How do I tell my son he had his testicle removed when he was a baby?

[EggheadHilary]

My son is 5 years old and had an orchidectomy (removal of testicle) when he was a baby due to one of his testicle twisting and subsequently dying due to lack of oxygen.

Even at the time this was treated as some kind of joke by extended family members because my son now only has "one ball" however I don't think people would think it was funny if it was a girl's ovary.

My son is aware that if he feels any pain in the scrotum then he is to tell us immediately (or a teacher) because if he loses the other one then he will not only not have any children but he also won't go through puberty.

He is to have a prosthetic testicle (like on Cold Feet ) when he is a teenager for cosmetic reasons.

My dh and I do not know how or when to tell him, we do not want him telling other children as we feel that when he is older he would have the piss taken out of him for his difference.

Do we leave it until he starts doing swimming at school and therefore undressing in front of others? Would anyone even notice (we think it looks very different as one side of his sac is empty)

Does anyone have any experience of this or some other situation?

my ds is 3 and he has the same, they didnt remove the dead testicle thou they just let it wither away, i dont know how to deal with it and i blame myself, lots of what ifs i know i shouldnt but i cant help myself.

I dont know how to tell him or what to tell him, i havent even told him to tell us of any pain, i just watch him like a hawk.

sorry not much help

You have obviously told him about the importance of telling you if he gets any scrotal pain, which is important. Has he asked any questions yet or noticed that he is different to other boys?

TBH it is unlikely that other children will notice, unless they are REALLY looking.

I would perhaps encourage him to answer any questions he gets from other kids honestly but not make a big deal of it or advertise the fact. I say this, not because it is anything to be ashamed about, but because children can be really mean. There was a boy in my class at school who had exactly the same thing happen and made a big point of telling everyone, which I think he regretted as a teenager when he got taunted about it in front of the girls at school.

Bit off the point but have had two boyfriends who only had one each and they were both told quite young and seemed to feel they'd dealt with it okay. Never had any problems at school or anything. I think it's more common that we think.

Thanks everyone, my worry is that he will share the information and regret it as a teenager, that he'll have girls wanting a feel for a bet. I know that probably won;'t happen but children can be very cruel.

He has a baby brother so can see it on another child but I don't think he has investigated his own scrotum, plays with his willy lots though I just want to be prepared for when the questions come.

Clayre - I felt awful too and my son's was diagnosed when he was a few weeks old and I was told it must have happened when he was in the womb. They removed it to make sure it was a testicle and they stitched the other one in place top and bottom and both sides to help prevent the other one from twisting too. It doesn't put them at any extra risk because they have had one twist.

I had to tell people, A because he had an operation, B because he started nursery, then preschool, then school.

He does know to tell me if there is any pain in that area, and teachers, and grandparents!

Thanks to all.

ds starts nursery in a few weeks and i have had to write it on the forms where it asks for any medical problems, it hit really hard then.

Ds was born with a swollen scrotum they said it was just filled with fluid then when the sweeling went down and there was a hard lump they thought he had cancer, then lost his hopsital notes andi had to wait weeks for a scan, the man who did the scan bluntly said 'he just has a dead testicle'

His consultant decided not to stitch the other one place and not remove the remains of the dead one, just to let nature take its course, i think its gone now.

We were told if he has any pains or discomfort to take him straight to A&E cos they only have 6 hours to save it, we've not to fone NHS 24 or make a GP appointment.

My DH only has one, and no prosthetic. His was undescended (or descended and then withdrew) and he had it removed in his early 20s because of an apparent risk of cancer. We were already in a relationship at this point.

It has never really caused him a problem (other than pain from the abdominal surgery) and we conceived two children very easily. DS also had one that was slightly undescended and had to have an op last year to lower it which has hopefully worked. It is not quite as low as the other one but fairly much present. I am now wondering if I ought to tell DS to take care of the "good" one because I would imagine that their is a chance that the operated on side will not be fully functioning.

Kids MIGHT notice. There was a boy at primary school who was famous for only having one ball. Discovered by the other boys after swimming, I think. Seemed to be pretty much forgotten about after the first time he saw snow, though. He was South African. It was the only time classes were ever allowed to come to a halt because of snow. We weren't watching the snow, we were just watching him! Sorry - I know that's not helpful. Point is, we all knew but it was never a big deal.

My DH too only has one - testicular cancer two years ago.

Has never caused him any problems. We have two Ds's and they are both fully aware of this and the need to regulary keep an eye on themselves.

We are always honest with them without telling too much info - but then answer further questions if asked - he will appreciate your honesty in the long run.

bozza - make sure you keep regular checks on your son - (Sorry to be a scaremonger) - undescended testes plus DH's history means he needs to be careful - any slight worry get him checked asap.

We were extremely lucky as DH was diagnosed and then testicle was removed same day - no further treatment necessary.

Hubby only has one as when he was born 1 didn't descend and was removed, the sac has grown to accomodate the one he has and it sits just behind and to the side of his penis but isn't too noticable as being different

Clayre that is really awful, to think that he may have had cancer must have been horrifying. We were also told that if ds1 has any swelling or pain to take him straight to A & E as they do only have a very small window of opportunity to save it. I believe it is 6 hours.

Our son's was noticed when he had his 8 week check at the docs, despite having been checked by paediatric doctor at the hospital AND a health visitor check at 10 days.

We were referred for a scan and the sonographer was very blunt and said yes yes I can see it is calcified. We were in tears.

Linz thank god they caught your husbands in time, that must have been terrifying.

We have the added dilema that we have moved and we were told by the original hospital a year after the operation that after they had removed the "calcified testicle" they now couldn't be sure that it was a testicle.

They say "well what else could it be?" but originally they weren't sure if they would just remove the lump and then possibly need to look for an undescended testicle. Because they "saw" the lump they removed it but then didn't investigate the abdomen for any evidence of an undescended testicle, but the pathology came back and didn't mention anything about testicular tissue. They weren't sure what to do and nothing seems to have happened. "We'll write to your GP" was the last we heard.

I now have the task of going to the GP to ask how to approach this. If my son has an undescended testicle how will they know (as they couldn't say so last time) and we can't leave it because of the risk of cancer.

Sometimes being a parent is crap, I may have to make my son go through an operation for nothing.

How did any of you find out they definitely had an undecended testicle?

eggheadhillary,
ds also had torsion of one of his testicles as a baby and subsequently had it removed and the other fixed in place. He is now 8yrs old and is aware that he only has the one. I think he asked me why he only had one a few years back and I then felt he was ready to be told..I made it quite matter of fact, a bit like the 'birds and bees' talk. He is extremely sporty and I haven't stopped him particiapting in anything. He just has to be careful.
He did swimming in school this year and it was never an issue. To be honest, he still has the sack left so it isn't noticible. When he's older, if he wants a prosthesis, he can have one although I'm hoping he won't have any issues in this regard. Even at this age, he has the sense of privacy not to tell anyone though and I have reinforced that it is personal information and not for general knowledge.

I am so glad this post exists as I was going to write the exact one. My DS2 had his testicle removed when he was 3 as it had just withered and died, he now has one remaining. He is now nearly 8 and the other week burst into tears came running in and said 'where's my other ball'. Me and DH have had many conversations as to what to tell him and DH is adamant we must wait til he is older. He had a friend at school who had his school life made hell due to one testicle and my DH is concerned that this will happen to DS2. So what do I say. I am very open (usually) with both my boys and they both know the facts of life etc. I just feel it's time to tell him particuarly as he needs to know about pain in his remaining testicle but it causes arguments in our house as we both view this differently. Also I am paranoid in case DS2 gets kicked or injured there and almost feel as if he should be wearing a permanent strap to protect it. Also I wonder if I should get him to freeze sperm later in case he loses his other one. I blame myself all the time and wonder if I could have done something in pregnancy that caused this as DS1 had to have his testicle brought down by surgery - luckily they managed to save it. I was devestated when the surgeon told me DS2's testicle had died and worry about it a lot. Sorry to go on but hearing mums with the same issue is a comfort. Thank you.

bump

Hi everyone, I have the same problem with my son. He was born with one testicle, the other simply wasn't there. I feel it is time to tell him now, as he is 9, and will be starting talking about sex education next year. I have read through the posts, but would like some advice.
Thankyou.

Are any of you lovely ladies still active regarding this and can offer some advice on how your little boys are now? My son is 1 and after surgery on Friday we're told he only has one. x

My son had a testicle removed when he was 10 duento torsion. Obviously he was aware with what was going on and it has never bothered him. He was offered a silicone implant when he was 16 but was happy how he was so didn't go down that route. He is now an adult and in a long term relationship.
I would be honest with your son from as soon as he understands then he will hopefully not feel awkward about it as he gets older.

Thank you very much for your response. I think I'm more worried about how it may affect puberty and growth. Conscious one testicle may not produce enough testosterone? Did your son go through puberty ok?

I have four boys all have now gone through puberty, one still is though and I have noticed no difference between any of them. So I would say missing a testicle has not made him any different. After his surgery the surgeon reassured us and my son that it would make no difference to his life and he would be able to father children as one is enough! The only thing is maybe some may be concerned about the cosmetic appearance, I obviously haven't seen my son naked since his surgery but it has never bothered him and he didn't ask for the implant surgery.
I wouldn't let your son see that it bothers you and be open about it with him as he gets older and I am sure he will be fine.
I am sure you are a bit shocked and upset at the moment, that's understandable, but he will be fine.

Thank you very much. I think I just need to stop reading things online. I really appreciate your response

He will be fine...enjoy his childhood

It really hasn't been an issue for my son, we have always been open with him and I guess being 10 at the time it could have been a difficult time for him.

Does it have to be such a Big Thing? Would you not just discuss it matter of factly as and when the subject comes up? Like when he asks what it's are called, when he talks about how his Daddy's bits look etc.

And does he really need a prosthetic? Surely that's telling him there is a reason for him to be ashamed of his body?

My DF only has one bollock. I have no idea how but we all know from when we were young. It was discussed, fleetingly, very matter of fact.

I wouldnt bother. Certainly not yet! My first love was told wen applying for the navy at 18 that he was circumcised. He didnt know. I was really understanding and sympathetic when he told me... i excitedly said i knew it didnt look like the pictures in biology!!!! Ah an innocent time pre internet.

*Kmummy
*
You might be better off starting a new thread as most posters will read the 8 year old OP and answer that instead of realising you've resurrected the thread with a question.