Should I report sexual abuse that took place over 20 years ago? (Long)

[Gl4dys]

OK, this is a bit of an essay, but it is important to me to set the context of my dilema.

When I was a child I lived in another EU country and when I was around 7-8 I was sexually abused by a neighbour, who was a trusted friend of my parents. I didn't find the experience at the time particularly traumatic - I wasn't aware that it was abuse and at first it made me feel special. I was a "favourite" which I certainly wasn't at home due to a difficult relationship with my mother. I am not trying to defend this man's behaviour in any way, now, as an adult, I think it was despicable, but I never reported it, because it did not really bother me and I didn't want to, although I have always worried that he might have done it so someone else too and that he had got away with it.

Now I have children of my own I am more inclined to report him to protect them and all other children, but I have never told my parents who will be devastated.

Also as it did not take place in this country it will be logistically quite difficult.

I have been debating this for months without coming to a conclusion. What would you do? Should I be brave, or let sleeping dogs lie?

I think you should report him, as you say to protect other children who could be affected in the future. Also, he could have abused other children who were more deeply affected than you were, and who don't feel able to report it themselves.

I am not sure what the statute of limitations is on reporting child abuse (I think it may well be a lot longer than on some crimes) but it will also depend on which country the person is a native of.
Also, do you have enough identifying information on him (ie full name, address etc) - if he has a common surname and has moved house he may be hard to trace. He may even be dead.
It might help you to talk the whole thing through with a counsellor - hopefully someone will be able to give you some specific suggestions of organisations to contact - and then decide on what action to take.

I reported my abuser while I was in my early 20's (I was abused from 3).The police take ALL cases of abuse very seriously ,however much time has elapsed.

Someone reported it for me as I couldn't actually make the call and the polive were out in under a hour to take details and the abuser was arrested within 24hrs.

My case went to crown court and the police and victim support were excellent and supportive throughout.

I wanted to protect any children that could of been at risk and I don't regret my decision,I only wish that I was strong enough to do it much earlier on in my life.

Good luck with whatever you decide is best for you.

Gl4dys, while I agree that it would be a good thing in theory, think about whether or not you are strong enough to take what will come should a case go ahead. I wasn't. You may be told that you are making it up/exagerating by the defence. It is very hard to secure a conviction so make sure you are prepared for 'failure'.
Also, it is good to think of the other potential victims, but do no take it to heart too much - you are not responsible for their experiences - only the abuser is.
On the other hand, others may come forward if you take a first step.
If you are hoping it will be part of your healing/recovery process, tread very carefully..If you are hoping for justice, great, but be aware you may not get it.
Get tonnes of suppport and really talk through what you hape to gain from this for your own sake.

If you are ready, I would also suggest you read this book

It was very helpful for me.As nicky says lots of support is the way to go-don't feel like you have to deal with this on your own.

Thank you all for your comments. The added complication is that he is still living in the country I used to live in, ie not UK law.

I'm not too worried if I didn't actually manage to get a conviction although obviously that would be my ideal outcome, but I think the people that matter would believe me. I suppose the difficult thing is that it always comes down to 1 person's word against another.

At least if I report it, I would hope people would be more vigilant with their children in his presence.

How did your parents cope? This is my biggest concern, because my dad in particular, will be gutted.

My parents were gutted. However, it explained a lot about my problems so kind of made sense too. They came to terms with it with some help and our relationships grew stronger in the long term. It was very hard to see them so sad, but they were so glad I had told them.
The Courage to Heal is an excellent book. I'd second the recommendation.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. You are far from alone!