So what do you do when you know you have PND? Long, sorry

[toosadreally]

I think I have finally admitted to myself that I have PND. I am alone with a 4 yo and a 7 mo.
This week things really came to a head after a few months of not really feeling right. I had the first night out since youngest dc was born with a couple of girlfriends, got completely drunk and ended up calling ex, who left before youngest was born and sleeping with him (blush) Please don't judge, I feel absolutely stupid and angry with him and myself. I was drunk, he was not but it made me realise how miserable I am on my own.
He text to say it was a mistake and now I feel I've lost the plot a bit. I've been feeling down for months, lethargic, no real motivation. When I think about the future, I can't see any hope which is so sad because my dc are my life. I have spent today in my pajamas, in tears and have just about managed to pull it together and feed and bathe dc. I have suffered depression before but not to this extent. Last night I was drinking (which I never do) on my own at home and got all of my medicine out of the packets and was quite prepared to just take the lot of them. I DON'T FEEL LIKE THAT NOW so please don't worry.
The thing that stopped me was the thought of my dd waking up and finding me. What scares me is that that is the only thing that was stopping me. If they had been elsewehre I wouldn't have hesitated. This isn't because of what happened with my ex but I know its triggered it somehow.
So what do I do? I am useless at telling doctors just how down I am. If I made an appointment with my GP would a nurse or someone wait outside with my dc? I obviously don't want them to hear this. I don't have any friends or family close enough to have them. I know I need help. I don't want my dc to have to see me struggling every day. But right now I just want to run away and not have to cope with whats inside my head

How about phoning your health visitor and asking for her help in getting you sorted with your GP, she probably has as much if not more experience of PND as it is surprisingly common...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you have had alot to deal with in a very short space of time if your youngest is still only 7mths.

Best thing would be to ring up the professionals tomorrow and take it from there, your HV may even do a home visit so dc's can be playing happily in another room.

Good luck and keep us posted as to how you go on.

and some very uu mn ((((hugs))))

Hi. I'm sorry I don't really have any practical advice for you. Hopefully someone will be along soon.
Just wanted you to know you are not on your own feeling like this. PND can be awful so good on you for realising you need help.
I really think you should arrange to speak to your GP or HV (Health Visitor could come to your house perhaps?)
Or could your ex babysit? Is he their father?

I didn't type quick enough...!

Thank you. Ex would not babysit He is 7 mo father, but has been there since 4yo was born so it was a long term relationship. Am so sad at how it's all turned out. I've been hiding indoors all weekend, phone off and curtains drawn only to find a message from my best friend saying how selfish I am for not taking her calls I know she doesn't know but god, that's not really what I need to hear at this moment. We have baby clinic tomorrow, where there is a little play area for the dc so I might see if I can corner one of the hvs. I amscared that if I start to cry I won't be able to stop though. And they are not the most helpful bunch (eyebrows have been raised at me still bf 7mo!)

Does anyone know what they are likely to suggest? I know the list for counselling where we are is a mile long and I can't afford to pay, but I am feeling quite desperate. I know AD's will take a while to kick in and I am bf so I don't know if they'd give me any. I am also worried they will take the dc away I have no help as I live so far away from my family. I can't sleep at all and its such a struggle to get through the day just being so low and exhausted but night time is when the real fears and darkness set in and here I am again. I so want to call my friend but she is already mad and I don't know what I'd say anyway. She lives far away too.

Hi i had PND after the birth of dd2, and was given ad's which helped considerably. Is there a home-start in your area to maybe give you some friendly support? Or a toddler group etc to get you out and help you get some local support?

Hi, Just wanted to check in and see how you are and if you had any luck with the HVs.
Don't worry about crying - they will have had lots of experience with emotional women and sometimes a really good cry can make you feel a bit better.

I really hope you managed to get out the house today. As naff as it sounds, getting showered and dressed and into the fresh air really can make you feel better.

Do you attend any playgroups at all? Personally I'm not a playgroup type of person, but do go to a regular one just to be able to talk to some other people in the same position as me. It really helps (particularly when I am feeling low) and I often get good advice and ideas from the other mums. Also helps to know that I am not the only one struggling at times! (gosh, that makes it sound like a miserable place... we laugh too!!)

The idea of Home-start sounds good, especially if your friends and family aren't nearby.

Do let us know how it went with the HVs.

Toosad, I'm just checking in too, how did it go???

The HV are definitely there as a shoulder to cry on and letting it all out is one of the best things you can do, (might not feel that way at the time!!)

Hope plans are in place for you,

Oh and don't worry about your friend given a (short) explanation she shouldunderstand and lay off the guilt trips if not then carry on ignoring the phone as you don't need extra stress atm.!

Am not too good tbh. Did manage to take dd out in the snow yesterday but my word what an effort it took. I know I can't cope. She had to ask me three times for breakfast this morning How bad is that?? I haven't rung the hv because I just don't now what to say and I don't want her coming into my house and thinking its a mess. I don't want to get dressed. I still haven't spoken to my friend because I don't want to have to pretend everyting is ok, I just don't have the energy. WHat does worry me is that I can see she has added my ex as a friend on facebook today so I know they will be talking. I doubt he will bother to come round though. I am going to call another friend and see f she can have the children tonight so I can get some proper sleep. Sh works in a nursery and I'm pretty sure she's off work today because of the snow. It's a big thing to ask though.

Going out IS a big effort, BUT you did it so that is a brilliant start.

My Ds always has to ask several times before I get round to feeding him. Just make something quick and easy - even if its a cheese sandwich for breakfast - a 4 year old won't mind and will probably enjoy the novelty.
Just make sure you sit down and eat something too.

I do think you need to call the Dr or Hv today. You have been brave enough to admit on here that you are struggling to cope, so you need to tell them the same.
You don't need to worry about what to say, cos as soon as you ask for some help they will know what to ask you to enable them to get you the best support.
BUT, you need to make that call...

Good idea to get some sleep tonight. I wouldn't of thought it would be a big thing to ask. I'm sure if it were the other way round you would be happy to help her and it is great that you are asking your friends for help. Thats what friends are for.

As for your other friend - I'm with DorisIsAPinkDragon, let her know whats going on and if she doesn't want to know then ignore!!
(I have only one thing to say about the Facebook thing - ARRRGH Facebook[angry}!!)

Will check in again later to see how you are doing. x