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How do I support my Mum.....

83 replies

winnie · 18/02/2005 15:41

Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer last year. She is 52. She had been ill for two years and is currently int he process of making a claim against the hospital for medical negligence as big mistakes were made in her treatment and it should have been diagnosed earlier. Anyhow, she underwent major surgery within 4 days of her proper diagnosis to remove the T2 tumor and was then given the 'all clear'. The surgery took a long time to get over and in the coming months she seemed to get a little better but not properly so (in lots of pain, sleeping alot, unable to do anything physical etc)since about Sept she has been getting progressively worse, has done less and less and basically spends her days sleeping or in pain, she has also lost a stone in a very short space of time. She has aged dreadfully. She has been getting more and more depressed and has seemed convinced the cancer is back. Anyway after much pushing for follow ups etc she finally had a full body scan and today she has been told that she has a growth on what is left of her lung, 'something' on her spine and shoulder and 4 broken ribs. I just feel sick. My dd (15) who has always been very close to Mum & is distraught (my Dad unexpectedly died only 3 years ago at the age of 56). I know Mum hasn't been told the cancer is back but given the amount of pushing for a diagnosis in the first place and then the amount of pushing for follow ups we are all very sceptical. Dh had cancer years ago and is very much of the mind that one has to remain positive but today I just feel all over the place. How the hell do I support the people I love?

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mummydreamer · 13/03/2005 23:21

Winnie
Have left message on the other thread. I'm pleased you have made contact with MacMillan nurses. I don't know where you live, but I suspect you will have to chase the referral.
Will be thinking of you and sending you lots of positive thoughts anyway.
Today, I've had to hit the smoothie maker - one way of trying to do something nice and relatively healthy for myself in this maelstrom! I send a virtual "energy giving" smoothie to you too!

Good luck tomorrow - Feel free to CAT me if you need a listening ear. xx

winnie · 15/03/2005 17:11

I am feeling a whole mix of emotions at the moment. Am finding it difficult to find the extra energy and strength I need at the moment. Seem to spend an awful lot of time biting my tongue as I don't want to p*ss off people around Mum as I obviously don't want her upset, but it seems others aren't quite so thoughtful
Dh has just told me he needs an appointment to see his GP as he is afraid that his cancer has returned

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winnie · 15/03/2005 17:17

Meant to say that although I am feeling a mix of emotions and finding it difficult to find energy & strength I am coping and not falling apart thank goodness.

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Marina · 15/03/2005 17:33

Oh Winnie I do hope not . I know he's being such a brick but do you think this might be more to do with you being very preoccupied with your mum's wellbeing? I love men, I'm married to one, but they can be very odd at times and most of the ones I know subsconsciously "mirror" symptoms and health worries in people they love...
You sound very together to me. Hope it helps coming on here to talk. [hugs] as ever.

winnie · 16/03/2005 09:09

Marina, I hope you are right but dh had tests about a year ago & although he was told everything was fine the symptoms have got worse. He hasn't said very much lately as he hasn't wanted to worry me but I have been aware of problems and I've been going on at him to get himself checked out. I think given the current situation he may be thinking that a mistake could have been made last year.

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Marina · 16/03/2005 09:50

Well, with that kind of background that is such an understandable reaction. Keeping my fingers crossed for you both, Winnie - what a horrible worry

mummydreamer · 22/03/2005 11:00

Winnie - wondering how you are doing. Thinking of you anyway...x

winnie · 23/03/2005 16:01

Mummydreamer, I am ok. Dh is having tests and Mum is home but having chemo via outpatients.
Feel that I've had to be quite hard on dd as she just wants to curl up in a ball at the moment and not face the world. But we are hanging on in here. Thanks for asking.

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