My dad has terminal cancer, how (if?) should I tell dd1 (15)?

[fryalot]

Am certainly not going to mention it until we have more definite details, but things are not looking good for my dad, the doc said 3 - 6 months.

Obviously I have to tell dd1, but does anyone have any suggestions of how, when and exactly what I should say?

Any advice would be hugely appreciated.

(May not come back to thread today, but please post if you have anything at all that may be relevant, I'll read everything tomorrow)

Thanks guys.

xx

Sorry Squonk, how awful
I found the cancerbackup site really helpful for lots of info when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and they have a page on telling teenagers here

second the cancer bacup website advice and often oncology depts have macmillian nurses with special training in supporting families with children and specific literature can be provided

hth & thinking of ye

sorry to hear that squonk.

I had to tell my ds's that both aunt and step brother had and were going to die. it's hard.. expecially when it's so tough on you at the same time. although my dc's were young at the time.
tbh.. I just told them and then just answered questions that naturally came up.

poor you and yours, squonky.

FWIW, I can only tell you our own tale of this. I was 17 when my grandmother (mum's mum, very close) was diagnosed with bowel cancer, with similar prospects as your dad. They gave it to me straight, as and when it was given to my parents. I was able to cope with it in the same way as the rest of my family - ok so we all did equally badly at first, then coped for a while and we were all really strong, she was around for another 11 months which was very precious. It gave me time to say things that i wanted to say to her, treat her to little things together - memories to treasure. And she gave me a couple of little things which were special, much more so because she gave them to me herself rather than leaving them to inherit after she died.
I think teenagers are mature people when you give them the chance, and as awful as it is, try to give her as many facts as possible. Tell her as much plain fact as she's able to cope with, and let her in on how it's making you feel too : it's your dad and there's no way that the path will be easy.
Again, we had tons of support from Macmillan Nurses and their family support. They were fantastic for all of us. They're there precisely for this, let them help you through it.

Take care, squonk.

Sorry to hear you news Squonk.

My dh's mum died when he was 15, he wasn't told until the very end and it had an enormous impact for many years (understandably).

We're now facing a similar situation with our 9yo as dh has inoperable cancer. We've been very straight with her and found Winstons Wish to be very useful, both the website and the publications, as well as Cancerbackup as already mentioned. They've now merged with Macmillan btw.

Following a discussion with dd yesterday, we're going to start a 'memory box' for her. Tough times ahead for all of us, and it'll be one step forward and two back sometimes I'm sure but we'll get through, eventually.

My thoughts are with you and your family twink. Hugs to you all.