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My Mum has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer

65 replies

sphil · 08/12/2008 05:42

We found out yesterday that my mum has a huge tumour obstructing her bowel, further tumours elsewhere in the abdomen and secondaries in the liver and lungs. Having an emergency op today and then we'll see the oncologists afterwards. But it doesn't look good. I can't believe it - she's 72 but looks and acts more like someone in her 50s. My Dad is in pieces - they've known each other since they were 17 and 18.

Just want to know what to expect really. I know how bad it is - the drs didn't mince their words.

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Swedes · 11/12/2008 22:37

Very sorry to hear your news.

singersgirl · 11/12/2008 22:46

So sorry to hear this, Sphil.

onlyjoking9329 · 12/12/2008 13:05

Sphil, JJ has my email addy or you can CAT me

sphil · 12/12/2008 18:22

Oh sorry - thought you said you weren't set up for CAT. My brain is addled

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onlyjoking9329 · 12/12/2008 18:25

No worries i can recieve CAT just not send them.

sphil · 13/12/2008 12:59

OK OJ will CAT you

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sphil · 14/12/2008 22:10

We went for Sunday lunch at my parents' house today. Mum is looking well and is eating for England - she says the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up in the morning is a bacon sandwich! I guess it's because the blockage has been relieved. I can't help thinking that this, and her outward good health and spirits atm, are a positive sign - even though the research I've done leads me to believe that she has only a few months to live.

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Threadworrm · 14/12/2008 22:15

I'm so glad she is looking well and has a good appetite. That has to be a good thing -- certainly it is in terms of her quality of life.

sphil · 04/05/2010 23:08

I'm updating this after 17 months. Mum has done so well - she has been through two cycles of chemo which were successful in shrinking the tumours and has continued to live a pretty normal life. However the liver secondaries are now starting to take their toll on her - they grew back very quickly after the last chemo cycle and just as she'd started the third last week, she got an infection which put her in hospital. She was discharged today but is considerably weaker than she was. Being my mother, she is still determined to go on holiday next week and my Dad is looking into hiring a wheelchair for her.

We have only just told DS1 that she has cancer - she has been so well that none of us felt it was necessary until now. Perhaps the clearest indication of how things are going is the fact that Mum said at the weekend 'I think it is probably time to tell DS1 '. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I took lots of advice from this thread and want to thank you all again. He is very sad, but has accepted the news with a characteristic mixture of stoicism and wild flights of fancy - " I wish I had a machine that would make me and Nanny live for ever ".

OJ - I never did CAT you about the social story for DS2 - have you still got it? I can email MrsTurnip for your address as my CAT has now run out!

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triplets · 06/05/2010 08:32

Dear Sphil.........just stumbled across your thread, I feel for you. Will she go for the next cycle, what chemo was she on? I ask this as our own nightmare started in Jan 08, not long after your mum was diagnosed. My husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer which had already spread to his liver. He had surgery to remove the bowel tumour, 3 months chemo, 5fu+oxaliplatin, then he had 60% of his liver removed, followed by another 3 months of chemo. In July last year he got an all clear scan, life retd to some sort of normality. He went for a routine ct this Jan, we were devastated to be told the cancer had retd in his liver and something had shown up in his lung. We had booked to take the kids(12yr old triplets) to Florida on May 13th, next week, were told to cancel as he would need immediate treatment. He was then offered trial chemo, the Piccolo trial, dont know if you have heard of it? He is going today for the 3rd one, it has been harsh, caused horrendous rash on his face, neck, head, driven him insane itching, in the last week he has lost his hair which has upset one of my boys terribly. His last chemo will be on the 27th, then ct, then its fingers xd, if all is well he will then go back up to Kings for further liver surgery. They are now saying that the something they picked up in the lung was an infection! My husband is now 69, 11yrs older than me. We had our trio after 3 attempts of ivf, 4 years after the death of our then only child Matthew, he collapsed and died in our garden, 3 weeks before his 15th birthday, we still have no medical explanation. Life can be very cruel, we can only live for each day, never lose a moment, its very precious. I will think of you. xx

Cogitoergosum · 06/05/2010 08:49

Sphil

I went through this two years ago, and your mum is doing really well so far, but that doesn't really help when things are looking grim for the future.

Take one day at a time, and be honest with yourself and her.

Take care x

sphil · 06/05/2010 13:59

Thanks both of you. Triplets - I've seen posts of yours before and am full of admiration for the way you've coped with the things life has thrown at you. I'm so sorry to hear your DH's cancer has returned, after the clear scan. This disease is such a bugger. It's good that he's being offered different treatments. I think Mum's cancer is too widespread for them to be able to offer anything other than palliative chemo, but I do sometimes wonder if we've explored other possibilities enough. She's the sort of woman who accepts what drs tell her - and I think it makes her happier and more positive to feel that 'they're in charge' if you see what I mean.
She and my Dad are due to go on holiday next week and then chemo (Capecitibine) will restart again. Atm she is on steroids to control the liver swelling/pain.

You are both right in saying 'live for each day'. Mum has gone downhill quickly and I find myself wishing we'd made more of the last time we all went on an outing together (only two weeks ago!) - taken more photos etc. My sister has some lovely photos of the last time she was with them - I'm a bit really, though I know it's silly.

Got a good book for DS1 which was recommended on here - The Secret C, from Winston's Wish. So thanks to whoever recommended it.

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OrmRenewed · 06/05/2010 14:00

Oh sphil.

Fingers crossed for your mum.

onlyjoking9329 · 06/05/2010 15:46

Sphil, hello, do ask JJ for my email address if you like, i have a copy of the secret c but see you have just got it, i will have a look for the social story but have a feeling it may have been lost when my pc crashed.
give me a shout if i can help at all.

sphil · 06/05/2010 23:40

Thanks OJ. DS1 read The Secret C tonight - got quite emotional and said he's decided he wants to be a cancer research scientist when he grows up, so needs a 'much more complicated book'. He wants to know exactly what happens when the cancer cells multiply etc.

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