dental phobia - I need help

[scardey]

I have such an overpowering dental phobia that I can hardly even write these words. I haven;t been for many years and now have several broken teeth and am in quite severe pain.

Finding it hard to cope with the pain now and am so ashamed of my teeth but shaking and crying as I write.

Please, please any advice, am in SW London if it helps.

Scardey I didn't want you to go unanswered although I'm at work now so can't spend too long on here!

I was you back in November. I hadn't been for nearly 20 years, I had broken teeth, missing teeth, horrible plaque build up. I was convinced that my next trip to the dentist would be to have the remaining teeth out and dentures fitted, and they would need to carry my cold dead body into the surgery.

I finally made an apppointment at my husband's dentist after he had a chat with them on my behalf. I'm now pretty much sorted, and I have an appointment with my lovely hygenist next week and I'm harldy batting an eyelid.

I'm in Surrey so probably not that far from you. If I can do anything to help let me know. I really do know exactly how you feel but if I can go to the dentist, seriously, you can too. x

Eyeballs your message made me sob.....again x

Were your teeth really that bad and they managed to save most of them. Mine are dreadful and I am so ashamed, and so frightened.

Aw dont

I had a trip to the hygenist, who was totally amazing and when he had finished only a 40 minute session, my teeth already looked a million times better, I couldn't believe it. I then had a dentist's appointment, three hours and I was sedated because I couldn't open my mouth wide enough for them to do anything. They removed about five broken teeth, did some amazinf fillings at the front which I can't even see - it looks like they got a rubber and wiped the bad bits off! Then they did a deep clean and I was stunned with the results.

I have gaps, luckily not at the front. The dentist wants to put implants in, which I may go for when I win the lottery because I was so used to having broken teeth that the gaps don't bother me. My teeth are also horribly discoloured so I really do want to get them lightened. I have to make another appointment so he can check that everything is well. I was out of it during the appointment so I'm going by what DH told me, that they had done most of what needed doing.

My appointment next week is so that the hygenist can give me lessons in teeth cleaning. It sounds daft but I really don't know how to do it effectively. Plus the fact that I was out of the dental loop for so long, things like floss passed me by so I don't really know how to use it.

There really is hope for you if I can do it. I'll even come to the dentist with you if you want me to.

I'm also terrified of the dentist, and used to avoid going until in terrible pain as well, but I found one who gives valium jabs as a method of sedation - this works for me. Last time he couldn't do much work though as he said I was giggling too much.

Well done everyone who has come through the other side, at least I know it is possible (even though not at the point of believing that it is for me yet)

I just don't know where to begin. Other people tell me they have a 'good dentist' but I don't just need 'good' I need patience of a saint and drugs and support because I will cry uncontrollably if I ever make it through the door.

Hi scardey, this could have been me a few years ago. I have now conkered this fear for the sake of my DDs as I didn't want to pass this fear on to them. I had horrendous experiences as a child and my teeth got in to quite a state during my twenties. I found a fantastic patient dentist who work slowly and sympathetically with me (he has now moved to another practise- I would follow but I'd feel like a stalker!). I got through the appointments by using deep breathing and distraction techniques- bizzarly for some reason I find that rubbing my feet together during treatment helped.

My new dentist is very aware of my phobia as my previous dentist had marked it on my notes. I have also just had my first visit to the hygeinist and my mouth/gums and teeth feel so much better now that I've been shown how to care for them properly.

I would begin by ringing a few dentists that your friends recommend and having a chat with them, explain about your phobia and see what sort of plan they can come up with to help you. It really is worth trying to conquer this fear, you really can do it. Good luck

My dentist is exactly like that, that's what got me through the door. It helped that I had a fantastic hygenist who made me laugh, who talked to me and asked about my daughter etc before he even got me to sit in the chair. I had only seen the dentist for an assessment at that point, I had had nothing done so the first time I opened my mouth was for the hygenist and he was so lovely.

When it came to the actual treatment, there was no doubt at all that they would sedate me and I was told the three hour appointment would feel like half an hour. It didn't even feel that long. The only drawback for me now is that it is expensive, otherwise I'd be down there having them lightened asap.

As a rough guide, what sort of SW London are you? My dentist is in Weybridge so even if you made an appointment with my hygenist it might help you get over that first hurdle.

God, that looks like I am touting for business!

But as henni said, just a hygenist visit will make you feel so much better about it. My appointment next week is to tell me how to look after them, because he didn't get that far last time and I know that I need instruction as I can see where it's starting to build up again and I'm not going down that path again. I intend to be on their doorstep every six months and honest to God I'd have laughed you out of the room if you'd said that to me six months ago.

scardey, IMO it would be unnatural NOT to be scared of the dentist . If you have the budget for private treatement, and can get to the city, there is a wonderful dentist, Sanjay Sethi, at the Square Mile Dental Centre (honestly, I don't work for them, and am not associated with him in any way - other than as a patient) who I almost look forward to going to see, he is so lovely. He is totally meticulous and reassuring, and I think that if you are phobic about it, he probably would take the approach of just discussing what work you might need, and how long it would take and cost in the first consultation, rather than attacking you with a drill, etc.

Sorry if it's against MN rules to give specifics - hope I haven't transgressed. Good luck.

I'm in Wimbledon so could do Weybridge. Was your 3 hour appointment under a GA or other sedation? I would be so ashamed to show my dreadful teeth to the hygenist - think they would pass out. (My broken teeth are at the back too so could be taken out)

Thank you Eyeballs and everyone else for understanding, I feel like such a freak, this is the only thing I am so pathetic about!

this was me last autumn, scardey, and the good ladies of mumsnet really helped me through, as you can see by my name change!
I decided I had to tackle it for the sake of my young dd, before she as old enough to need to go to the dentist. the first step was I saw my gp, who didnt bat and eyelid at a thirty something confessing she hadn't been to the dentist in years because of fear. she prescribed me some diazepam and recommended a dentist who would look after me.
next I went to the surgery, got as far as the door and ran away. the next time, I got in the door, spoke to a great receptionist and burst into tears. she was fantasitc and said I could make an appt just to talk and meet the dentist if I wanted - didnt have to go in the consulting room, didnt have to sit in the chair, nothing. as I left, I vomited with fear and relief.

next week, I took the diazepam, and went in and burst into tears again.( oh, yes, crying is the general theme here ) Met the dentist who just sat and talked- I told her i didnt want to be patronised, told off etc etc, but I didn't want my dd to feel the fear. she was fab, and before I left, I even let her have a look in my mouth, no instruments, just her hands in there.

anyway, as it turned out, despite me seeing all sorts of potential treatment needed when I looked in there, I needed a couple of fillings replaced and a bloody good clean. I went back the next week, to her not the hygenist, again after diazepam, and had them cleaned - what a difference!!
The next appt was for filling replacement and although we talked about sedation, I said I would just have my diazepam.

sorry for this essay, but I received so much support from MN at the time,I really feel its important to show it can be done, in your own time.

good luck ,and shout us if you need to know anything.

I have to say, the most amazing feeling is when you realise that someone has looked in your mouth and the world didn't explode! After my mega session my mother asked if she could see and I opened my mouth without a second thought. Even DH hadn't seen inside my mouth, ever!

I grew up in Wimbledon and only live down the road now so if need any hand holding, just yell. You can do this and you will be on cloud nine. The weight just lifted from my shoulders as I was permanently worried about them falling out. Even now, I break things up rather than bite them because I was so paranoid they were going to vrumble or fall out.

Everyone on MNet is fab. I would never have had the guts without the likes of usedtobemankymolars egging me on.

Sorry, I don't seem to be able to write anything short of an essay on this subject.

I agree with eyeballs, the sense of pride you will achieve will be so worth it, and MN will really help you. there will be many people looking at this thread and respecting you even for confessing that you're scared.
we will hold you hand every step along the way if you need it.

eyeballs, total respect for you getting everything sorted. give us a grin

Just don't know how to start - how pathetic am I? Also when the pain killers kick in I don't feel the same sense of urgency to do something about it, but time is running out I know.

I'd say get some recommendations or phone round a few - get someone else to do it for you if necessary. Just have a chat on the phone, tell them your story (that'll give you an idea, good receptionist seems to equal good dentist). If you can, make an appointment for a chat, nothing else. It might be easier if you start out knowing you don't even have to sit in the chair if you don't want to.

Hark at me, the expert!

My gnashers! ->

Thanks everyone, manky(no more) I have just read your account again, maybe I can do it. GP might be a good place to start - I'm not scared of her

I have set myself the pathetically small goal of saying the word dentist to 3 people today (in terms of asking for recommendations) I know this would sound utterly ridiculous to most people but it's a word I avoid at ALL costs usually.

Thank you so much everyone, I may even revert to my 'real' MN name sometime soon.

Well done for even getting this far, I know that just thinking about it seriously is a big step.

I also got diazepam from the GP for my first visit. As it turned out, the day before my appointment my newborn nephew had to be rushed to hospital and I was put on school run and childminding duty so had to be able to drive meaning I couldn't take the dizapam. Even knowing I had it in my pocket worked though - there are always taxis

Good luck x

This is me!!! I need a filling, i know i do. The last time I went to the dentsit was two nd a half years ago, for a filling, and i had a few glasses of wine before i went in to calm me down! Are there any dentists that will put you to sleep still for a filling? I know it sound drastic, but theres NO WAY i can go.

flubdub this is the year we are going to beat this! Somehow....

I was the same for years and eventually went to a dentist who was recommended to me. I was prescribed with some valium and slowly had the treatment I needed. I don't really look forward to going now ! but I go every 6 months without any problems. One thing which might help as you build up to going would be one of the self hypnotherapy CDs for fears - there are loads on amazon ...... Glenn Harrold does loads of good ones.
You will get there eventually - If I can go then anyone can !
Good luck

don't have a severe phobia but I hate going, but force myself to go..

However this is just to say don't be hard on yourself, these phobias are real and terrible for those who have to go through them. don't feel silly or ridiculous for your fears, it sounds like you are getting help and you will overcome it!

Thank you Gemzooks, it does feel ridiculous, but have had so much support on here. Thank you Ladies, I am very very grateful x

Hi Scardey,

I am like you - my teeth are in a right state and I feel so embarrased about it that it has prevented me from going to the dentist for years.

One of my fillings fell out years and years ago and, I don't know why, but I didn't get it sorted. Needless to say the tooth broke off and just the manky black root is left. I also need loads and loads of fillings and a crown and also possible a root canal. It hasn't helped that I tried to get it sorted a few years ago but then got pregnant and was advised by my gyne to do nothing drastic to my teeth. I had to get one sorted though and the dentist drilled the tooth without any anesthetec (sp) to put a temp filling in. Not a good experience.

You know what, I'm sick of worrying myself sick about it and I don't want to pass on my phobia to my 2 ds's and I don't want them to have rubbish teeth.

I have scoured the web trying to look for a sympathetic dentist (I'm in Germany)and hoepfully I have found one - gone for a dentist who also specialises in children.

I have an appointment next week!!!!

If I can do it then you can too. We just have to have it in our head that they have seen everything and hopefully,if they are decent and we explain our fear, then they won't be harsh with us. The last thing I need is someone telling me I have shite neglected teeth - I already know that.

Hears to next week.

Sorry for the essay and good luck.

Maybe we could support eachother......