DH in hospital with heart trouble - has anyone else been through this with a small child at home?

[mommycat]

Hi, my DH is in hospital with several heart problems. he has not had a heart attack; he went in for breathing problems after the flu, and it turned out he has possibly atrial fibrillation (fast irregular heart beats). i don't know the exact diagnosis as the doctors are always too busy to talk to me. but so far it sounds like he will just be on medication for the rest of his life, but not in serious danger nor will he need surgery.

has anyone else had a DH (or wife?) with heart problems, and a small child? DH is 48 and DD is 4. So far from the nurses I've managed to hear that DH will not be on bed rest, but he has to 'avoid stress'. DD stresses him out by breathing. She is only 4. You can't expect an energetic 4 year old to just sit still and be quiet cos Daddy isn't well. I'm very worried about what it will be like when DH comes home, and I have, essentially, 2 children to look after (a 4 year old and a 48 year old). Previously to this episode, DH was "house dad" while I worked (until i was made redundant last year). But since DD started school DH more or less just lies around doing nothing all the time while i look for work.

Thanks for any input

My DH had this soon after we first met. We didn't have any children then so I can't comment on how this would have affected him.

However, he did manage to set up and still runs a successful business and we now have 2 DC. He has also run a marathon and does loads of exercise.

I know I was really worried about him at the time but it's sort of faded a bit now. He had two ops to "fix it".

We have had our share of stress over the last 15yrs but he's still going strong! He does have a very optimistic nature and I think this has helped. Hope your DH makes a good recovery .

Thank you, that is very encouraging. We have other problems, too, but at least it's good to read that someone can recover - and even father children! wow. Thanks.

you need Misdee, her DH had an enlarged heart and needed a heart transplant. She had 3 girls at home (my nieces ) he had his transplant in aug 2007, and they have just had another little girl.

misdee's blog she won't mind me linking it as its linked all over MN lol

Hi Mommycat

Hope your dh is feeling better soon.

My dp doesn't have heart trouble but a long term chronic illness that means he cannot be hands on at home.

We have 2 small dc (1 5 1 3).Initially he was hospitalised for 8 months.

When he first came home it was hard as he couldn't do anything and was really tired.I think the thing is to be as organised as possible.I took the dcs out and about every day so he had peace and quiet in the am.

He couldn't do much but did do stuff such as reading the bedtime stories.So at least he did somethign with the dcs.

As he gradually got a bit better he would do a little more with the dcs in terms of playing with them while I did the chores.I cooked in the evenings and did bulk stuff to freeze when dcs in bed.I took a bit ofd a drop in standards with housework

At the moment he is poorly again and is in hospital at the moment.

I think it is quite hard at times.Your dh may get frustrated at not being able to help.On a "good" day dp can do light chores,on a bad day he spends the day in bed watching tellly!You have to be a bit flexible,not always easy.

fwiw my eldest has been a trooper.He "helps" ie he can go and put the bath on for me,and will do stuff like fetch me a nappy for his sibling and little things like that.He will tell me if daddy needs something and has learnt how to get in the fridge to fetch daddy a carton of orange juice if he is thirsty...little things like that.I try not to get him to do too much after all he isjust a tiny boy,but bless him he likes helping out sometimes.He even helps dd with her signing (She has sn).

I hope your dh makes a speedy recovery,good luck,Wrinkly xx

Hi my dp is 44 and has angina and has 3 heart attacks to date.
We have 4 dd's who are 7,3 16months,14 weeks so needless to say our house is a noisy and stressfull one
He had an episode of angina a couple of months ago when i was heavily pregnant with dd4, he spent 4 days in hospital and came home with new medication.
He is still working, still plays with the kids etc and helps round the house, it hasn't affected our day to day life when he is well. We have had bad times when he was ill and we were on benefits etc.

Hope your dh gets better soon.

You mention that he has several heart problems, do you know what the others are? The atrial fibrillation is pretty managable, and shouldn't affect his abilities to help out around the house! They will be trying to get the rate and rhythm under control with medications. If they manage to slow the rate but not control the rhythm, he may need to go onto warfarin.

Thank you for all your messages! They are very encouraging.

I think they are trying warfarin. Initially he had enlarged heart, weak heart and a leaky valve. But now it seems to be about the speed and rhyhtm of the heart though we are waiting for all the test results.

the other problems are that he is an alcoholic. If this incident does not stop him drinking he is going to die - alone. I am not going to stick with him any more if he goes back to drinking (he had never been in hospital prior to this; it might be a wake up call? And the doc seems to say that DH CAN'T drink on warfarin).

My DH also is a lazy person who would rather do nothing all day even when he is healthy. It sounds like some of the people on this thread have very active DHs, even though you all have more kids than we do, it sounds your men are coping with all the kids and even working.

But at least it is good to hear that heart problems do not mean the end of the world. That IS very helpful. Thank you.

Aww Mommycat,sounds like youhave a lot on your plate.

The doc is right,you can't drink on warfarin.DP is on warfarin (he has a rare autoimmune vasculitis and is at risk of developing blood clots amongst other things)He did like his beer before dx but will now have a very occasional nightcap,but yes it is contraindicated.Hopefully your dh can give up the booze a bit.How is your lo taking it all?

does he admit to being an alcoholic mommycat?

well, he realises that he can't drink on warfarin. he also realises that the doctors are treating us like crap for wasting NHS money on a problem that could have been prevented by drinking responsibly, or not at all. (The doctors said the condition was caused by smoking and drinking).

And DH has agreed to go to AA when he gets out. So. Perhaps this is a life-changing event, as i said. He'd never been to hospital before this. Never had a catheter. After the catheter alone she said he'd never drink again cos he never wanted that thing in him again. So, who knows. Just been talking with a friend who's ex is an addict, and she said her ex is in and out of rehab all the time... yawn...

lo is quiet, she doesn't say a lot about it, but she expects daddy home some time. tonite she started playing up at bedtime but that is normal kid stuff really.

that's really positive that he's agreeing to AA.

that's half the battle...

you would do well to get some outside help yourself. it will increase his chances of recovery and your chances of staying together as a family.

AL-ANON is a good place to start.