I have just been told that my friend has breast cancer...

[Summerfruit]

Hi all

This friend is a friend that I have made at my daughter's school, her son is with my dd. What can I do to help her, to do the best I can without being invasive ??

Don't ignore her, let her talk if she wants to and carry on as normal, don't treat her any differently.

A good frined of mine was diagnosed a couple of years ago and it was awful, however she just wanted to be treated the same as always and told us to feel free if we had any uestions.

I'm pleased to say she beat the cancer and is doing really well.

good luck to your friend

Thank you tweetle ! I'm so ignorant about it all. She also told me that her cancer has spreaded into her hips..it's bad isnt'it ? She refuses the help of macmillan, doesnt want to start telling her son..

Thank you tweetle ! I'm so ignorant about it all. She also told me that her cancer has spreaded into her hips..it's bad isnt'it ? She refuses the help of macmillan, doesnt want to start telling her son..

It doens't sound good, however I don't know, the best person to ask is your friend.

Just be there for her as much as you can and respect her wishes with regards to her son, it may be taking her a while to get her head around it.

yes, if it spread, it is probably not that good news. offer to help look after son when she starts going for treatment. its ghastly and she may well be floored for a few days afterwards. perhaps offer to look after son with your dd after school? make some freezer meals. be a shoulder? fingers crossed for her. :-(

Be totally honest with her and tell her that you don't know how best to help her and would like her to give you guidance. Everyone is different, as are their needs and views. She should (hopefully) appreciate this and then you can move forward and be able to support her effectively.

Good luck xx

A friend f mine has breast cancer and is having chemo at the moment. She lives quite far away from me so I cant see her as much as I'd like.

What I have been doing is phoning her much more regularly than before and just talking, sometimes about her treatment and how she's feeling, sometimes just gossiping about the dcs, mutual friends etc.

But that's what suits her, it might not be the right thing for your friend. I agree with chooch, ask her what she thinks.

I agree with chooch too, just be straight with her - people are usually hugely relieved when someone dares be honest and ask what they'd like

BC spread to hips (ie bones) is not great, but its treatable these days - I know of a couple of women 10 years out from diagnosis with spread from breast to bones, and they are still doing ok, with ongoing treatment. Huge thing to adjust to though . I wish her the very very best.

going though cancer with DH atm and have to say, we would rather people ask questions but sometimes dont want to talk about it, and i will just change subject. LOads of info on macmillian site and marie curie sites. Things that have help us since we found out last week, is:
having meal cooked in the evening (especially when been at hospital all day)
texts to say thinking of u, means you dont have to talk if you dont want to.
having someone to watch the kids.

HTH9857

I have cancer, although I hope I will survive mine. I have loved it when people have cooked for me, made stuff for the freezer, come over to pay with the kids, taken them away to play, listened to me rant, listen to my frustrations, help me through difficult times, let me talk about being terrified when I have been, fed me chocolate even though I've got terribly overweight through steroids/lacks of activity/boredom.

The best present I've had is white company cashmere bed socks. She may want glossy magazines or downloads for her ipod. Or someone to actually do the downloads for her. Or lend her nice DVDs.

When I was very poorly my friends cleaned the floor and the bathroom for me.

Texts have been great.

oh yes house work helpers been fab!
thingone have you found much online support?? All I seem to find is info but no one to chat to iyswim