i feel in a constant state of anxiety , feel i'm going mad, really getting me down

[winegoddess]

A few years ago i had my first panic attack. Whilst i seem to have more or less got things under control, i feel continually conscious of how i am feeling and whether i am on the brink of another one! Since having my third child i feel my confidence has really gone down hill, no idea why and i seem to fear everything. I either fear saying stupid things and making myself look an idiot, i replay situations and events over and over in my head to make sure i haven't said anything stupid and find it so hard to relax and just be myself. Dh wants to go on holiday and why i am so excited i can't help but feel panic by what if i can't cope with the flight (never had flight problems before) what if i lose it on the plane etc etc. i feel that my fears seem to be spilling out into every aspect of my life. Whats wrong with me? why am i permanently anxious? Having friends over seems to make me nervous, what will i talk about? will i replay the conversation again and again and drive myself mad? Please reassure me that i am not going mad, i just want my confidence back! i feel so unlike myself at the moment.

You've all been so kind. Am feeling tearful at the thought of talking to the gp but from your advice i think that's the best thing to do. Feel like it is admitting that i am mad though and somewhat a failure. wish i didn't feel like that but i do. Only dh knows about any of this and he's super but doesn't really understand why i can't just shake it off.

im like this a lot of the time atm too winegoddess.
fucking pita isnt it?? feel like SUCH a nob. i think of myself as such a chilled out and laid back person too ... no advice, but comradely (gentle) punch on arm do you?

oh
practical stuf:
yes, have spoken to gp. have been given ad's and am doing cbt atm. would urge you to do same; nowt to lose, eh? s'not like your head will explode if you do, but it just might if you dont, right?

Winegoddess- You're not mad. I think loads of people get these feelings at some point.

you're not mad at all

there is light at the end of the tunnel

you've got yourself in a cycle of panic where you are now fearing the panic and that is fuelling it and making it worse

There are a few good self help books (like Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway), try the CDs if you can (some of the Paul McKenna ones are very good) and DO try that relaxation breathing. It takes a bit of practise, but it really can work.

you may find you feel so much better once you've told someone else like your GP or a counsellor if you choose to go to one

but YOU ARE NOT MAD....it just feels that way!

i wouldn't take anything the dp perscribed though, you can get through it alone

So pleased you're going to the GP. If you're scared of saying it aloud you could take a printout of your OP. Nothing could be more awful than what you're going through, could it?

I wrestle with anxiety/depression and I have to say that asking for help and being told 'yes, don't worry, we've seen this before and we can help you' made me feel so much better. That and medication (I'm on Mirtazapine which within a few days knocked the physical symptoms racing pulse/wet palms on the head so life became more bearable.

CBT has also been incredibly useful for sort of re-shaping my thoughts so I don't get so tied up in negativity/useless worrying.

Good luck, so many people have been through this, don't get stuck in it for a minute more than you need to.

make your own judgement re meds.
suit some, not others.
dunno why we are so afraid of them tho... they dont make you into a character from one flew over the cuckoos nest.

Should have said - I felt all your feelings and never had any AD's etc. That's not to say that I wouldn't if they had been offered - just that they weren't because GP practice was very into cognitive therapy etc. So if you don't want pills push for an alternative because often the alternative works - or it did for me!

I know they're not for everyone but I couldnt have coped without my meds. I dont take them anymore as I dont feel I need them but if things ever got bad again I wouldnt hesitate to go back on them.

i dunno, i'm very against prescribing any sort of thing

It's so nice to know i'm not the only one to ever have felt like this. This is the first time that i've openly discussed this with anyone (although to some extent i have with dh but not without worrying what he's thinking!). I'm going to nip to bed now but will keep you updated, thanks all so much, feeling a bit more positive. I really mean it, thanks.

Just make sure its not a hairband with the metal bit on cuz that bloody hurts!
You'll be ok, keep smiling, it'll get better

bravo to feeling better. even if its a teeny bit and even if its only passing. feeling better rocks

Hope you get on okay with the GP. About 6 years ago I could have written your OP. I put up with it for a further year until I realised I really couldn't function any more.

I went to see the GP (about a bad sore throat) and broke down. She was fantastic. I had CBT and she prescribed some pills (which I didn't take in the end.) She also prescribed something for flights, which if I did have an attack I would take. I still carry them with me and knowing that I have them, helps me through, although I've only had to use them once. The techniques taught at the CBT always work.

Occasionally it flares up again (interestingly enough, often when I've had a few drinks over the previous evening.) But I'm now a lot better at looking after myself if things start to get on top of me.

I know it seems impossible now, but you will get through this, but I recommend you get all the help you can. So many people have this problem, you are not alone or going mad and the treatments do work.

Thank you for this thread, OP. I was contempolating posting something about 'oh-fuck-am-going-mad' and it is so reassuring to see that other people have had the same troubles and that there are ways of sorting them out.

comradely punch on arm for sgb too