Getting yourself to sleep when your baby sleeps/ when you need to?

[Gentle]

I've searched & found a few threads on insomnia but they don't really address this...

Expecting second baby. One of the hardest things about first baby was sleep deprivation. The baby waking to bf all night was hard, but what was MORE infuriating was my inability to nod off within about 45 minutes of the baby doing so. For the times when the baby was only sleeping for a couple of hours at a stretch, my inability to switch off was a serious problem.

I seemed to get overtired, like a toddler who fusses and whinges and doesn't seem to be able to settle. People I asked about it would joke that I couldn't have been that tired after all if I wasn't taking every opportunity of sleeping, which drove me mad!

I have a friend who can go to sleep within about 5 minutes of settling down. I've only been able to do this a handful of times in my life.

Any "head hits the pillow" types care to share some insight?

I'm more of an insomniac - my top tips which help me sometimes are:

Prop up on pillows, lie back, and make sure there's something good on radio - I have a DAB radio next to my bed - it also records stuff, so if there's nothing I want on, I can listen to something I've recorded. It stops me thinking about sleep, and the more I want to listen to something, the more I fall asleep.

Also warm bath before bed - straight into bed after bath - no faffing - brush teeth before bath, etc. Windows open so cool air, but nice warm bed - hot water bottle if necessary. And make sure you're not hungry - eat a banana or some toast before bed or in bath, ideally.

Thanks Habbibu. Those tips sound really good for now.

Don't mean to sound ungrateful, but any tips for night-waking, though? I can't listen to radio when baby has just nodded off (hoping to co-sleep for first few weeks), or have 3 baths a night... although if that's what it takes!

While I was pregnant, I found that even if I couldn't actually sleep it helped a lot to just lie down and close my eyes for a while. Then once I had stopped thinking "I should use this opportunity to sleep - why can't I sleep??" I started thinking more in terms of having a rest, and sleep sometimes came more naturally. Not all the time, but I did feel refreshed having had a lie down anyway. So tip number one is stop obsessing about sleep

Tip number two is cut out all caffeine. Including chocolate if you can help it - buy decaf tea and coffee and milk chocolate has less caffeine than dark. I actually limit myself to one caffeinated drink a day now and find this helps me to sleep when I need to - and I don't rely on the caffeine to help me feel awake either.

I kept the radio on all night for the first few weeks with ds, just tuned to classical and very quiet, relaxing for both of us.

There is also a radio station called birdsong, which plays exactly that....lovely to listen to and won't disturb lo.

most importantly though, i just decided that sleep really wasn't that important, and once i stopped focusing on it, it didn't bother me nearly so much. Hope something helps!

Oh, ok - well - radio on fairly quietly should be ok for baby - may even help him/her sleep, if it's something like the World Service, so no great changes in volume/tone.

Keep snacks by bed so if you do wake up and are hungry/thirsty you don't have to go hunting.

Agree with CherryChoc - try to think about just resting - one nice thing to do is just tense and relax all your muscles, starting at the toes, and gradually working upwards - keeps your mind busy, relaxes your body, and I often drop off half way through.

did you bf first time round? I think it is easier to fall asleep after feeding - something to do with hormones? I certainly dropped off quite quickly after feeding whereas when not bf I find it much harder to get to sleep.

Hmm, I hadn't thought of Birdsong or World Service - good thoughts.

And CherryChoc thanks for the caffeine tip. Thinking back, some of my worst nights were after visitors. I had put this down to visitors stressing me out but I'm sure the endless flow of tea played its part!

TooMuchTV Yes I did, but couldn't co-sleep for medical reasons (baby in hip brace first 12 weeks and my c-section made sleeping on my side impossible for the first couple of months). This compounded things - I'd be all nice and dozey towards the end of a bf, but would then have to summon up energy to get up and help DD settle in the moses basket by the bed.

I had exactly this problem.

Fortunately first baby was still having a lunchtime nap when second baby was on the way. During pregnancy, every day I wasn't working, I would have an afternoon nap at the same time as first baby. I had a relaxation CD which DH had picked up on a 'flying without fear' course. By the time second baby was born, I had trained myself to relax enough to fall asleep within about 5 mins without the CD.

I think the fact that being a second time is less stressful helps. I was half asleep through feeds most of the time with second baby. Also, I found that the only time I could get time to switch off with two little ones was by taking them out for a stroll (buggy and sling) and physical exercise helps sleep.

Oh yes, I know exactly how you feel and where you're coming from
All the 'it's ok you can sleep when he sleeps in the day' comments drove me nuts, my body clock just wouldn't let me sleep at 1pm when the sun is shining through the window and you can hear normal life going on outside the window
and in the night he'd drop off to sleep and I was wide awake and then I'd drop off and 2 mins later he'd be wide awake

the best advice anyone gave me was my mum who told me that just lying down and closing my eyes was resting my whole body
so I stopped fretting about going to sleep and just tried to shut my eyes and relax as much as possible
and by doing that I sometimes dropped off
I still use my mum's mantra now when I have insomnia 'my whole body is resting, it doesn't matter if I don't drop off' kind of thing

good luck

gentle- babies aren't really bothered by noise... you CAN have the radio on- we had radio 4 on 24 hours a day when dd was teeny- it was the only way I could get to sleep... 5 minutes of a documentary on bio-diesel, and I would be out like a light.
It worked best when it was on low- loud enough to hear, but quiet enough to zone out once sleep was taking over IYSWIM. Needs to be talking not music though...

I often struggle with this too. Made worse by constantly thinking - I must fall asleep NOW or I'll only get 2 hrs sleep, only get 1.5 hours sleep, etc....

I find breathing relaxation exercises can help, e.g. breath in and out slowly and count breaths backwards down from 100. If you lose count start again. It stops mind from wandering which is what stops me dropping off. Takes practise to find the right exercise though and make it work for you.

This sometimes works :-

Try to stay awake. That is, lie in bed, but tell yourself you need to stay awake. Bizarrely, it seems to work- mainly, I suspect, because you're keeping your mind off trying to sleep.

Or, picture something you really want to achieve (other than sleep!)or somewhere you'd like to visit. Embellish it as much as you can. Again, the theory is that you take your mind off trying to sleep.

Both these have worked for me. Not all the time, but enough to recommend them. And I've been 'troubled sleeper' for thirty years.

Tsk.

A troubled sleeper.