MM, it's me again - and I should be in bed - again! I was going to mention about concerns re delayed discharge, but decided it was not relevant as this should not be an issue for Social services if there's an outstanding CHC assessment or if the person is a self-funder - and even if it were an issue, any social worker worth their salt should be more concerned about their client than the precious bed-days and any possible fines.
Honestly, I thought our Trust was pretty bad and our discharge nurses have horns(!), but even they use the correct assessment tool, for heavens sake - the whole thing sounds outrageous!!
It also sounds as if the social worker is in cahoots with the nurses, which simply isn't on: we see our role as an advocate for the patient and their family and spend a large proportion of our time fighting for patients' rights.
It's totally wrong, as you correctly say, to ask about costs of care homes before the decision has been made, and certainly in our authority it's up to the Trust/Social Services to negotiate the price of the care home direct with the provider depending on the patient's individual needs.
I also agree that there's still a lot of ignorance out there about the new rules, which only came into force last October, but we find that in our area it's actually worse in the community and that the hospital staff are quite clued up.
I suggested an independent advocate, but another idea - and you could do both - would be to approach PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service), which every hospital has to have by law. You would certainly have a very justifiable complaint due to the amazing incompetence of the staff, and you could also put in a complaint to social services if you thought this would help.
A final point: you've not gone into detail about what's wrong with her, but just because you've been told that she's too unwell to continue living at home doesn't automatically make her qualify for CHC; the assessors do have to adhere to strict criteria - although, as you say, they are open to interpretation - but they do have to be evidenced. It's also true that people can go home and have a care package funded by CHC. One final point: social services can't force people to sell their homes even if they have to pay for their own care; a charge can be put on the property instead so that a debt is accrued, but obviously the fees do have to be paid.
Again, if you lose the fight and do have to pay, and want financial advice re care home funding & how to make the money go as far as possible, it would be sensible to seek out someone independent, eg via www.helptheaged.org.uk/carefees.
Hope that helps; it's much too late and I'm off to bed now. Zzzzzz...