Am really really freaking out-I can't sleep-unprotected sex

[Pawslikepaddington]

I had sex with someone last night-we have been in the same friendship group for a while, and we were both drunk. I didn't even ask about condoms, I feel so stupid. Am going to go and get tested first thing on on Monday, but what if I have contracted HIV? What if I die? I am so scared, I don't know what to do.

It's very unlikely that you have contracted HIV from one episode of unprotected sex. There's no point getting tested right away as any STI you may have picked up won't be showing yet, and certainly not HIV, but by all means do contact your local GUM clinic for further advice.

And don't panic, most are curable.

Erm, do you need the morning-after Pill?

I have an implant so won't get pregnant, but I feel so so stupid-what was I thinking?? I know it sounds melodramatic but I don't know if I can wait three months to get tested for HIV, I feel like I will never sleep again through worry. I can't help thinking that if he has slept with someone in the past, who has slept with someone else and so on it is almost inconceivable that there won't be an STI/HIV in there somewhere. I am never, ever putting myself through this again!

And thank you old lady for answering me at this time in the wee hours!

You're welcome, Paws. But really, truly, honestly, the chances of you having contracted HIV through one episode are tiny - couples have lived together, having unprotected sex for years, not knowing that one had HIV, without the uninfected partner contracting the disease. The chances are greater if you have any abrasions (did you have rough sex/were you well-lubricated? You don't have to answer me, but think about it yourself) or are on your period, but still pretty small. Anal sex carries a greater risk than vaginal.

I'd be more worried about other STIs, like chlamydia, but they're curable if caught in time - and if you have picked up anything, you'll find out in good time because you're responsible enough to get tested.

Please, please don't lose any more sleep through this.

Oh Paws I know how you feel. Last year I had to have an HIV test as I was very run down and couldn't shake off an infection. The GP freaked me out by suggesting it, I knew I'd slept with ex without using anything and he had never had a test in his life!

It was a long long week. I rang an HIV helpline to ask their advice and the bloke just said 'Has your partner shared needles, is he gay, have you slept with anyone in these categories? If not you don't have it' which didn't reassure me at the time - however I think he emant the chances are very very very tiny indeed.

You do read about it in magazines but it's so rare to be infected if you're in a low risk group - of course it's possible but one single encounter with someone isn't at the top of the risky list.

OLKN is right - you have to wait 3 months for enough antibodies potentially to appear in your blood (unless you go private and pay for a quick test, even then they can get it wrong I think)

Everything else you can get tested quite quickly. Maybe wait a week or so.

I'm sure you'll be fine, everyone does silly thiongs sometimes, have had my fair share of morning after OMG moments (weeks)

You'll be Ok xx

Thank you both you lovelies-I went to have a bath in the end and finally fell asleep-my best friend is a doctor and basically said if it was "normal" sex and he didn't use drugs I would almost certainly be ok, but get tested for other STI's just in case. Thank you both-I should really have name changed for this but I was past the point of caring to be honest! You are lovely ladies (and it is nice to know others get worried too!)

Hi Paws..glad you are feeling better.

I've been thinking about your post all day and wondering how and if, I should respond.

What all the lovelies have written is right..the chances are you are probably fine. But you should have an HIV test in 3 months.

Flightattendant, you wrote: "You do read about it in magazines but it's so rare to be infected if you're in a low risk group - of course it's possible but one single encounter with someone isn't at the top of the risky list."

You can't tell whether someone is on the 'risky' list or not.

My dh is HIV+ and has been since before I met him. He is not an IV drug user, he is not gay, he is not 'risky'. He is a normal, middle-class bloke from a normal family and a normal job. I'm so glad that he found out about his status before I met him. Otherwise we may have taken risks, may have had unprotected sex 'just the once'...and where would I be now?

Anyway..all I'm saying is that I am fed up with people being complacent about HIV. We need to teach our children to protect themselves because this disease ain't going away. Africa is dying from it. HIV is a disease that has no social class barrier and no sexual orientation barrier. Please please, don't say that it's unlikely you can get HIV from one episode of unprotected sex - it only takes once.

rockmemum im sorry but i think that was counter productive and unhelpful.
she has taken the risk now, and needs reassurances, she doesnt need to be made to feel worse its not going go get her anywhere.
the others are right her chances are slim, but just cos they are reassuring her DOES NOT mean in any way she is going to do it again, or that she or they are 'being complacent about HIV'

i think sometimes just cos u know the facts doesnt mean u should tell ppl in certain situations. its not helpful.

I am going to get a test, and I will not do it again, believe me! I have been far too worried to do anything so stupid. I will be so if I have got anything, especially as it looks like he doesn't want to see me again-what a waste and risk!

I didn't mean Paws was being complacent OR that she would do it again. She obviously is very aware of what she's done and is being responsible and thinking about dealing with it.

And as I said, I agree, the chances are that there is probably no problem.

But the sad fact is that people DO have unprotected sex with people they don't know very well (that's not a moral judgement by the way!).

Maybe my story will keep the next person who reads this from having unprotected sex with someone who they think is 'ok' who really isn't.

I only ever had unprotected sex once in my life (well, OK, twice if one is being really accurate about it), but luckily the result was not a disease... it was DS.
Don't beat yourself up too much, Paws, just make sure you have a packet of three in your handbag for your next night out.

Oh what a weekend to chalk up as experience-think I am going to stay away from it all from now on, tis too emotional and rubbish to bother with!!

Rockmemum,

Firstly an apology if I offended or upset you. As I was writing my post I was trying hard to be objective and honest while also trying to reassure Paws.
I possibly came down too much on the 'small chance' side but I am aware that it happens, as I said - it is though a very small likelihood that someone such as your husband, will be infected - a chance, of course, but a small one.

I repeated what I was told by the helpline - which I myself didn't believe initially, but I know less about hIV than the person who told me that. I also know less about it than you do, obviously!

I think perhaps you misread my point below:

'You do read about it in magazines but it's so rare to be infected if you're in a low risk group - of course it's possible but one single encounter with someone isn't at the top of the risky list.'

It was poorly phrased, but I meant that having sex with someone once, was not 'at the top of the list' for risky behaviour, ie there are better ways of contracting the virus if you were really trying to iyswim.

I hope between us we have given a fair picture and I certainly hope my advice won't encourage anyone to take risks with anyone...I think it's a fine line between reassurance and complacency.

The likelihood that Paws has contracted anything is fairly small though statistically i think.