My friend just emailed to tell me she has breast cancer, I'm all over the place

[Kbear]

We were best mates at school, born a day apart at the same hospital and laughed our way through school days. She moved away when she got married but we always kept in touch on our birthdays.

I sent her a joke by email today, not having spoken to her since we turned 40 back in March, and she replied tonight telling me her news of having cancer.

So, my question is, what can I do to support her? I've emailed back and I hope I've done and said the right things, it's a nightmare knowing what to say but as she is a very up front kind of person I decided not to skirt around the issue but hit it head on. I've said I'm here if she needs me but I don't know whether to send a get well card or a thinking of you card or flowers or what? I am going to call her at the weekend for a good chat and sometimes I think being there is the best thing but I would like her to know that I'm thinking of her.

Are flowers appropriate? Help me here gals.

Kbear, I am ever so sorry to hear this. Good luck to your friend - I know what a shock it is to hear this news from friends.
Sorry to see in a way she is not local as I know from a pal's experience that the care round where we are is quite superb - there is the most wonderful, caring, wigmaker in Welling that women can call on apparently.
I hope her treatment goes really well. Flowers now would be fine IME.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

I had a sleepless night with my brain whirring. I feel a bit wobbly today to be honest but it takes a while for news like that to sink in and of course, quite selfishly I keep thinking what if it happened to me and why her etc etc.

I am going to call her tonight and have a chat and will send some flowers next week when she starts treatment.

is she a flowers sort of person ? If so _ I would send her some - and say on the card - sorry you are going through this - call me if I can help, chat, reminisce (sp ?) or just for you scream at.

hi there - i was diagnosed with BC in April and am just coming to the end of chemo and will then have surgery. The things that have kept me going during the last few months are simple things like receiving texts from friends just asking how i am every so often, mums at school giving me magazines to read during chemo, little notes of support in the post and flowers. She will need to talk about it and be upfront about it - i can't stand fannying around the issue!!!

You sound like a wonderful friend. Just be there for her when she needs to talk/laugh/cry/moan/shout. She is lucky to have a friend like you.

Good luck to your friend XX

awww thanks huffpuff. Best of luck with your recovery too.

KBear am so sorry to hear the news of your friend. Mum had breast cancer a few years ago and was always really chuffed when people sent her flowers or took the time to write her a note or a card. All she needs to know is that you're thinking of her and that your offers of help are genuine

am sure she realises how lucky she is to have you

awww thanks huffpuff. Best of luck with your recovery too.

Hey dizzy!!

remember its ok to be worried about it, she'll appreciate your honesty rather than having to be brave about everything so as not to upset everyone else

thanks dizzy. TBH I am fortunate in that I've never had anyone close to me suffer with cancer so I didn't know what the hell to say or do. I'm so conscious about and worried about doing the wrong thing but don't want to do nothing.

I'm going to call her tomorrow - I thought if I called her last night or tonight I would be the one falling apart and sobbing! Not much use to her then eh? I've got to grips with it now and feel I can have a conversation with her and still breathe!

She's a toughy I know but I think sometimes it's easier talking to someone who is less connected to you in a way, you can be more honest without thinking about the impact on that person IYKWIM. Like talking on MN a bit I suppose, you can pour your heart out knowing that your loved ones won't be upset.

Anyway, thanks for all your posts. I really appreciated them.

you're very welcome, you only ever have to ask and if I can help I will

Kbear -if she's a MNetter type I think there is a thread for people going through/supporting through cancer on here. You coud pop on there too .

After dithering all weekend, I just called my friend. She was sounded pleased to hear from me thankfully, I didn't feel like I was intruding. I didn't say much, she just seemed like she wanted to tell me everything which is good because I didn't want to have to ask questions just to keep the conversation going IYKWIM. She starts chemo on Wednesday. She is thinking positive (although she has been told she has the worst type/grade of cancer) and she is coming out fighting. She has told her boys too and telling me that was when we both nearly fell apart!

God it's a bitch sometimes isn't it?

Glad you called her Kbear, it's hard isn't it? Keep in touch with her (make a note of the dates she is doing chemo so you can text her/ send notes/flowers etc on the days she is in).

am sure she was truely delighted to hear from you KBear

hope her chemo goes well