Does any one need help with PND?

[jigger]

Well, where to start????I have only just discovered Mumsnet and think that it is fantastic and absolutely invaluable to any Mum or Mum to be.

I wanted to write to share my experiences of postnatal depression with anyone who might be interested. Equally to be there to offer advice/encouragement to anyone who is suffering from it now.

Before you read on you should know that I am happier today in my life than I have ever been before and equally that I do not regret having suffered from PND at all as it was life changing for me but only for the better.

This time last year I was probably about 4 months into my 5 months of maternity leave. Like many people out there I thought I could have a baby go back to work and pick up my career where I left off, albeit with shorter hours. This is what I fully intended to do. As planned, I went back to work when my son was just over 4 months old. I was not however aware at the time how ill I was or was to become. There are a lot of factors which I shan't bore you with, suffice to say that, after 8 weeks back at work I had a severe panic which led to me going home that lunch time, seeing a private counsellor that evening and little did I know it at the time but I would never return to that company again.

Between May and December last year I had/experienced all of the following:

1. Not wanting to get out of bed in the morning
2. Not knowing how I could possibly live through the day.
3. Feeling sorry for my son that he had me as a mother.
4. Looking at the world out of the window on a beautiful spring day and trying to tell myself that the world was a good place to live in - (But not succeeding).
5. Wondering why we were all on this planet and what it was all for anyway.
6. Visits to the doctor's surgery where I sat in the waiting room with my head in my hands not knowing how to live through the day.
7. Visits to my home from the psychiatric crisis team from the local hospital (on two separate occasions).
8. Three months day treatment at the local psychiatric hospital.
9. Walking along a busy road with my son thinking that "if only I had someone responsible here to take my son and look after him I would throw myself under a truck".
10. Regular trips to see my counsellor - the first counsellor was no good, the second was instrumental in helping me to get better.
11. Varying doses of antidepressant drugs.
12. A fantastic keyworker at the local psychiatric hospital
13. Amazing support from friends and family-even if I tried I could not thank them enough.

It was a very long haul but one day in the autumn last year (after doctors, hospitals, drugs, support from friends & family etc etc)I decided "I have had enough of this" and worked from that day on to get better. All of the advice, tips, hints etc I had had up to that time were suddenly things that I could apply rather than things that didn't seem appropriate to me. It wasn't as easy as typing this might make it seem but......

I now combine part time work with part time motherhood. I have the best of both worlds which I have worked out is right for me. I adore my son (now a very painful but endearing toddler) and as I said at the beginning I do not regret the illness one bit. It changed my life but only for the better.

If anyone is having a bad time and wants to vent off I would be happy to help if I can.

Thanks for taking the time to write this - its really helpful to hear other peoples experiences. Are you still on tablets?

Thanks for this, it's very informative. How did you work to get better? What kind of things did you do/think?
I ask because, having had PND with DS1, I was determined not to get it with DS2 (HA!). I decided that not acknowledging that anything was wrong might help, but it didn't, and I have just 'given in' and gone on anti-D's. Many of the points you mention below, especially 3 and 5, are very familiar to me. Do you have any other tips, or did the help you received from the psychiatric unit do the trick?
Glad to hear you are feeling so much better.

Jigger, that is a great summary pf pnd - I felt like it was reading about me, although I wasn't lucky enough to gwt day treatment and was in hospital for a while.
Are you off your drugs now? Mt ds is 1 and I came down to the lowest dose of my drugs yesterday - and feel very proud of myself!

Very well put.
I have suffered depression, though not postnatal but same symptoms really. Postnatal must be harder as you have a baby to look after.
I clearly remember a night when I said to myself "Enough (of being depressed) is enough".

That, and prozac saved my life.

Dear All,

I have not personally suffered with PND, but proffessionally I work with people who are being treated for mental health problems, and I have alot of contact with women with PND and other types of depressive illnesses.

First things first - these illnesses are treatable, start with your GP and get prescribed an antidepressnat, these pills do work (no i'm not working for a drug company honest!) then if no improvment after 3 months, seek a referral to a community mental health team, where you are given more ongoing support and the opportunity to talk things through.

Pnd gets so muddled as we all know becoming a mum is so emotinally overwhelming, but let me reassure you that this is treatable and with the right support you don't have to put up with these dreadfully dibilitating illnesses. All the best

Just wanted to add my two cents - thumbs up for antidepressants! Made a complete difference in my life! I have made it through a very challenging year, and I know it helped tremendously.

It actually took me being on them to realize that I had muddled through an awful lot in the past, depressed and not realizing it. Just thought I was unworthy! I didn't suffer from PND, but having suffered depression in general, I can only imagine the amount of strength it takes to keep going. Best wishes Droile!

Hi everyone...

I wrote a message on an earlier thread describing how awful I was feeling too. I had loads of advice, and honestly I ended up back at the doctors every flippin day to sort my AD's out!! I was on metazapine which actually increased anxiety and panic attacks.

After some advice from other mummys, I went onto cipramil and after 2 weeks I am beginning to feel somewhat "normal" again. I am so relieved and yes I agree...Thumbs up for AD's!! Would like to have done it on my own but sometimes we all need some help eh? My mornings have turned into fun time again woth my 7 month old and I am finally enjoying stuff again.

We even went swimming the other day, a situation I could not have faced a month ago without running home in a sweating panic.

So, jigger, thanks for your advice too. We women don't half get it rough don't we?? I am amazed at the amount of women who feel exactly the same. But I am also encouraged by their stories and how they get over it. I hope to be like that soon.

Take care all

Good to hear from all of you. Just to answer a few questions and to give you the latest update and other thoughts.

Kizzie and Susanmt: - yes I am off the tablets, I was on venlafaxine 150mg (I had been on far higher doses throughout the summer and also on an antipsychotic called olanzapine) and came off it about three weeks ago. I didn't bother with going down to the even lower dose since I knew I was better and didn't need them anymore. Instead I took them every other day for a few days then one every three days for a few days then one every four days and then gave up. All I can say is that I didn't realise how much they calmed me down or slowed my thought processes (I did need this when I was ill though). The first two weeks my poor brain was going nineteen to the dozen with new ideas, projects, things I wanted to do etc etc talk about being high and I must say I really was exhausting myself as a consequence. Now things are calmer and a bit more stable. I wouldn't come off the tablets unless you are really certain that the time is right to do so - I did discuss it with the doctor first.

Droile: - you asked what I thought/did to "work to get better". Thats a bit of a difficult one to answer. As you might have seen from my original note I had had quite a lot of good advice over the months that I was I just didn't know quite how to apply it. Once I had decided to turn the corner I was somehow able to understand the things that people had been telling me all along and even if I didn't understand I worked really hard to try to do so i.e.

1. Take each day at a time
2. Don't judge yourself
3. What you are doing is good enough for now - don't worry about the future.
4. No rush to work out what to do with rest of life/when to have next baby/career etc etc
5. Don't be so hard on yourself
6. Say well done to yourself for the days achievements - even if all you managed to do was get out of bed!!

These are but a few of the things that I was told along the way - if I wasn't at work now I could probably think of whats more.

Equally once I started to work to get better I got on with a few projects such as looking for a new part time job. Going to interviews and talking about what I had done in the past started to make me feel proud of myself again and I gained confidence in the process - this too helped me to get better.

Also as I started to get better things that were previously "timefillers" to some extent in order to get me through the day i.e. attending playgroups, visiting friends, visiting family, being visited etc turned into much more enjoyable experiences and into real things that I wanted to do.

Susannt: Congratulations on getting down to your lowest dose of drugs to date well done. Don't rush to come off them though, like all things I think you will suddenly know when you don't need them anymore.

Other things I thought I would mention:

1. Great book (or at least the first half of it is - it goes a bit psychobabblish and new wave in the second half) if you are having trouble settling into your new role as mother and haven't quite worked out whether you are going to be at home part,full time or not at all. (This was a big theme for me when I was ill).

THE SMART WOMAN's GUIDE TO STAYING AT HOME - MELISSA HILL.

I of course didn't find this book until about a month ago but having read it I would have to say that a lot of what Melissa has to say is stuff that I had worked out along the way. I am taking notes though before I send it back to the library.

2. A main motivation for writing in the first place was my lack of understanding when I first became ill. Both my husband and I were very worried when our doctor sent me home to wait for the local Psychiatric Crisis Team to come to our house to assess me - knowing nothing we were very concerned that they would take our son away. This of course did not happen os if you are in this boat don't worry they are there to help. And if they don't help......call them out again!!!!

I hope you all have a good day and if you don't don't worry it WILL get better.

Thanks for this jigger, I'll try to find that book.