beyond desperate, feel like there is no hope, cannot cope with this anymore, why wont it get better

[ratherremainanon]

Posting this knowing no-one can probably help. But am so down today, just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I have been suffering for 3 years now with itchy sore perianal skin. It has taken over my life, everyday is a living hell. Pain when I walk, pain when I sit down, feels like my arse is on fire. Constant itchiness and soreness which never gets better. This has affected everything in my life, my job, my marriage, my friendships and most importantly my relationship with my dd. I cannot cope with the pain anymore. I have seen skin specialist after skin specialist who have diagnosed cream after cream. I thought last guy I saw would be able to help, he promised his prescription would work. I got my hopes up. Of course it hasnt and have spent another day trying to play with dd, do housework, get out an about with a sore inflamed bum. Have had so many procedures to rule out piles, abscesses etc. All come back clear.

Problem started because I had loads of stitches after giving birth. I was nervous about tuching stitches, them bursting etc so think I got a bit slack with wiping myself which led to major skin irritation which never goes. Its knowing that its never going to go that fills me with despair. How can I live the rest of my life with this pain? Why should I have to? Sometimes I wish I had a disease/illness which although serious, was treatable. With this condition nothing seems to work. I tell myself things like "in 50 years you'll be dead and at least you wont be in pain". I just dont know what to do. I have now officially given up. I dont know whether asking to go on antidepressants will work, I know the only reason I'm depressed is because of being in pain all the time, not because I'm unhappy with my life. I would love my life if it wasnt for this.

ratherremainanon, I have so much sympathy for you. I had a similar experience after the birth of DD1 except that the sore area was my vagina rather than the anus. There was nothing to see and nothing to feel except for some little bumps (rather like you describe). Pressing on it was agony and most days even sitting down was horribly painful. I had not even had a vaginal birth so there was not damage to the area. After many wrong diagnoses, thrush creams, antibiotics etc I was diagnosed with vulval vestibulitis which is a hypersensitivity of the nerve endings. (Lots of info on Google). I have no medical knowledge so will not try to explain it further but wonder if you have investigated the possibility that your pain has a similar root cause?

Some women with chronic vulval pain have found EMLA cream helpful. However, I would second the idea of a biopsy of an actual lump, so that it can be sent for histology and microscopy. HTH.

antidepressants in small doses can be very useful against pain. It might be worth a try. I really, really feel for you. I cannot imagine suffering as you have done.

lulabellarama if I may hijack for a moment can I ask about your bladder pain? I had serious surgical damage to my bladder during my c section and now have problmes with spasm and the urge to pee (although no leaking or stress incontinence). Have been thinking about going to the GP but don't know what can be "done" for bladders.

Winetimeisfinetime it was a good idea though. manuka comes in different strengths. 5+, 10+, 15+, 20+ and 25+ although I can get hold of up to 50+. the lower the strength, the longer you can leave it on.

taken internally, manuka is a great idea as it kills off a variety of bacteria, viruses and fungi, it is also being tested for MRSA, VRSA and c diff eradication too. I would be wary at the moment for ratherremainanon to use this internally except at 5+ possibly. manuka honey though if you want to get some, has to have a certified UMF number on the label. UMF is the guarantee of activity. manuka honey without a certified UMF is just like ordinary honey and will just feed the candida rather than kill it!!
UMF strength tells you how active the bacteria killing capacity is. above around 10+ though, it is not reccommended for external use unless you know what you are doing or under supervision

Trimovate cream (anti-fungal, mild antibiotic, mild steroid) and changing soap powder to Filetti and washing pants at 60C did it for me. Relief in a few days after 5 years of bother.

Sympathetic GP did swabs for everything imaginable as well, just to be on the safe side.

Sorry - a really daft question probably, but do you shampoo your hair in the shower, or over the sink?

I ask because I heard one gentleman who had suffered from anal pruritis for years, and had stopped using soap, washing powder etc, but continued to shampoo his hair while showering. He realised that the shampoo was running down his back and collecting between his buttocks. Even though he was rinsing thoroughly, the briefest contact was causing a reaction. Sorry if this is way off the mark.

There is a yahoo group for women with vulval pain - it has been mentioned on MN before. Maybe you could get some information there? I know yours isn't vulval pain, but perhaps some of their advice could help?

I used to be terribly allergic to some sanitary towels/pantyliners. Is that a possibility?

Ooh yes, 3littlefrogs, I was allergic to sanitary stuff too, ended up getting unbleached organic ones and that helped a lot too.

Sorry to be repetitious - try avoiding wheat and dairy - if you've become allergic to them your 'passages' will be inflamed, hence the intense itching/soreness. Aloe vera, as someone else said, is good for the intestines, as are flax seeds soaked in water for a few hours (although they taste like wallpaper paste, they're very soothing on the insides.)

Oh you poor thing, Ratherremainanon, you sound utterly miserable. I don't have any ideas as to diagnosis but wonder if you've tried cooling pads to relieve the itching? I recently had a fungal infection on my feet which spread like wildfire and itched so much I wanted to cut my own feet off. I found using one of those chiller sachets that you put into lunch boxes straight from the freezer helped as much as anything. (Don't worry, it's been segregated from the ones I use for food!) Hth.

thanks lulabellarama I think I will do. Your symptoms sound a lot like mine, especially the coming and going with stress/ tiredness etc.

I don't know whether mine is related to the surgery or not, I had the all-clear from tests afterwards so it may be something completely different.

However, will go and speak to GP.

can i suggest caution about washing with aqueous cream. recent studies have shown it can actually irritate skin more than it soothes and is no longer the first thing health profs should be recommending, although sadly many drs still do probably due to its low cost.
op- may seem an odd question but had you been on holiday some where abroad before these symptoms? someone i knew had similar syptoms and really struggled to get help until she finally got sorted at the london hospital of tropical diseases when a dr realised some little foriegn insects had been livung in her bumcheeks and putting her through hell!

Good point missymum - that crossed my mind too!

I had this sort of problem some years ago. Really made a right mess of myself "down below". When I plucked up courage to show my GP, she even commented "Look what you've done to yourself!".

I am not sure what caused it. I was on the pill and in hasn't happened since I came of the pill so that may have been a factor. I was prescribed a strong steriod cream and was advised to use nothing but water to wash with. Nothing in bath etc.

I remember it was agony (with great lumps of scaly skin itching like mad - sorry TMI). My friend is going through something similar now snd has only just mentioned it to me because it's so embarrassing.

Good luck and hope it clears soon.

are they small white bumps re. the change in pigmentation?

has anyone mentioned lichen scelrosis?

missymum- so glad you mentioned aqueous cream could make things worse. My consultant (allegedly a specialist in his field) said aqueous cream was in the dermotologists bible and they recommend it for everything. And yet I find when I apply it, it actually makes the problem worse and the itch starts up not soon after. Likewise with all the steroid creams I've been given, they make the problem worse. Infact, all the creams seem to make my bum cheeks really wet and slippery which just intensifies the problem. I've not used any creams (including aqueous cream!) for a couple of days and there has been a slight improvement.

filz- I thought lichen scelrosis only affected the vagina? My vagina is fine, its the bum cheeks that cause the issue.

Missymum- no, it started up 2 months after I gave birth so not from any holidays, though something living under the skin has crossed my mind. Could something have got in there when I was giving birth in hospital?

Countingtoten- how long did it take for your problem to clear up. Any idea what set it off?

RRA have just started a thread myself about sore bits.
I think my problem is hormonal as it started as soon as I took the contraceptive pill and it gets worse just after a period. One of the symptoms I had was a very sore itchy perineum.
I thought I had piles I even had the odd shooting pain when I was walking, but as soon as i stopped the pill I got better.
Now I just need my ladybits to stop being sore!
Are you taking any hormones? That could be it, the one I was taking I used years ago with no problems before but my body sure doesn't like it now!

no it can affect the back, round the anus and buttocks and the upper chest!

RRA, once I was on the steriod cream it took a couple of weeks to clear up but I am still very careful what I use in that area as I get thrush very easily.

It's interesting what drivingmebatty says, as mine only occurred when I was on the pill. And also, whilst pregnant with no. 4, I developed a severe allergic reaction to what I put on my face (eg swollen, closed up eyes etc) never any problems before with the cream so can only assume hormones affected my skin and it's reaction to things. Now I have to be extremely careful what I put on my face and hair (even tinted shampoo causes me to react).

Maybe you need a very strong steriod cream and then only use water to wash and make sure all underwear is washed in non-bio and rinsed thoroughly. My cream was a "1 in 10" cream I think - it was a while ago.

Hope you can get yourself sorted out as soon as possible - I remember it took me a lot to even show the doctor as I was so embarrassed. It was hidious.

Ratherremainanon, i have read your thread, and i am so sorry for the pain you are in, i know how uncomfortable it is to have problems, down there. I have Lechin Planus of the vulva, which in short is the most unbearable pain and effects my whole life from wakening to sleeping, and even sleep is disturbed. Been some great advice on here and i can not add any more, but just so you know, you are not suffering on your own, there are loads of us knicker itchers around. Good luck cc

Poor poor you!

It sounds awful. Hav u tried acupuncture or other alternative therapies? maybe even hypnosis to get thru pain... Hope you find some relief soon