Just found out MIL has terminal cancer - how long??

[mum2twins]

My MIL has had a tickly cough since January and no other symptoms. After telling her endlessly to go to GP this March she did and was told was probably a virus. She then confessed (she is a widow and lives up north) she had not been feeling hungry and was losing weight. Turns out she had lost about 4 stone. Eventually was sent for tests a fortnight ago and was waiting for results on 12 May. But since then she has been deteriorating rapidly goes to bed and very weak etc so we called the Dr who phoned up for the results. She has terminal cancer that has spread 'everywhere' including her spleen. They said that there would be nothing they could do otherthan provide comfortable care. As we live down south my husband is anxious to be there as and when she dies. Especially as he lost his dad at 13 years old and was not present as being deemed too young. Does anyone have any experience of this and know what to expect timewise.

definitely better for the kids to remember as she was rather than as she is now.

Hopefully for her sake it won't be long

Sorry to hear that m2t, but glad your dh is going up. Hope she doesn't suffer too much and that everyone gets the opportunity to say what they need to say.

Youe twins will be too young to understand what is happening but you and your DH will find them a great comfort in the weeks to come.

Minky I was about 5 month pg when my MIL died, one of the worst things was knowing that she would never see the baby. She saw a video of the nuchal scan and knew it was going to be a boy and the name we had chosen, but still on the night of his birth, when we phoned round people to tell them the news, the fact that we couldn't share it with her took the edge off it somewhat.

It will probably hit your DH a lot later - be prepared for it. There's not a lot you can do other than be there for him.

mum2twins after my dad died i saw dd1 who was 5 at the time waving at the sky and when i asked her what she was doing she said "I'm waving to grandad"

one thing that i would advise is that you get in touch with the local macmillan nurses. they are wonderful at supporting the person with cancer and the whole family. they were a godsend when my father was in the last stages.

thanks for your note happymerryberries. dh is up north at the moment and is going to find out the options on offer, all the gp has said at the moment is a hospice. But I think she would want to stay at home. Do you know what the difference is between McMillian Nurses and a hospice. Are McMillian nurses purely charitable and therefore something the gp would not arrange?

I can't honestly remember who put us onto the macmillan nurse. I think it must have been the gp since it was set up before dad was seen by the hospice. There is no cost involved. She came every week at first, more later when dad needed more help.

Hospice care doesn'r mean that the patient is admitted on a full time basis either. dad was seen by the hospice to help control his pain and other symptoms, whch they did very well. He was never an in patient, and died at home.

One thing that I can tell you is that although it was an awful time my father was never in unbearable pain, and was still doing the things that he wanted to a week before he died.

I don't want to paint a rosy picture, it is a horrible thing to cope with. But in my experience it wasn't as bad as I had feared.

I would ask the hospce and the gp about the macmillan nurses. The one that helped us was wonderful. Totaly practical and calm about the whole thing. helped to keep us all 'together'

This is their website

www.macmillan.org.uk/