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Original poster

PND? Anti-depressants ? loving my DS? So confused.......

17 replies

mppaw · 26/04/2009 13:50

Am 16 weeks down the line with DS (DC2), but still not feeling great about things and him.
Done a PND survey and my HV thinks I have a touch of PND, but things just dont seem to getting better.

Things have been tough with DS as he has been poorly on and off since birth, but with regards to his health now he is much better and developing normally. But I am still struggling to feel anything for him. I was questioning myself as to why I get pissed off when he cries if I am in the middle of doing something (washing up, hoovering etc), it only occured to me today, that I should WANT to stop doing these menial things and WANT to cuddle him and watch him on his gym mat etc, but I dont !!! This in turn has made me re think my PND and whether I should stop rejecting the help of tablets?

Any thoughts or words of wisdom much appreciated.

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 13:53

Could it be you have been scared to bond with him with him because of his illness?

I have had PND and AND and have a RPD now so can understand.

Original poster

mppaw · 26/04/2009 14:01

Have not really had any feelings !! so dont think I have been scared.
With DD and with DS the first few weeks I see them as a job I have to do and get thru, but with DD things started to change around 10 weeks and I really started to enjoy her. But this has not happened with ds.
I was watching some recording of DD and it made me remember how I used to watch her all the time, in her chair, play mat etc, but with DS I am always looking for an excuse to put him down and do a job round the house, this only dawned on me today that I should not feel like this. I really want to look at him and feel how I feel about DD. I need to try and clarify if these are normal feelings or if PND is making this all a million times worse.

what is AND and RPD ?

OP posts:

MuffinBaker · 26/04/2009 14:03

ante-natal depression
recurrent psychological disorder

candyfluff · 26/04/2009 18:24

i had pnd mpaw and i can say i didnt have much feelings for my ds until he was about 7/8 months he could of been someone elses baby for all i cared
i think i wouldnt of missed him if he had gone to live somewhere else and now i adore him!! ,im so glad
i was on ad's and the first lot didnt help the second lot did .

Original poster

mppaw · 26/04/2009 20:41

Thanks candyfluff, this is EXACTLY how I am feeling about DS. Have had a tough day, and when I put him to bed tonight, he gave me the biggest smile and I burst into tears as I feel like I am awful to him !!

I dont dread the next day, but I worry as I dont know where my head is going to be in the morning, would AD's just put me on more of an even keel day to day ?

OP posts:

candyfluff · 27/04/2009 09:53

yes they dont cure you but help you to cope ,im sure i would still be ill now if i hadnt taken any ,talk to your health visitor or gp ,your not the first or the last mum to feel this way and just know it will get better ,hope this helps

Original poster

mppaw · 28/04/2009 19:55

Spoke to the HV today and I have made an appointment with the GP. I am definately in a worse place than I was a few weeks ago, so I think AD's are the way to go at the moment.

OP posts:

eskimum · 30/04/2009 19:27

Anti-depressants might be the answer, so go for that if you think its right for you.

But also think about what else might help with your depression. Eg. Are you getting some sleep? - this has a massive effect on what your mood is like. Are you getting a little time to yourself to do something other than wipe bottoms/cook/clean - if this is literally all you are doing then IMO it is normal to feel depressed .

Original poster

mppaw · 01/05/2009 21:02

This is what I have been trying to suss out eskimum.
I am still tired as DS is no where near sleeping thru, but it is my moods during the day. I can be ok and then in a second I can burst into tears. I have put off speaking to the gp to try and sort out if I am just knackered etc, but I dont seem to be getting any better. I also hope that once I sort my mood swings out, I can try and start bonding with DS as still feel so unattached to him.

My appointment is not for another week and a half so will keep ploding on and see if I can make sense of things in MPPAW's household.

OP posts:

eskimum · 02/05/2009 21:04

Is there anything you can do to get him sleeping a bit better? I know when you're really low and exhausted that it can be difficult to summon up the energy to do anything about the dcs sleep, but it does sound like you're not going to know where you are with how you're feeling until you've had some proper sleep.

There is a reason why they use sleep deprivation as torture .

kalo12 · 02/05/2009 21:06

i had counselling as i didn't want ads, and i thought counselling was really good. it cured me

BigBellasBeerBelly · 02/05/2009 21:16

Is there anyone helping out - DH/DP and do they know how you feel?

Can they help out more - let you have lie-in when not working etc?

Original poster

mppaw · 02/05/2009 21:26

Dp is great at the weekend, but we have DD who is 3 and we sort of automatically take 1 each, he does things with DD and I have DS !!

Have spoken to my parents and at the end of May they are going to come and stay and look after DCs. I will put them to bed and then we are going to book into a little pub/b&b for the night. If I put them to bed then I will enjoy the evening away.

What makes me think it is PND, is the amount of thinking I do !! All day and night I am just constantly mulling things over. Considering how tired I am, after I have got up with DS my mind starts ticking over and it can take ages to get back off to sleep.

Any tips re DS's sleep ? He is down by 7pm, usually sleeps to 11ish, then 2ish and up at 5:30....his sleep thru the night has always got shorter as the night goes on. Someone I know had this sleep pattern and they were advised to wean early, but I really dont want to do that, even though he is 4 months, he still has a weak neck and unctrollable arms so could not imagine trying to get him to eat baby rice etc !!!

OP posts:

BigBellasBeerBelly · 02/05/2009 21:43

mppaw are you doing all the night feeds? And then up at 5.30 for the day? You must be exhausted.

Any chance DP can get up with DS at 5.30 and look after them both one day at the weekend so you can have a proper lie-in?

I get really odd when I don't get enough sleep. Could you swap later in the day and have some time with DD while DP takes the baby? A change from the constant baby-time might help as well.

You do need to see the doc though

eskimum · 02/05/2009 22:46

I have dd (older) and ds (younger) too and I used to get really fed up of always looking after DS when he was a baby/toddler whilst DH took DD, especially since ds was a difficult baby and extremely clingy toddler, just at the time that DD was being lovely, funny, talking and really developing into her personality. I actually found myself missing her because I jsut felt I wasn't having the same sort of time with her that I was used to, and feeling annoyed with him (DS) for taking up so much time. And really annoyed with DH for not looking after DS more!!

Sleep - I would cut out night feeds apart from 11pm. Weaning makes no difference, if anything can make sleep worse as their digestive system suddenly has a bit of a new experience to get used to. When 6 months do controlled crying. I know it seems disapproved of on MN sometimes, but it saved my sanity!!

Original poster

mppaw · 03/05/2009 22:34

Oh my god Eskimum, that is exactly how I feel re DD and DS...absolutely spot on. I think I need to spend a bit of one on one with DD.
Am a believer of controlled crying, and to be honest I sort of do this with DS already, apart from I break and pick him up before he stops crying !! but will concentrate on it when he is more settled.

BEERBELLY, DP done one of the feeds the other night, unlike me who goes in with a nice fluffy dressing gown on, cuddle and feed etc, DP went in, in just his pants, has extremely hairy chest, so once DS had fed, not much, DP put him back and low and behold he was not happy, so since then it is just easier if I do it !!! But this clearly needs to be reviewed, might ask DP to put my dressing gown if he feeds him, not sure how that will go down !!

Today has been awful !! DS has been so miserable....cried for most of the day, not drank much milk..been really tough. DP is away, but thankfully sisters came over about 5 to ease it all.....just wish I would stop crying at the drop of a hat.....

PS..thanks for bearing with me on this...dont get any time on here except a small window in the evening before I pass out with exhaustion !!!

OP posts:

eskimum · 11/05/2009 22:35

hi mppaw

just wondering how your week has been?

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