Any GPs about, over anxious mum needing reassurance!

[kaylasmum]

Hi i've posted on here recently about my 20 month old ds who has a small lump on his back next to his spine. GP referred him to paediatrician who had x-rays done, which turned out fine. We were told that he would get an appointment for an ultrasound in 6-8 weeks, i asked why it could'nt be done sooner and the consultant said that it was not ugrent. Anyway, my gp thought it was maybe a lipoma but the consultant did'nt seem to think so. My sons scan is on Monday, i suffer terribly from anxiety and have found the last three months very difficult. I'm absolutely terrified of this scan and what it will reveal. My rational side tells me that if the consultant thought that there was even aremote chance of it being something serious then he would have referred my son for an urgent scan, but with this anxiety its so difficult to think rationally. I just keep thinking that he's maybe made a mistake and missed something important and all this time has passed and my son could be getting ill.

Please if anyone can help to allay my fears i'd really appreciate it.

How very worrying for you [hug]

Yes, if they were even remotely concerned about anything serious the scan would have been done by now.

It is a sad fact but we do have to prioritise for certain investigations and although ideally we would like to prioritise everybody it just can't be done. It is very difficult for us aswell although the worry is obviously not the same as when it is your child. The patient in front of me is always the most important one at the time, I always want to sort everything out for them now and hate the limitations of the system that mean I can't.

Lipomas, as I hope your GP explained, are just little fatty lumps and harmless. The ultrasound in this case is probably a bit for your reassurance and a bit to help work out what it might be. It is likely to turn out to be my most hated diagnosis of "just one of theose things that are harmless but we can't explain" frustrating but a fact of life when the body is far more complicated than we can ever imagine.

Nothing will stop you worrying - it is part of being a mum but please take some reassurance from the fact that two experts with significant experience between them do not think it looks worrying and are still double checking to make sure

all the best.

what a lovely post ummadam!

thank you so much for your quick reply, sorry i did'nt see it sooner but it was my dd's birthday yesterday so everything was a bit hectic. I've made the mistake of googling and terrified myself with what i've found. Rhabdomyosarcoma is one of the most worrying things i've found and i can't get it out of my head. I have awful thoughts, this is mainly down to my anxiety, which has really taken hold. Its been 3 months now since i noticed the lump and for all i know it could have been there for a lot longer as its not always noticeable all the time, it depends how he moves. If it was anything serious then would 'nt he have some kind of symptoms by now. I'm sorry for all the questions but i just want to be as calm as possible tommorrow when he gets his scan.

Thank you again, you have ben very reassuring.

I hope your dd had a lovely birthday

Step away from the google button! The problem with medical information on the internet is that if you don't have the background knowledge to interpret it correctly you just get yourself into a panic. I've done the same with my own family in areas that are outside my speciality. I know if it was my patient I would be sending them for a proper review by an expert in that area but for me and my family --I can't resist a quick google and it only makes me worry more!

Rhabdomyosarcoma's are scary and will be one of the things they are triple checking to exclude, but they are very rare. It is extremely unlikely that anything this serious could have hung around and not changed or caused pain or other symptoms this long. Given your son's age and where it is, a rhabdo is even more unlikely.

I wish I could give you a 100% guarantee that the scan tomorrow will find nothing to worry about [hug] but 100% guarantees are 100% guaranteed to be wrong as they just don't exist in medicine. This is why it is so easy for anxiety to catch hold in these areas - because the "what if" can be so varied

You have done the hardest part over the past few months and the waiting is nearly over. Give your son a huge hug, remind yourself that he is a happy, healthy little boy and try your very best to relax today (but cut yourself some slack if that is too hard, it is natural and normal to be worried in these circumstances even when we are as sure as we can be that everything will be ok.) is there someone who can go with you or you can call after the scan whatever it shows? After 3 months of worrying a clear result may be quite overwhelming too.

Please let us know how you get on tomorrow. Hopefully your son will have the all clear and you will feel a million times better If your anxiety is very bad at the moment it is possible that you might not even find a clear scan reassuring enough and that would be the time to have a good chat with your GP about your own worries and feelings. Anxiety is a normal part of life, but it should not be so strong that it attracts from the enjoyment of life and there are options and adviceto help deal with it other than medication if you think it is a problem for you.

squigglywig - thank-you, I always worry that I'm not phrasing what I want to say properly so it is very reassuring to hear that it came out right

My niece has one of these fatty lumps on her back. She is now 6, and has had absolutely no problems with it. I Have heard they are quite common in little ones.

Great advice from ummadam.

Thanks again, its so good of you to take the time to reply to me. I have spoken to my GP about getting help for my anxiety, i've had post natal depression also and when i last saw my GP she increased my citalopram to 40mgs from 20mgs. Do'nt think i've noticed any difference yet but its only been 2 weeks. Im also being referred for CBT.

You were saying that they would be triple checking to make sure that it is'nt rhabdomyosarcoma, but surely if they wanted to rule that out then they would have done that right at the beginning. I had to phone NHS 24 today as i noticed that there was a purple tinge to my sons stools over the past 2 days, so i went into complete panic mode. Then i remembered that he had eaten a lot of red grapes on Friday and he also drinks a lot of blackcurrant juice. I automatically thought that it must be something to do with the lump on his back and that something must be pressing on his bowel and making it bleed. The nurse at the NHS 24 said that it was very likely that it was the grapes but to keep an eye on his nappies over the next few days. I must sound like a complete neurotic freak but i just get so scared.

Sunshineandshowers - when was your nieces lump first noticed and how was it determined that it was a fatty lump.

God i wish this was all over!!

Hi there.

I'm a GP and would completely echo what ummadam said so well in her post.

You wouldn't be human if your weren't anxious about this scan- it is only natural to feel this way, you are his mummy and he is your world. We all get obsessive and neurotic about things like this, even when we know that the overwhelming likelihood is that everything will be OK.

It will all be over soon and hopefully you will have all the reassurances you need. Have a virtual handhold from me- I'm in a touchy feely mood today.

BTW- The first time I ever saw blueberry poo I nearly freaked!

If they thought it was a rhabdo you would know by now and all the scans would have been done much earlier. Sometimes even when we think a lump or symptom is nothing we would rather still check to be able to draw a line under it. Especially if the test isn't painful or harmful and ultrasound is very safe as you know.

Grape skins do that - it can be very off putting! beetroot is another one that does the same although I expect he hasn't had much of that blood looks very different, either bright red or tarry black.

You don't sound neurotic at all TBH you sound very sensible to me! The CBT will help and hopefully so will the citalopram increase but that does take a few weeks and you can feel a bit more anxious than normal before the improvement kicks in.

Let us know how you get on - I'll keep an eye out

i'm going to try to get an early night and not worry too much, you have both been a huge reassurance to me and i really appreciate your replies. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Thanks,

Tracey.

just wanted to update on my sons scan, the doctor said she does'nt think its anything serious but she said she'd have to think about it and write up her report. This was a relief to hear but i'm still worried cos she did'nt say it was definately not anything bad. I asked her if she thought it was a tunour and she said she did'nt think so and that if it was then it would look nasty. I told her about my fears of rhabdomyosarcoma and she said that the lump is'nt in the muscle, that its above it and quite small, about a centimetre and smooth, she said it was like a disc. Now i have to wait to hear from the consultant and to see what he wants to do next. I'm so worried that they will want to do an MRI or a biopsy. I'd much rather that they just keep an eye on it in the meantime rather than putting him through any more tests. Although the ultrasound was'nt painful in any way my ds was very distressed as we had to hold him down. It was a horrible experience.

I felt that the doctor was'nt very sympathetic of my fears and anxieties over this, in fact she made me feel like a neurotic idiot.

Was it a doctor who did the scan, or was it a sonographer. I think that often sonographers are reluctant to give results without having run it by a doctor, so that might be why she didnt want to tell you anything "definite"

IMO I found that when things are serious then the concern of the medical staff is usually pretty obvious. My DD had a serious problem, and for me it was a tremendous relief when things improved and again I felt that I was maybe being neurotic.
I dont think that I'm putting it very well, but when the medical staff thought things were bad it was horribly obvious, and very frightening, so feeling that you are a lot more worried than them may not always be a bad thing.

Hi, it was actually a doctor that did the scan, and she did say that she did'nt think that it was anything serious but needed to think about it before she wrote her report to send to the consultant. I don't really understand that, either its serious or its not. I jsut want this all to be over.

Hopefully you get a good result soon!

Hi kaylasmum - sorry it wasn't a good experience - little ones always hate being held down and something that is quite ok for us can be scary for them

I think to be honest you are reading a bit to much into what she said [hug] It is very good news that it isn't in the muscle and was smooth as they are both very reassuring features.

Without being telepathic I can't say for sure - but as a doctor if I heard "does'nt think its anything serious but have to think about it and write up her report." I'd just assume the person saying it was taking it seriously and wanted some time to think properly and apply their knowledge. I don't always have the answers right away, particularly for non-serious things as they are not as much at the front of my brain as my list of Things That Must Not Be Missed. There are often "that rings a bell" / "I'm sure I've heard of something like this" / "it's a bit like that other case" / "it's on the tip of my tongue now what is it called again" / "oh patient X had the same, now what did we decide it was in the end?" type things! My brain simply isn't big enough to hold every medical fact I've ever been told right at the front for instant recall and a good think (and a coffee) can work wonders!

That doesn't happen for scary things as they stay right at the front all the time and if we see something worrying we say so then not later.

I think this comes back a bit to how you are feeling. You are quite reasonably worried but also think you will come across as neurotic. I can only think of a handful of times I have felt patients or parents were being overly cautious and even then I understood why they were. I'm sure she didn't think you were being neurotic - she was probably quite pleased that you had said what you were worried about - there is nothing worse than having to play a guessing game about what someone needs reassurance about

It is good news Spoil yourself and your son rotten today - you both had a horrid morning and you deserve it!

I really appreciate you getting back to me, you've certainly helped me put things in perspective over the last couple of days, and this has helped me stay reasonably calm. The doctor also said that rhabdomyosarcomas are very rare and that she'd maybe only seen one in 20 years, and in a way that is reassuring to an extent but they do occur. I'm sure if she thought there was any possibility of that then she would have said, but of course my mind does'nt always work the way it should and i tend to analyse every word thats been said to me and usually come to the wrong conclusion. I have my appt for my first CBT session next week so hopefully things will start to improve.

Just one more thing, you'll remember i asked you about my son have strange coloured stools, well he did'nt have a dirty nappy yesterday but he did today and it had that strange purple colour to it again. I phoned the HV and she reckons it could be the blackcurrant juice that he drinks, she said to cut it out of his diet and see how that goes. Do you know if this could be the cause? he's been drinking it for quite some time and i've only just noticed the purple colour..

Any dark red/blue/purple coloured fruit can make the poo go spectacularly dark and weird-coloured. The juice sounds like the culprit.

Remember to keep you rational hat on (although it can be hard). You're doing great.

thanks Emma, i'm just so stressed out at the moment, i just seem to pick up on the smallest little things and make them huge. I really am trying to control my feelings and think i'm doing quite well.

Thanks for replying, it really means a lot to me to have someone who understands, i have a partner but i can't really talk to him so a lot of the time i feel very alone and isolated with my fears.

What emma said see what happens if you skip the juice or anything like blueberries etc for a few days. You are doing really well and your post shows a lot of insight into how your mind is working

Hi me again! been starting to get a bit over anxious again over the last 2 days, my ds's scan was on Monday and i have'nt heard anything yet from the consultant. The doctor who did the scan said that it would take a couple of days for the consultant to receive her report so i thought i might have heard something by now.

Also i was reading a post on the childrens health thread about an 8 month old baby who has a lump on his back and his parents have just found out that it is cancer, and of course this is freaking me out. I'm really trying so hard not to think too negatively but its very difficult not too. Two GP's, the consultant and the doctor who did the scan all say they don't think its anything serious so why am i finding it hard to beleive them.

Sorry for being a complete pain.

Hi Kaylasmum,

Don't worry - you're not a pain

Ok, this is very much the case of no news is good news If you think of all the investigations and tests that happen in the hospital everyday, even if the doctor who scanned wrote their report right then (and remember they wanted to think a little but weren't worried) and it got onto the system and sent to the consultant's secretary that day and even if the consultant happened to be in the office at that time and he happened to see the result straight away (rather than the scanning doctor or secretary calling him and flagging it up which is what would happen if it was a bad result) - he would still have to deal with any abnormal results first and wouldn't necessarily have got back to you yet

Did he (the consultant not the scanning doctor) say when he would get back to you with the result or was it left open that he would contact you if there was a problem or see you in clinic again? We often don't ring patients with ok results as there are simply not enough hours in the day I wish there were

If you are finding it hard to relax then maybe call and leave a message with his secretary to say that you are very worried about the scan and do they have the final result yet as you weren't sure whether he was going to call you or not.

Of course when you are worried an upsetting similar sounding story will make you worry more, but this is not the same ok it is a completely normal reaction. My ds has a small squint - I know about squints, I know when to worry and when to not, well my brain does anyway! My heart reads stories on here of children needing surgery and it still not working and causing blindness and I panic. I know those are different circumstances and the one my son has is mild and not at all worrying - but I still ended up at my own GP having a little panic

The important thing is not to let your worries overwhelm you. Write on a piece of paper - [Four doctors have examined X and they don't think its anything serious. It's ok to worry about this but it is under control] Everytime you feel the anxiety about this bubbling up again, get the paper out and read it outloud and put it away. Sounds silly and patronising but alot of people find it helpful.

I really think you need to see your GP again about this. Even if it is just to update them on the situation with your son and tell them who you are feeling. If it was me I wouldn't mind and would be pleased you came.

I'm sure emma1977 will be back later and I think she is more experienced than me so will probably have better advice

let us know how you get on

Fantastic advice above.

I would definitely agree with no news being good news at this moment.

If you feel the need to be more proactive, then give the consultant's secretary a call today and ask if there's any report back yet. As ummadam says, it can take a little while for a report to be processed as there are so many links in the chain (report dictated, passed to secretary to type, report sent to consultant in another department, consultant reads it and their secretary forwards it to the GP)- I understand it is hugely frustrating to be the one waiting for the news while all this goes on.

There is a part in all of us that gets a bit irrational and always thinking that the worst case scenario will happen. When you are anxiou, stressed or depressed, this feeling gets magnified+++ and it is easy to lose perspective. It happens to all of us. Believe me, doctors are the worst with their own children. In my head, my son's reflux was some rare metabolic disease until proven otherwise, his squint was a retinoblastoma until proven otherwise and so on...

Of course, bad things do happen, but they are VERY, VERY unlikely.

thank you both once again, i feel bad about taking up your time with all my questions but you both really help to put my mind at rest, for a while anyway!

The consultant did'nt actually say anything definate about what to do after the scan. He said he did'nt know how long the appt would take and mentioned something about seeing my son again 6-8 weeks on but did'nt say if we should call for an appt or if one would be sent out. Its almost 9 weeks since we last saw him. I have thought about phoning the consultants secretary but the last time i did that to discuss the x-ray results she was quite off hand with me. Surely if there was anything wrong i would have been contacted by now. Thats the rational part of me thinking, but still i worry.

give her a call anyway - at least that way you will know what the plan is about getting the results maybe she was having a bad day - medical secretaries are over-worked and under-paid which can leave them a bit grumpy but most of them are actually lovely and respond well to a little TLC

have decide to wait until after the weekend and hive them a call if i've not heard anything by Monday. The doctor who did the scan told me that her daughter was'nt well that morning so she might have to collect her so would maybe not be able to write her report that day.

We have a caravan and are going away for the weekend so i'll just try to calm down and go with the "no news is good news" train of thought!

well done

Have a lovely weekend!