What ae the long term effects of bullemia?

[juicychops]

Does anyone know? im quite interested in eating disorders and what causes them (and being a previous sufferer or bullemia and compulsive eating)i was interested to know what the long term effects are. i was reading a thread about this and as i have been in the same position, i know how horrible it is and how hard it is to get out of this vicious circle. I know that eating disorders arn't good for your health, but what are the actual long term effects?

The Worcester girls have a meet-up tonight. I'm so looking forward to it. Havn't met any of them before and I looove going out.

So this is just to say I obviously won't be able to post tonight but don't think I'm not hanging around because I am. I will check in tomorrow.

Sad day for you today JC. Hope you get through it OK. Be strong when you get back home. Try and occupy yourself with something. You deserve better than to put yourself through that torment.

One other thing, and I'm going to keep mentioning tips as I think of them, just in case any of them are any good to you, - another thing about getting older, is you care less and less what others think.

So your point about weight being an issue. Stop giving a sod about what you think others might think you ought to look like. You are an amazing woman who has produced a child. Your worth is not based on what the scales say.

Hi juicychops. I'm 28 almost 29 and I still suffer from bulimia and anorexia.
I starve for about a month with the odd slice of toast or a cracker for something to keep me going. Then the monthly cravings hit and I binge and throw up.
Even the days I promise myself I will keep it in I can't. My body won't accept it.
I went to the GP because I was afraid of the long term things that were happening to me. She refered me to an eating disorder clinic who said that as I wasn't dangerously underweight they would be unable to help me as their clinic was really busy.
So now I suffer in silence and continue on this path. I hate my body, I hate myself and I punish myself for being pathetic.
I stopped when I had my kids, but I always knew that I would be like that again when the babies were born.
I have 3 kids. I do love them but most of the times I'm to weak to do things with them. What do I do?
I want to be able to eat without guilt but even if I eat a bowl of cabbage I still feel sick.
sorry it seems like I'm trying to take over the thread with my problems.
It was just nice to know that their were others like me.

Hi sahara. How have you been today? Don't be silly about taking over the thread! Its here so that we can all share experiences and try to help each other. Im in such desperate need of help. Ive had enough of living this life. I want to be able to eat whatever (in moderation) without feeling guilty or the need to keep stuffing. Everyone else can so why cant i? Tonight for dinner i have a bowl of vegetable stir fry (cooked with no oil, just water) in lemon sauce. I am going to be good tonight... i have to be. After my grandad's funeral today it makes you realise that life is just too short and i cant be wasting it like this. I need to be healthy for my son and i want to do everything it takes to get back to 'normal'. Whenever i have the urge to stuff i will down a pint of water or orange squash.that will bloat me out... as long as the bloatedness doesn't make me want to throw up!
How long have you suffered sahara? That is really bad about the clinic... really bad! but at least you had the guts to go to the doctors in the first place. What have you eaten today?

Hi juicychops - how has your day been? I hope your Grandad's funeral went ok, and you are feeling ok. How has it been food wise? Emmatom, hope you had a good night out! Sahara - sorry about your response - sounds a bit useless!

Emmatom - have been really busy and this is the first chance I've had to look at this thread again.

Even now, 17 years after first having bulimia it can be just feeling a bit low, but then there are times when there is nothing at all bugging me, I might just be bored. I just sometimes get the urge to eat whatever is there whether that's biscuits, cakes, chocolate or whatever. The fact that they are there is enough and I have to scoff them.

Once I start i can't stop. Can't explain it, don't know why I do it. I just do.

Morning Juicychops. So sorry for you as I just read your post.
I have suffered on and off (off being pregnant) since I was 16/17, until then I was fine about food.
I know where some of my self esteem problems come from but knowing isn't a cure.
Knowing that my dad and Stepmum were wrong to tell me I was too fat and brown to attract a husband doesn't mean that I don't believe.

I am 5'11" in height and I've always had a roundface but not being pregnant when I was young I never understood how at the age of 14 and wearing a size 14 made me particularly fat. At the age of 18 I was a size 8 which on me is like a skeleton.
Then at 20 comes the first of 3 kids went up to a size 18 by the last.
Now I'm a size 12.
I should be happy, I'm my ideal weight for my height but still I despise my body. I take laxatives, throw up, starve.
I had 4 slices of toast yesterday and felt I had let myself down so badly.
I eat toast because it is the hardest thing to throw up so i know I won't.
But my weight loss is slowed down because I can't give up tea/coffee. Believe me what I lack in food I make up on with the amount of sugar I take.
I go through 3 bags of sugar a week.
So hence I'm not underweight enough for help.
Yes I want to be normal when it comes to food, my son always asks why I'm not eating, He worries that he is fat because he was called it in school by another kid.
Believe me he is not fat, he is just alot taller than all his peers.

I'm on anti-d's and I am waiting for psycho-therapy (why do that put that word Psycho at the front makes me sound like a fruit loop)
Hopefully I'll get better, just like I hope you all do aswell.
Do you know why you do it juicychops? or is it a bit personal?

Hi

I had massive issues with food in my twentioes / teenage years, linked I am sure to a terrible homelife. I recovered before I had my first childt at 25 as I managed to leave home and break the cycle. That makes it sound easy. It wasn't, I used to pass out in the street and tried to kill myself at one point.

I am pretty healthy now, but have since developed food intolerances and during pregnancy I had a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum which I am sure was linked to the messing up of the gag reflex / huge emotive problems with sickness. It was an abolute nightmare time.

BUT I haven't made myself vomit more than once or twice in half a decade, and I am in fact in need of shedding a stone or two as being surrounded by four men who can eat anything (dh weighs 9 stones and three small ds's) I have to eat. And I cannot afford to get sick again, I ahve too much to lose.

I change my posting name, sorry, I can talk about a lot of things I have experienced but this still upsets me a lot.

So many things to say. To recovered - thank heavens this is a faceless webiste or people would never be able to talk about this, like this.

You have done so well to overcome the vomiting for so long. You have come so far and like you say, you can't afford to get sick again.

How are you going to cope with the two stone you say you have to lose. Do you really have to lose that weight? Be so, so careful not to get on the treadmill again. Keep talking on here.

Sahara, I wish I could reach out to you and wave a wand to make it all OK. Please go for the pysco bloomin whatever it's called. You must try any help that's on offer, no matter what it's bloody name is.

You have 3 children my friend. God forbid, what would happen if you ticker gives up or something equally as devastating. Keep talking on here and please get some professional help.

Queeneagle, don't keep the crap around you that sets you off. If you feel the uges, try anything to do something else to occupy yourself. Keep one or two healthier treats in the cupboard and allow yourself to have one every now and then.

Juicy chops, you're obviously suffering a lot more than you let on when you started this thread. From now on, let's all feel free to be absolutley honest about how bad things are.

We don't know each other and are unlikely to meet. Where else would we have that opportunity.

Yes sometimes the shock of being confronted with death close by can be used in a good way, if you know what I mean.

I used to see dead bodies frequently in my last job. They were all ages and died of all things. And autopsies and all that.

Life is so precious and again, if this tip helps, think along these lines - as you're stuffing things in think how you body is literally reacting to it. Imagine your body opened up and imagine the walls of your stomach being stretched beyond what it can cope with and your heart suffering with the pressure.

If you're starving yourself, think of the important organs breaking down because they are not receiving the nutrients.

Your children need you - alive and healthy.

You are all too good to be putting yourselves through this. If one of your children was going through this torment, you'd know the right things to say to them to help them, say those things to yourselves.

Take each day at a time. Please, all be good to yourselves today. I hope you've all had some breakfast and will eat some lunch. Sit down as you eat, enjoy what's on your plate and then go and do something.

I'm around and please keep talking. None of you are alone.

I think its important to be able to talk about it.I was anorexic in my university years and i lost my whole personality to it .I recovered but had a bad spell of bulimia as i did so .I am no longer suffering a physical disorder but still have the mental scars .Now , after some gynae problems i could do with losing a stone but wont go on a diet as i dont know if i would handle it right.
To all those still going through it , keep strong and take little steps forward .

hi sahara. Yeah, I know a bit why i do it. When i was 15-16 i put on weight, people who i thought cared about me started calling me fat which got me down, and then a load of really horrible stuff happened to me (i wont go in to it cos probably no one wants to know) which hit me hard and i think gave me depression. I used to comfort eat lots and that became compulsive over eating which then turned into bulimia too. i got a bit better after a few years and then when i was pregnant it gave me the perfect reason to stop altogether which i did. I thought that it was over but then at the end of my pregnancy i found out dp had been having an affair which brought back my depression, made my old eating habits come back and basically made me feel shit about myself all over again! ds is now 3 months and i am still on the path to self destruction unable to get off. But to be honest, i don't think i have ever really got over all the horrible stuff that happened so that is still there in the background too.

Juicychops- have you been to your doctor for any help? I know that that is hard to do so i`m not asking lightly .

No not been doctors. I did go about 3 years ago and she refered me to a counceller. i went to the first induction session to see if i would benefit from it. she said i would but i was waiting about 4 months for my apointment and by then i had met my dp and thought things were getting better so didn't go back.
Im too embarraced to go again

By the way thanks everyone, my grandad's funeral went ok. the service was lovely and i met family i had never seen before.

If you think a counsellor would help , dont feel embarrassed to go .I was on/off with my counselling for a year before i started to go every week and found i could talk without fear there .But i know everyone has a different point at which it becomes right for them .

I know it would help cos talking helps a great deal its just getting to the doctors part that im scared of

Emmatom,
If I refrain completely I find I don't have the urge. It's times when I think oooh I'll have a couple and that couple bacomes the whole packet. Why can't I just stop at one or two? That's the bit I find hard. No good saying don't have that stuff in the cupboards as I buy them for the kids.

The one thing I have managed to overcome is the urge to make myself sick. I used to take tons of laxatives too and loved the empty feeling this gave me. I don't feel the need to take these anymore either.

So I'm almost there but don't think i could ever say I'm free because of the eating binges I still have. Today I'm thinking about getting some slimfast milkshakes, then at least I'd be getting the nutrients but not the bulk. I need to lose probably 20lbs to feel like I'm at the weight I'd be happy with.

Yeah i know , it is scary .I had one doc out of my local practise that i felt i could talk to so i only made appts with him.Do you have an approachable GP ?
For me it was aconfidence issue that started me off .Arguments with my step dad and then i rushed into a relationship to escape my home life . I was reacting to feeling unworthy i guess .Counselling helped me to stand up for myself and then i was able to start to recover from the eating disorder .
Now i can be a gobby cow and my friends that knew me then tell me i`m so different now .But in my head its sometimes a battle still.
Sorry for waffling but i felt like i was asking questions without telling you a bit about my struggle .

Juicychops go to the doctor, if mine could help then I know I could get better.

Don't be ashamed, I'm not. This is a problem that other people go through, and my doctor was really sympatetic, it was the clinic who weren't.

But hey I should become dangerously underweight and then they will accept me.

The problem is, how much damage would I have done already by the time that happens.

For me when I'm depressed I don't eat, food doesn't interest me. When I'm happy I eat well. But I'm very rarely happy, after all I have a great DP who makes it his aim to bring me down when I smile. My own fault I know, don't need sympathy or anything.

I did say I was pathetic didn't I.

sahara , you are not pathetic at all .You are a mother doing brilliantly whilst struggling with a serious issue in her life .
Am shocked that clinic didnt help .The point about eating disorders is that they are more about your mind then your physical appearence .I would say any one who battles daily with these sorts of issues we have mentioned should have the same support . At one point my wight was life threatening yet my mental lowest point was a year or so after that at a stabilised weight .
Sorry for going on .Sahara - hugs for you .Can your doc find any independent councellors in your area do you know .You deserve help ! Am annoyed on your behalf .

Thats not pathetic. my dp always says hurtful things. i dont know if he does it deliberately to upset me but he isnt very senaitive to my feelings.
why do they say you have to be really under weightbefore they accept you? that is rediculous! im not dangerously underweight but if i managed to pluck up the courage to ask for help i wouldn't expect them to turn me away until i was thiner!

what about talking to someone from the eating disorders association:

www.edauk.com/

or they might have some relevant info on their website.

Just been on that website. It had good information on it. I really want to get help. I feel that im ready to do something about it now. i just need a kick in the back side to make the first step!

Juicychops , its great you feel so positive and ready .Will be here to keep you going when you need it !

Same here, juicychops.

In fact,..........., there's your kick up the backside.

Let us know if you need anything else.

Hi juicychops, just wanted to say I feel the same way you do too. I read up some of the long term effects and I am ready for a change too.

I ate lunch today without throwing it up and although i felt awful and I know I won't eat for the rest of the day and evening it doesn't matter because there is something in there aside from toast.

Good luck to you and I will keep trying aswell.

Like emmatom's kicking technique, I felt that with you, ouch