alcoholism - mum needs support over dad's drinking. Advice please

[yogabird]

just got off the phone with mum. She is desperately unhappy about my dad's drinking. He drinks every day and has done so all his life. He rarely gets rolling drunk (if ever) but drinks 2 bottles of wine on average a day (sometimes more)and it's costly, not good for him and getting mum down.
She's always tried to change him on this, without success but now they've semi-retired it's bothering her more. I don't know how to support her through this. IS there a support group for families of alcoholics out there? He won't cut down. He doesn't fit the 'normal' frame of an alcoholic in that he isn't out of control or drinking in the mornings

He does fit the normal frame of an alcoholic just not the stereotype, dh admitted an alcohol problem to me last year, he attended AA but was not a "classic" drinker, drinking every evening but not rolling drunk holding down a ft job and supporting our family (helping with sick dd household chores etc)

There is a support group called al-anon for families of alcohlics, which both you and your mum can attend he does not have to even be aware that you are going. He does not have to admitted to his problem either.

Good luck HTH

I was going to suggest Al-Anon too

i've just looked on the al anon website and cried because so much of the stuff that they describe states just what my mum has been saying she feels. I live some distance away so am less directly affected by his drinking. My Dh says just let him be because he will do what he wants to do regardless - accept it and stop worrying. I find it hard to do that but not as hard as mum does, she sounded so miserable

sorry, what terrible manners, i replied to say 'thanks' very much for your suggestions. Was it useful to you? Whether she will decide to go, i don't really know. I can't even persuade her to join a book group at the local library, so that she can get out more and get more perspective on it.

I personally haven't been but know others that have, what about going up to visit your mother for a night and going with her for the first meeting ( [plan it obviously so you go on meeting night!), even if she only goes once it may help her to know that these feelings are completely normal...

I think there are people you can talk to on a one-to-one basis, you don't have to go to a public meeting.

I've just googled "Support for Family and Friends of Alcoholics" and found this, too.

www.alcoholissues.co.uk/support-family-friends-alcoholics.html

keep looking and hopefully you can find someone to talk to.

Good luck

Your mum should go to alanon to get help for herself, and not because she wants to learn how to fix him. Does she realise that she needs to get help for herself?

I have been to alanon and I can honestly say it helped me a great deal. It was my sanctuary of peace when my home life was one earth shattering crisis after another. I was a teenager and alcoholic was my dad. Thank God I don't live like that now.