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Original poster

Friends Dh in ICU :(

15 replies

mommy6 · 03/11/2008 09:40

Friends DH has MS but sat night sunday morning in was taken ill.Its unclear at the moment if he's had a bleed on his brain or something else.He has had a lumbar puncture and will get the results from that soon.He was fitting for 2.5 hrs at the hospital so they did a cat scan but its not very clear.We only found out last night and feel abit bad that we had a normal day while this was going on.
I have told my friend we are here if she needs anything but i feel so useless.
My DH is in bits.He only had 3 close friends.One died from cancer march this year and now this.
Sorry just needed to tell someone.

OP posts:
ledodgy · 03/11/2008 09:44

I'm sorry to read this. You are doing the right thing just being there for them both.

Original poster
mommy6 · 03/11/2008 09:49

Thanks ledodgy i just wish i could do more.I hate just waiting around for news.But what can i do?I don't even feel i can get a getwell card yet.

OP posts:
ledodgy · 03/11/2008 09:59

What about making her some meals she can freeze and eat when she wants if she has dc this will be a huge help?

Original poster
mommy6 · 03/11/2008 10:02

Good idea thanks.

OP posts:
pickie · 03/11/2008 10:08

When my Dh was in ITU I found the 'best' thing my friends did was make sure I had something to eat & read whilst waiting.

A very good friend made sure I ate something on arrival to 2nd ITU with better facilities for DH. Srangely enough 3 years on I still know what she got me (fizzy drink which I normally dont drink, tuna mayo sandwich and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps)and it makes me smile thinking back about it!

Original poster
mommy6 · 03/11/2008 10:47

Thanks pickie,you are very right.I remember the same friend doing that for me when Ds was in ICU.
I think i'm in abit of shock,so goodness know how my friend feels.I didn't sleep very well last night and haven heard anything today yet.I don't even know if we can go to the hospital or not.

OP posts:
TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff · 03/11/2008 10:53

So sorry to hear this. You absolutely can help - as others say, make meals, take her food at hospital. Take her some water in particular - she may not feel like eating but should keep hydrated.

Do they have dcs? Can you do school run / have them to stay etc if so?

Very small things can help - do a load of washing for her and put it away so when she goes home she doesn't have a load of chores waiting. Take her some clean clothes and toiletries in the hospital if she is there 24/7. Tell her she can ring you any time and keep your phone on and by your bed so that she can contact you in the middle of the night if needs be.

hth - thinking of you all.

Original poster
mommy6 · 03/11/2008 11:02

TWOTBHFO You have given me some good ideas there.Thanks

I think i'm going to phone their house.I know my friends mom is there today,she might have some news.But i don't want to be a pain just offer my help.

Arrr i can't decided if i shold phone or not.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 03/11/2008 11:07

food. cold pasta with tuna and rockt and pesto, that kinda thing. cold sausages with avocado salad. find out if there's a micro.

and of course you shoud phone.

also offer to take kids out for a treat, to take their minds off;

Original poster
mommy6 · 03/11/2008 11:12

I have just phoned.Friends at the hospital but there as been no news.Waiting for the consultant to came round.
Friends mom and bro are at their house with their Ds.(he hasn't gone to school today)Told them to ring me if these anything i can do.They are both back at work wednesday(if they go)so i'll to needed more then.
I think i'll pop round in abit and help with Ds.He has got adhd so abit of a handfull.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 03/11/2008 11:41

do not wait to be asked, seriously. food for the troops. get a spag bol on the hob and take it round.

pickie · 03/11/2008 11:46

I was going to add do NOT phone her, go round as when the phone rings she will get such a freight as it might be ITU with bad news... A friend of mine (with the best intentions) phoned me 2nd evening (worst evening of my life!) and when I answered and heard it wasnt hospital I started crying (hysterical)and hung up saying 'not now' She thought he'd died. We now have a laugh about it

Anyway saying phoning might not be the best but let her know she can phone you 24/7.

Thought about it a bit more and the things I found very helpfull were:

Friends staying over for the nights in case I got a call and had to leave asap so they could look after the kids.

DS was at other friends for 2 weeks and they ensured his normal routine carried on (as best as they could) and he has still very fond memories of those 2 weeks.

Making sure the basics are there (food wise)and having dinner ready so I had at least one good meal a day.

I didnt like it when people did my washing and I got well annoyed when they put dishes away as they went all in the wrong place and I couldnt find a thing which added to the stress (sounds pathetic I know but that was how I felt at the time). Think I needed those mundaine tasks to get my head straightened but maybe your friend does like it, just ask

Sorry for the looong post but HTH

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/11/2008 14:45

mommy6,

You have been given some good suggestions by other posters.

I feel for you all, I have been where you are and its very hard. Waiting for the phone to ring is very difficult. I did not make any calls during the day for the simple reason that they were more often than not at hospital anyway. I recall that a "chain of communication" was set up by the family - one person at the hospital passed on information re condition to other family members.

Whether your DH and you will actually be able to visit this man at this stage will be solely down to the ICU staff; at my local ICU it was only direct family members that were initially only admitted to see the patient. I, not being direct family, only got the call from the ICU saying to come in two weeks later. I'll spare you any further details.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

Attila x

Original poster
mommy6 · 04/11/2008 09:47

Friend was told last night that her Dh has had a stroke,not a bleed.Consultant has said he was abit shocked that he has lost his speech, because where the stroke was on the brain this shouldn't have happen.They are putting it down to the MS already doing some damage and another parts of the brain taking over.So the stroke hasn't had the same affect has it would without the MS.So he has lost his speech and the use of one arm,not sure about legs.
Some good news,they are hoping to more him later today to the stroke ward.
I have been sending text message with the understanding friend only replies would she can.
Thank you Attila for your thoughts and prayers.

OP posts:
frostyfingers · 04/11/2008 16:46

My mum had a major stroke last year, at one point they thought that was it, and it was terrifying for her and us. She couldn't speak and was completely immobile down her right hand side, she had to have everything done for her for a long time. She was a long time in hospital and then rehab and then lived with my sister and me for a couple of months. However, 6 months later she went home (lives alone), with some occasional help and is managing ok. She has progressed from being totally immobile to being perfectly able to look after herself in all departments. I'm sure the MS complicates things, but don't despair, a huge amount of progress can be made.

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