I suspect my DH has an eating disoder - what do I do?

[Cosmo74]

He has lost so much weight since last summer - about 3 stone, he is so careful about what he eats - his family and friends are also very worried. He has said he knows he has things with food at the minute but he will start eating more but has said this since Xmas and he his still losing weight. He wont go to the doctor as he says he has just lost a bit of weight!! can I go to his doctor myself or should I go to my doctor about it. He really is just skin and bones at the minute but he looks up all the charts on weigh and reckons he is in the healthy section!! I actually cried today at him cause I am so worried but he just laughs it off. any help advice would be greatly appreciated.

It does sound like an eating disorder, could there be some other stress in his life which is being displaced by getting obsessive about dieting (ie work, money)?. I would have a chat with his doctor, I know my mother has gone to talk to my father's doctor about him.

thanks for the reply - things are ok on the money front and work - he has got a promotion this last year and is going for another one now but is very pleased for the opportunities in work - he has really found his feet in work - our relationship can be stressful at time just cause we are both working full-time and have 2 kids, but he is always the strong one when we are going through bad patches, whereas I think the world is coming down. I have been worried for quite a while about this and talked to his family, when his dad talked to him I thought he would change but nothing anyone says to him seems to make a difference, we were recently at a family funneral and some of his cousins didn't even recognise him but he just doesn't see that it is as bad as it is. I will see if I can talk to his doctor but dont know how to go about getting an appoimntent with him - we are in different doctors practices - so my doctor is not his doctor?

how is your dad? did he have an eating disorder? dont answer if you want to keep it personal. this is all so new to me I just dont know what to do but I know he needs help.

thanks again

Hi Cosmos - Anerexia is very unusual in boys/men so Im guessing there will be less known about it and less opportunities for support too

I wonder what the trigger was for your dh.
People with anerexia often feel a need to be in control. Sometimes they chose food as the part of their life they can be in control of - if that makes sense.
They are also often very organised and particuluar/obsessional about other parts of life - does any of that sound familiar

I would go to his doctor - you can have an appointment at his surgery for yourself as a temporary patient and request his doctor. You could make an appt for yourself expressing your concern for him and the strain etc it may be putting on you

I hope you sort out some help for him soon - I should add that I have no personal experience of eating disorders, I just watch, read and listen to every documentary about it! Also lots and lots of my friends are sufferers so I spot the signs iyswim

Sorry I have realised that you didnt say a specific type of eating disorder........ that was hopelessly tactless of me sorry

There are of course illnesses that can cause massive weightloss - either way he needs to go to see his gp asap

Good luck

thanks again for the support - I dont know what type of disorder either cause he keeps saying he eats his 3 meals a day but he never snacks - he was overweigh and started back to football and it just spiralled from there - he has such good will power when he put his mind to something so he started lossing weight and now just doesnt seem to know when enough is enough - it scares me cause I do say what do you see when you look in the mirror and he say he still sees fat he did actually count his calories he ate one day and it was 800 men should be eating around 2000 (i think) i would love to take a photo of him in just his boxers and see if he could see what I am talking about but he wont let me - I was doing the washing the other day and his and DS boxers look about the same size - DS is 9 and not overweigh . I will phone his surgery on Tuesday and see what they say - his doctor isnt the best so if that doesn't work out I think I will go and talk to mine too.

thanks again

Men should eat 2500, it's 2000 for women. 800 is very, very low and the meals can't be amounting to much if they are only an average of 250-300 calories each.