Anyone with medical know-how around please? Heavy question about my dying step mum

[DontGetIt]

My step mum is dying...she has pancreatic cancer which we found out a couple of weeks ago when she had a major DVT. The blood clot problem is getting worse very day...apparently this type of cancer causes clots. She is struggling to breathe, bed bound in a hospice now since they cannot treat her beyond offering palliative care. But I am hundreds of miles away and can only really visit weekly and I want to know how the medics are most likely handling the breathlessness the clots are causing...her husband says the clots are destroying her lungs. Is she slowly suffocating to death then? The thought appals me and I am hoping they will be helping her somehow. I dont feel I can ask her husband such a blunt question. But how will they handle this deterioration?

Bumping for you. How sad for your family Sorry no real advice except try and contact a Macmillan nurse. They will have all the answers. Or call the hospice directly and ask advice?

Really sorry to hear about your step-mum. The symptom of breathlessness can be very unpleasant and is sadly quite common in this sort of situation. However, there are lots of things that can be done to help relieve the symptoms and make her feel more comfortable. Most commonly drugs like morphine can be used- they can work really well to relieve the symptoms of breathlessness and associated anxiety. Or drugs from the Valium family can be used.
They can be taken by mouth or sometimes, if someone is too weak to swallow, or needs continuous medication, a syringe driver is used. This is a continuous infusion that goes through a tiny needle under the skin.
Obviuosly I can't know what your step-mum is having but these are commonly used treatments. If she is in a hospice she will have experts on hand to make sure she is as comfortable as possible and symptoms like breathlessness are not distressing her.
Hope this is helpful.

Thanks both for replying...yes, I guess I have to place my trust in those treating her, they will know what they are doing. Sadly step mum is badly needle phobic which caused problems in hospital but again, I guess a hospice is a more sympathetic place to be generally so will try to relax a bit. I will try calling macmillan tomorrow, hadnt thought of that, thanks for the suggestion.

I can't speak highly enough of the Macmillan nurses. They are there for the family too.

She won't suffocate, but the clots may make it difficult for enough oxygen to get into her system making her breathless and possibly later on drowsy.

Hospices are great places - they are good at treating symptoms but looking after people's emotional wellbeing, as well as their relatives. Morphine is good for breathlessness, and sedatives can be used for anxiety. She is likely to be as comfortable as she could possibly be in a hospice. They will be avoiding needles and anything that would distress her. I agree - Macmillan nurses are great. Cancer BACUP also good for relatives to speak to. I'm really sorry for you, as it's all happened so quickly.

I agree, she is in the best place and they will be doing everything possible for her. Hospices are fabulous. It is a pity you are not nearer but great that you are keeping in touch and getting there when you can.
Take care of you [hug] xx

Thankyou everyone for the reassurance and explanations. Sadly I got a call an hour ago that she has taken a really bad turn and it looks unlikely she will last the day. Im kind of relieved for her since she was so scared of wasting away from the cancer, so given her cancer was terminal, the blood clots have at least reduced the length of suffering. (Funny what you try to comfort your self with isn't it?)

I can't get hold of anyone to baby sit my 2 so cant get on the road to visit until this evening. Feeling very about that but Im out of options there. So hard to offer support long distance.

Yes smelly, it has all been so fast we are all pretty shell shocked. But she has been the strongest of us all tbh. Typical of her...face things head on. Will miss her.

How terrible. So sorry

Really sorry to hear that, your step mum will be at peace soon. Take care xx

how sad
thinking of you and your familyx