Depressed - need advice about what to do about it

[miseryguts]

I am depressed. I have really good days where I feel fine, then days like today where I feel awful, tired, tearful and shaky. My hv is involved and comes to see me every couple of weeks. She thinks I have reactive depression due to a mixture of exhaustion and a few key things that have happened recently. I want to try and beat this myself, with a combination of alternative remedies and talking to the hv (she is a cognitive behaviour therapist).

Am I kidding myself, should I just start taking anti-depressants? Very reluctant as I like my personality when I'm not feeling so miserable. It would help if I could get the kids to sleep through the night, last night was a good one in comparison, went to bed at 10pm, was woken by hubby at 12 then lay awake worrying for an hour, then baby (7 months) woke at 5am. I haven't had more than four hours sleep at a stretch for 6 months or so. Could this be contributing to my feelings? I am so anti anti-depressants having heard so many bad things but what happens if you are depressed and don't treat it medically?

Miseryguts, sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I suffered PND and each day was either bad or very bad. it doesn't sound to me as though are a classic case for ad's (if there is one). I think that sleep or lack of it can add greatly to the problem.

Keep talking to your HV, remember that if all else fails and you have to take ad's, it is not the end of the world and you will get better.

Wishing you all the best. Keep posting

miseryguts

I can understand what you say about ads as I feel the same ( I think being on them would make me so anxious it would be crazy).

Lack of sleep can drive you crazy- I haven't had a full nights sleep for over a year and there are nights I lose it and "have to go to bed now" (said to dh stamping my foot!)

I came close to a nervous breakdown when I was doing my PhD. I can remember the feeling of desperation well. Then fairly recently ds1 was diagnosed as autistic and the feelings of despair came back. I have been somewhat interested to discover that apart from one other person, every other mother of an autistic child that I know is on antidepressants. I think one reason I am not is that I learned during my PhD the most important thing to have is control. When I almost went mad during the PhD the thing that stopped me was gaining control of the situation- and I did that by accepting I might not get my PhD (I did) and therefore I needed to get a job in place (which I also did). Ditto with my son. Most of my problems come from the inadequecies of the supposed support systems. Education is proving to be a nightmare- a suitable school doesn't seem to exist. To regain control I've researched home education and found that is a viable (and probably very good option). It doesn't mean I will HE, but it does mean that when I'm having an impossible arguement with some beaurocrat from the LEA who only sees my son as a problem, I have an alternative tucked away at the back of my mind.

So I guess what I'm saying is have a look at how you can gain control of any troublesome bits of your life. The sleep one is difficult. Maybe you need to ringfence yourslef some time each week- even if it's only 2 hours for a bath and snooze.

miseryguts - I don't think you are kidding yourself. Therapy can work wonders in some people without drugs and there's no reason why you shouldn't give it a go. I was reading only recently that the evidence for the efficacy of Prozac-type anti-depressants has been overstated (because they have such obvious side-effects that the control group in any study knew they were the control group.) If I can remember where I read it I'll post the link.

The sleep deprivation is definately not helping though - I think you need to come to some arrangement with your hubby for this one.

Best of luck

Therapy can be a huge help - i have had CBT which made a huge difference to me. But don't rule out antidepressants - some of them have a really bad press but you can try several. They are not a sure way to feling bettter for everyone, but they are the quickest, and often when you are feeling more positive it is easier to deal with any underlying problems. I have probably had every different type of treatment for both reactive and posnatal depression that there is, and have found the newer (prozac type, or SSRI anti-depressants) to be fabulous - (you only complain about the side effects if you havent taken the older ones! )
Seriously, they might not be right for you, but don't rule them out. What does your HV say about them? Even though she is trained in CBT, I would think about getting a medical opinion - there are some physical conditions that can mimic depression so it is worth getting checked out.
Whatever you do, hope you start to feel better soon.

message withdrawn

Miseryguts - I heard that sport is a good anti-depressent and it doesn't have any side effects (unless you overdo it!).
As far as lack of sleep goes - can dh not occasionally attend to the baby when baby wakes at night (at least maybe at the weekends?)?
When I can't go to sleep I usually sing children's rhymes to myself (just quietly in my head); and recently I counted the words dd can say now (more fun than counting sheep and it worked for me).
I took St John's Wort for some months when I had pnd. Have stopped that now, as I feel better. I think getting more sleep (now that dd sleeps through most nights) is what helped me in the end.

RobinW just tried to find that website, and MSN can't find it. When was the last time you accessed it?

message withdrawn

Miseryguts - get yourself a copy of 'A Wonderful Life' on video, it's a great mood booster! Also play some 'feel-good' music, music really does stimulate you, you can even dance around the floor to it! Have a lovely hot bubble bath with lavender in it. These are only short-term solutions however.

Long term ideas are - attend a part time course, even just once a week, to boost your confidence. Or do something voluntary, such as visiting old people's homes. Contact Home Start who can help in many ways. Are there any local exercise classes running near you? Yoga is a good one for your state of mind. And get your hubby to help you out more, such as seeing to the children at night, it's not just your responsibility.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks everyone. I have decided that I am quite lonely and miserable living where I do and need to get out and find a job/a course, some me time!! Lots of lovely suggestions, thanks, and its refreshing to hear that you can boost your mood 'naturally', I think there's too much emphasis on antidepressants for people that perhaps don't really need them. Obvously if you are seriously depressed they would be goog, maybe I'lltake johns wort for a bit, but today the sun is shining and I feel ok, well a bit tired but isnt that what having 3 kids does to you anyway???

Also try vitamin supplements and excercise, they really help I'm sure, if you can afford it a homeopath would be great - it would give you so me time too!

Are you worse in the winter, I mean some people have S.A.D, Its seasonal affective disorder (I think) and it has something to do with not getting enough natural sun-light everyday. I am sure others can tell you more about it and even do a link or something (don't know how to it)