Cancer patient in denial - is it normal?

[choochoochaboogie]

Friend has pancreatic cancer, spread to liver, had load of chemo and consultant now said there is no point giving any more. Trouble is he is in complete denial and is constantly nagging consultant about restarting chemo so he can get better. It ain't gonna happen.

Is this normal? I know I can't do anything about it, I just wondered what normally happens. Do doctors usually tell the patients the truth or hide it if the patient can't or won't cope with it?

your poor friend, how awful. no advice im afraid, but im sure that kind of news takes some time to sink in

thanks chuffinell. hope he comes to terms with it soon, young DC involved that know nothing. think he has weeks left rather than months - panc cancer a pig to get

doctors are generally honest do they have a specialist nurse that may be able to offer support?

awfully sorry. I'd imagine doctors would taylor their responses to the needs of the patient, my father died although it was diagnosed v late - they were genuinely hopeful of making him comfortable for months but it proved to be days so he didn't have to face the certainty for too long must be v hard for your friend and frightening, he has to react the way that suits him I suppose. Sympathies

thanks. trouble is he's having treatment privately so isn't getting any of the NHS cancer support that is available and won't ask for nurse because he doesn't need one because he is going to get better..... makes me want to weep

forgot to say - yes ninah - i'm sure he is very scared and frightened and this is obviously his defence mechanism and i can understand it but it ain't gonna help the little ones when their dad dies. of course they may not understand anyway, or want to hear it, but if nothing else he could be putting his affairs in order.
very frustrating and upsetting for those around him, but perhaps this is normal, i wouldn't know, that's why i asked the question.

from what i hear the support on the private side is not great

could it be approached from another angle

is there a partner that could go to their GP and ask for support for themselves and the DCs if he is dealing with it in his way they may need other support and this may influence him getting/seeking help

thanks for replying. good idea but his DP feels just the same and refuses to believe that he might die, bound to be scared too i guess. i know i can't do anything but was hoping someone might be online with more experience of this than me (which isn't hard!)

Hi,

denial is pretty normal in this sort of situation.
My grandad died last yr (we've just had his anniversary) and my uncle is in the final stages of bowel cancer.
My grandad had lived with his cancer for 18 years and was very much in denial at the end. He was planning holidays for the next year etc. He went through a period shortly before he died where he had become very confused, when he got through that he had a long chat with the doctor about pain relief etc and that was when he accepted that he was dying.

There are a few stages that both my grandad and my uncle went through.
First shock, then denial, then anger , then sadness and finally acceptance.

One thing we found was that with my uncle (he is relatively young and has 4 children) the doctors would refer to his illness as "advanced" right from the start.
My other uncle ( i have many!) is a gp and explained that it's common for doctors to refer to terminal cancer as advanced. If that is what your friends doctors have been doing i don't think it will help.

TBH, there is nothing you can do to get your friend to akcnowledge the severity of the situation.I would suspect that he and his wife are aware deep down that it is terminal but haven't been able to be open about it yet.

Best thing to do is to keep up quiet support and be understanding.

Hope my ramble has helped a little, i'm very sorry that you are going through this. x x

Thank you very much for going to all that trouble - it has helped me a lot. I had come to the same conclusion about quiet support and understanding but at least I know it is normal now and can come to terms with it myself. Thank you.

Sorry you have had such awful experiences and hope that if a cancer gene exists it is not alive in your family.