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How can I help with his drinking?

2 replies

namechangepleaseexcuse · 22/01/2009 14:48

I'll try to keep this short, so please excuse bullet points.

My brother has been staying with me for a few months. His council house is getting knocked down, and because he's an able bodied man with no dependants he won't be rehoused. Long story short he will probably need to stay for a few months more in order to save up for deposit etc.
The thing is it has been becoming increasingly apparent that his drinking has totally gotten out of hand. Over a year ago he was drunk and abusive (he's a nasty drunk) to my friends so I had to confront him. There's always been an element of "he couldn't have been that bad" before, for years I've been hearing stories. But he offended so many people that night and I know how easily he lies (denied even being there) that I had to accept their version. His drinking has been a problem for years but he was always supported by friends and family who stepped in to help with things that'd fallen by the wayside.

Since then he insisted he'd knocked it on the head, still drank a bit but not to excess etc etc.

That, as it turns out, was not the case.
Since he's been living here I have caught him on a number of occassions secret drinking vodka, downing a bottle a night easily and swaying, slurring denying he's had a drink in days.

He's gone to see the dr and said he's quit properly this time and would get help , he's not a drunk, but does have a problem with the occassional binge blah blah. But, 5 days later I found another nearly empty bottle of vodka in his bag. I had suspisions a couple of times that week, but didn't act on them, so I just let it slide. The next day he was utterly contrite. The day after I could smell booze on him (he denied it) then found a bottle hidden in a cupboard.

What makes it more hard, is that when I turned round with it in my hand he insisted it must've been there for days, was I really sure I'd used the cupboard that day, I couldn't have because the bottle has been there for days...

He's such a good liar.

So 8 days since he went to the dr he has been guttered drunk twice, a bit drunk twice, and openly tipsy once ("I didn't think it's be a problem having a pint!")
I have threatened to put him out (which I do not want to do) but it's got to the stage where I simply cannot take it any more. I am anxious and tense every day waiting to see what state he's in (I did mention he's a nasty drunk) I also have a pre schooler in the house, and whilst I do not believe my db would ever harm him, the atmosphere alone cannot be good.

It just feels like everytime I think he's gone as far as he can he takes it a step further, and I cannot put myself and my ds through this for ever waiting for db to get to the end of his own tether.

Whilst I am tempted to put his bags on the doorstep I am also at the same time tempted to just let it go, continue to let him stay here and put up with the inevitable booze.

Niether is a viable option.

Thanks for reading this far. I'm sorry if I haven't made much sense, it's difficult to condense something like this into a few words.

Any advice would be appreciated. I love him dearly and would hate to take a path that'll make things worse.

OP posts:
beanieb · 22/01/2009 14:53

oh dear, sorry to hear you are going through all this. My experience is that it's virtually impossible to get someone to stop unless they want to stop themselves and continually confronting a person with evidence of their secret drinking only makes them hide it more.

If you can bear it I think the best thing to do is ignore the fact that you know he is lying and hiding the evidence but make it clear to him that you are not happy and he has X amount of time to get out.

If you do decide to let him stay you should contact AlAnon so you can get some support for yourself. I never did even though loads of people told me to but now understand that had I contacted them I would have had support. The person I lived with is now my ex, but I can understand how this being your brother makes everything much more difficult.

namechangepleaseexcuse · 23/01/2009 10:52

Thanks for responding, beanieb. I do have a real sinking feeling that there will be no positive outcome in the near future. When I think back it was this kind of stuff that drove us apart a few years ago. It took both our parents dying and my having a baby to bring us back together again.
And thanks for the AlAnon tip, I'll give them a go.
Its this whole hope for the best but expect the worst mindset I'm finding tiring!

OP posts:
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