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Original poster

Vasectomy -why do I feel unsure?

26 replies

Elvis · 19/04/2005 20:32

After 3 dss we have decided to have no more children. I have no desire to'go for a girl' as I am constantly being asked!!

Dh has decided to get the snip. He went for a consulatation today and has an apptmt for next month.

I think he was expecting me to be exalted that he's prepared to go through it....but I don't. He's 39 and it seems a bit, well...final really. I have asked what would happen if all of us were wiped out, would he want another family, but no.

Anyone have any reasons why they weren't keen ? Or has it been the most fantastic thing ever?

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 19/04/2005 20:50

My DH had 'the snip' just 7wks after the birth of our fifth, and I am still upset by it in a way. Not that we wanted anymore...I had a really bad time with my last pregnancy and was very ill after, which really confirmed it for us, BUT, it still feels so so final.

Having said all that....it is fab that we no longer have to worry about contraception, especially for me as it was me suffering with all that too.

AND, not that you want to think about the 'what if's', and the 'worst', but should that happen, it is possible to reverse it.

tabitha · 19/04/2005 20:57

My dh had the snip last month. We've got 4 kids and the youngest is 14 months.
Due to NHS waiting lists he had to wait about six months for his op and during this time I must admit that I was plagued with second thoughts. Kept telling him he didn't have to go through with it; wondering about whether it was the right thing; worried about the finality of it all.
Funny thing was, after he'd had the op I felt nothing but relief that it had finally been done. Neither of us has regreted it - fair enough, I know it's still early days yet and I'm still on the pill till we're sure he's 'shooting blanks - but I'm really glad that he's done it.

NomDePlume · 19/04/2005 21:00

A small note of caution....

A good friend of DH and I had 2 children, both boys. 3 years ago they lost their youngest son to Leukemia (sp?), he was 5 years old. About 3 months before their DS was diagnosed, the H had a vasectomy which he did not tell his wife about. They were having money worries and he was concerned that another child would be the nail in their financial coffin, he knew his wife would talk him out of the procedure so went ahead and did it secretly, telling her once it had been done, she was upset but they worked through it. Their DS2 was diagnosed a few short months later. DS2 had a very aggressive form of cancer and it would prove untreatable despite a number of minor medical miracles. Their DS2 eventually lost his fight and died after a 2 year battle .

Losing their son left an enormous hole in the family and after 2 years the couple took the decision to have the vasectomy reversal. They had it done and it was unsuccessful .

I really, truly think that you can never say never in the case of your fertility. You're right, it is pretty final and although the reversal operation is available is is not a guaranteed success.

Good luck with whatever you decide. x

ambrosia · 19/04/2005 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbledigook · 19/04/2005 21:10

Elvis - how spooky! We also have 3 ds's, have decided on no more and my dh went for his 'snip' consultation yesterday!!!

I too feel it's a bit scarey and final - I'm only 32 and dh is 34 - not very old at all. Dh was fine with it all but said it really hit him how final it is when he went yesterday.

However, on analysis of it, I really do not want any more children. I feel a certain sadness that I'll never go through the amazing experience of being pg and giving birth again and that I'll never see those fascinating baby years again, but that's not a reason to keep going. If I think to myself 'do I want 4 children in this household' I think 'no'. I'd def need a bigger car, the house is an ideal size for a family of 5 and I think it might just be too stressful financially for 4 - particularly as they grow older and want school trips, the latest trainers, university...

DH is adamant he wouldn't want another family if something happened to us so that's his choice (and I feel that doesn't really concern me).

If, God forbid, we lost a child, I'm not sure I'd want another one to replace them.

The only scenario in which I can see myself wanting more is if I lost all 3 and that's highly unlikely isn't it?

In some ways I wish the decision was taken out of my hands. My Mum menopaused at 36 so if that happened to me I'd feel calmer knowing that I couldn't go on and have anymore whatever happened. BUT we are creating this situation by having the vasectomy.

OTOH, I'm looking forward to no contraception worries - I detested being on the pill (lack of interest in sex was terrible) so have come off it and we are relying on condoms which we both hate.

I want to just settle down now to our life with our beautiful boys and draw a line under child bearing, even though I've loved the last few years of producing them!

Gobbledigook · 19/04/2005 21:13

Ambrosia - my best friend who has PCOS married a guy who had 2 kids when he first married in his early 20s (he's now 40). He'd had a vasectomy but had it reversed a couple of years ago.

BY ACCIDENT, and despite her PCOS and the reversal, she got pg and they now have a little boy.

ambrosia · 19/04/2005 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbledigook · 19/04/2005 21:56

I know, amazing!!

QueenEagle · 19/04/2005 22:05

Another cautionary tale to throw into the mix then...

My dad had vasectomy 30 ish years ago after having me and my 2 brothers from 2 marriages. Remarried 16 years ago to much younger wife, had the reversal and they have son now 12. Eight years ago dad was diagnosed with leukaemia which he is convinced was caused by his immune system attacking what it thinks are foreign bodies ie the new generation of sperm which had been absent from his body for so many years.

Of course that's only his theory but personally I think interfering with the body's natural way of things should only be done for extreme circumstances.

Good luck though with whatever you decide to do.

JoolsToo · 19/04/2005 22:23

its been the most fantastic thing ever

NomDePlume · 20/04/2005 09:18

GOBBLEDYGOOK "If, God forbid, we lost a child, I'm not sure I'd want another one to replace them." - Please, please do not insinuate that my dear friends had the reversal in order to try to 'replace' their dead son, that is a very very unpleasant thing to say.

louee · 20/04/2005 09:52

Dh has his done 10 weeks ago still not got the all clear we've got 2 kiddies and he has a son from previous relationship,yes it's final ,yes we argued ,yes i cried,and yes i would like another baby but no to the pregnancy!!!!strange eh???? oh im 28 and Dh is 31!!!

NomDePlume · 20/04/2005 10:49

.

ggglimpopo · 20/04/2005 11:06

Message withdrawn

Gobbledigook · 20/04/2005 11:36

NDP - arrrghghghgh, didn't mean to offend you at all - I wasn't referring to your friends at all.

Of course I don't know how I'd feel in those circumstances but I think I'd not have another one...I don't know...it's hard...I don't want to think about it.

Sorry - I really don't want you to think I was being horrible

Portree · 20/04/2005 15:10

Elvis, a vasectomy is not necessarily the end of the road for your DH. In the event of circumstances changing at some point in the future he could have the reversal, with varying degrees of success, or he could have SSR - Surgical Sperm Retrieval.

After his vasectomy he would still be producing sperm, they just won't be able to get out. SSR can be done using a fine needle biopsy (aspiration) or an incision can be made in the testicles (extraction). Would need IVF/ICSI if SSR is used.

Alernatively your DH could bank some sperm pre vasectomy and have it frozen as an 'insurance policy'. Clinics would charge for the storage on an annual basis, about £100 - £200. Sperm can be stored like this for 10 - 15 years. This could then be used in the future for IUI.

NomDePlume · 20/04/2005 15:11

GDG, I didn't think you were being horrible, it just touched a nerve when read alongside my post, that's all.

happymerryberries · 20/04/2005 15:12

Whatever you do, don't go into any form of strilisation thinking ' well it can always be reversed'. Yes it can, but in lots of cases it can't. You should only look at sterilisatiion if the person being sterilised is sure that they don't want any more children, ever, with anyone.

happymerryberries · 20/04/2005 15:14

Queen eagle, there are lots of possible causes of leukemia but I am unaware of any studies linking male sterilisation to leukemia. This is a subject close to my heart as my dh has leukemia, he hasn't been sterilsed, I have.

Original poster
Elvis · 20/04/2005 19:37

I don't think we would ever have more children. I suppose it just brings into focus the point that there will be no more little ones. I have always loved being pregnant, breast feeding.etc. I finally gave up feeding last week. Although have no desire to have another, it just makes the decision very definite.

I suppose I should just concentrate on the shagging potential!!!

OP posts:
juniperdewdrop · 20/04/2005 19:42

thank God there are no links to leukemia as my dh will have to have this done one day, though i've been waiting 4 years!!!

happymerryberries · 20/04/2005 19:46

Elvis, if it is 'think', then think long and hard before you have it done. I've been sterilised, but that was because at my age, with my family complete and some complicated pgs I was 100% sure that I never wanted to be pg again. Ever, ever, ever, with anyone, even if, god forbid, my family was wiped out. That is how sure you should be IMHO

mears · 20/04/2005 19:50

My friend's husband was going for vasectomy. Once he had been counselled he decided against it. She got a mirena coil which she says has been fantastic. Mirena has the same success rate as sterilisation. If you have any doubts, do not do it. Do not think that it can just be reversed. More often than not, it is unsuccessful.

thedogmother · 20/04/2005 20:12

mmm. Lots to think about. My dh has been considering the snip for several years, I've been against it because it is so final, and I would never agree to it thinking, well, it could always be reversed.

However, now ds1 is nearly 12, ds2 is nearly 10, my coil has been in 9 years, periods getting heavier, I've arranged to go on pill for a year, have the coil out and he's going to have the snip. Still feel a bit sad, after all you never know what the future will bring.

tigi · 20/04/2005 20:50

my dh had his last year, and in the time between that consultation, and the appt, I was plagued with second thoughts, and I think this is natural because you are closing a chapter in your life.We have 3 children. My sensible head was telling me that I have no time to myself now, so why have another, where would it sleep, it won't fit in the car, etc. My mother hen head was saying 'its lovely to cuddle a baby'. In the end common sense prevailed, and I can honestly say that within a few weeks after it was a relief not to worry I may get gregnant this month. HTH