developing bed sores.

How is he getting his booze?

Alcoholics anonymous have a group for carers and family which I can't remember the name of sorry but must be online.
This must be a common difficulty as a lot of alcoholics don't want any outside interference as it might stop them drinking/bring shame etc

You're right she buys it!

Yes because they can be very manipulative and bullying in their tactics so your mum really must get some support for herself with this.

How much does he drink a day?
If it is a lot he may well be physically addicted to alcohol and need medication to come off it.

he drinks nearly a bottle a day.
He did see a Doctor about 4 years ago and the Doctor said he could do a course og pills to come off with help but my Dad refused.
I will push my Mum to talk to someone. She is starting to get really low herself now too.

Well why is she doing that? She's only enabling him and thereby making the problem worse. She needs to take charge and refuse to condone his behaviour any more.

If he decides to get up and go and buy it himself then that is his decision but she shouldn't be complicit in it.

I know and agree, she shouldn't but i think she feels trapped into this cycle.

Somehow he'll get the drink whether by enlisting people to get it for him or getting a taxi etc himself but this situation is terrible for your mum and she must get some help as it will get worse.

Thanks morningsun.
Yes he would somehow get it, they live next to a big supermarket too and the brandy there is 40%. My Mum gets him one that is only 35% from somewhere else as if he drinks the 40 he falls!!
What a situation!!
I like a glass of wine but i can see how alcohol can creep up and take over your life with him!

It really is a nightmare as the non drinking spouse feels they can't just desert the other one but the alcohol addicted spouse puts a lot of pressure on them to buy the alcohol.

If I had my time over again with my parents I would say to my dad to leave her/get her to move out but I don't think he would have done it.
My mum was also very thin and ill at the beginning of her deterioration ,everyone thought she had cancer[she didn't].Sadly it was my dad who died of a sudden heart attack.

My dad was a heavy drinker, severe alcoholic.

He stopped 3yrs ago when he was told that if he continued he would die.

Even now, he's on a lot of mediciation, he has alcohol related heart disease, something else (sorry mind blank!), and emphysema (sp?!)

Chronic Pancreatis I think the other thing is!

So sorry morning sun.

thankyou angeliz it is a sad thing for a family to go through and I do hope your mum gets some good advice from al anon and gp.
obviously she does not have to tell your father about her own support ,it is support for her.

Claire 2009, don't know how i missed that. So sorry for you too!
Popped out for school, have dd now but thanks for all the advice+