vomiting

[Hotspur]

My 21-month-old son has started vomiting 'on demand'. Over the past four months he has been sick occasionally when crying or coughing a lot; last night he threw up six times because he was in his cot and didn't want to be. Has anyone else dealt with this successfully?

you could try not cleaning it up...nasty for you later but much nastier for him first. as long as you're sure he is ok immediately afterwards i would leave him each time until the morning - even if he does it 6 times again - no consolation and no clean-up!
cruel but fair, that's my way! my kids are quite old now and can remember being dealt with like that and tell me they think it was good for them in the long run...(one of mine did actually do this - mostly from crying/coughing - often from not wanting to be in her cot.)

Hotspur, my oldest son used to vomit on demand when he was a toddler, too, especially when he was left in his cot at bedtime. As Rozzy says, I would clean it up without referring to it, and, if I was satisfied that my son was not ill, I would then put him back in his cot or continue life as normal if it happened during the day.

The sick was a progression from regurgitating milk. He got used to having a bottle or beaker of milk just before bed, and on top of supper this just tipped the balance. If he got a bit upset, the sick just flowed, but I do not think that this was 100% intended by him. It just happened. I took him to the doctor a number of times for reassurance - and as he got older the doctor spoke to him directly and made it known to him that being ill was one thing, being 'bad' was another. Also, I used to tell him off more. He did stop in the end, once he saw he was not getting his own way! I would be tempted to take your son to the doctor to check all is well. Then do the 'ignoring' tactic for the time being.

My second son has so far shown no sign of this behaviour. I have got him used to the idea of no milk from late afternoon, then supper and a drink of water just before bed. He wakes up at about midnight for a quick drink of milk to settle him for the night. Not ideal, but at least his bedroom carpet doesn't have odd looking polka dot stains all over it.

hotspur, if last night was the first time it might have been a one-off - how did you handle it?

what is his personality like? is he a bit stroppy (i mean aside from being a rising-terrible-two) or is he generally easy going?

(my vomiter was stroppier than my other 3 put together (and still is at 16 though is very nice when she IS nice!) and always had to be dealt with very rigidly; her whole year group at school is a stroppy one and she says she thinks i have made her more reasonable than her friends by not giving in to her.....) (mind you she would say that!)

anyway see how you go but whatever you do, don't let him think his vomiting upsets you or makes you nicer to him...he has to know you're in charge!

Hey you guys, children don't always do this on purpose! It sounds as if Hotspur's does, but a child with a history of regurgitating milk as a small baby, who then continues to vomit when crying or coughing, has probably really got an under-developed valve. My son had this and it was a serious problem for us for about four years, giving him frequent pain leading to hopeless sleep patterns as a baby (poor boy must have had heartburn whenever he lay down for half an hour, just like when you're pregnant, only it was a long time before we found out what was wrong) and a lot of trouble keeping enough food down to gain weight. Oh, those were bad years! This discussion brings it all back.

Numbat,Thanks for reminding me of this condition. I read about the underdeveloped valve problem a while back but, since my son by then was not vominting, it clean flew my memory!

When I took my son to the the doctor( two or three different ones over a year or so), the reply was to feed him less milk at bedtime. The posibility of an underdeveloped valve was not discussed. My son had always slept very well, 99% kept his food down during the day, and put on enough weight, so I suppose there was not strong reason to assume he had a bad physical problem. He usually vomited as a toddler when he was upset and wanted attention ie at bedtime, or very occaisionally, when he was being told off for something else.

However, if at the time I had known what an underdeveloped valve was, I would definitely have asked if this could have been checked out.

numbat, that's different! mine definitely did it on purpose!
the jury's still out on hotspur's son...

This has all been very interesting. I suppose I should say that my son was being sick at certain times, ie when he didn't want to go to bed or was crying a lot during a tantrum. But from this he has defintely progressed to making himself sick, and we have watched him do it.

He is generally a very happy boy and very sweet, but is fairly demanding. I thought second children were supposed to be easier, but it definitely hasn't been so.

The worst thing is getting him to go to bed. Sleep training worked at first, but now he is adamant that he won't go. Some friends say I should just keep him up, but as I work four days a week and have a four year old and two stepchildren, I do want some time with my husband.

This week I have taken the easy way out, and have gone to bed with him (in my bed). But this is no solution. He normally sleeps with my daughter, so I have to weight up the facts that a) she is angry because he's getting to sleep with me and b) if we do the sleep training with the sickness she is going to be disturbed.

But next week I'm going to try...I'll put him in the cot and change it every time and put him back. As soon as he gets out he's fine, but when in he just goes ballistic.

I'm not able to leave him in the sick, unfortunately, or to just ignore him. I'll keep you posted...

hotspur, does he have to go to bed first normally, or do he and his sister go at the same time? do your step-children live with you? how old are they? i just wondered if he has suddenly become aware that he is missing out on "grown-up" time and feeling indignant...

if he went to bed later (allowing for your understandable longing for your own quality time!) might that possibly make a difference? or if his sister went first? (though then she would be indignant too probably...) or might he feel happier and more in control in a bed? or do you think he would then appear downstairs all evening?

second children can be just as easy or difficult as firsts, unfortunately. or thirds or fourths come to that. the juggling and balancing go on and on and who takes priority varies daily - well it does in our house!

Jahn,

Yes, they do normally go to bed at the same time. If he were to go to bed later, she would be insanely jealous. My stepchildren are with us every other weekend and for a day in the week, so I don't think that's the problem.

I do think he wants to get into a bed, as he is now trying to get into my daughter's, but when she was away during the school holidays I tried him there and two minutes later he had come downstairs.

how many days did you try him in the bed in the holidays? he is bound to come down at first...they all do that! having tried him you've probably cooked your goose as far as the cot is concerned - do you think that's what this is all about?!

it sounds as if you will have to get him a bed now and put up with disrupted evenings for a little while - how good is he at understanding conditions? "you can be a big boy and sleep in a bed but you have to stay in your room"??? if he can get out of bed and play in his room for a bit that might be all the "power" he needs...if it disturbs his sister could they sleep separately for a bit? or could you change rooms permanently?

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Hotspur, it does sound as though he has outgrown his cot. Would it work if you put him in a bed (not yours!), and stayed with him until he slept for a while, until he's used to it? This was my children's first experience of their own beds. They got a bit excited when we later moved them to their own rooms as well, and needed extra attention to help them settle, eg me staying and telling them stories in the dark. Now they settle pretty well, though I sometimes have to turn a deaf ear to cries of Mummy I want a drink of water when they've already had several drinks! They know that the one I can't resist is a pathetic cry of Mummy I want a cuddle!! They did get out of bed a lot at first, but if you just keep on insisting, they get the message pretty soon, even aged two.