Can I - a problem drinker - ever become a 'normal' drinker?

[LLVL2]

I have always been a heavy drinker. I'm the friend you have who always drinks a bit more than everyone else and ends up calling round the next day asking, "Was I awful?"

Until recently, I was drinking at least three times a week, and that was without leaving the house. It may not sound loads, but I could easily polish off a bottle of wine on each occasion.

So, I have made a concious effort to cut down and now drink once a week and only if it's an 'occasion'. Though, an 'occasion' could be having a friend round. When I go out drinking, I am still the one who drinks too much. I went to a wedding on Friday and ended up being sick. I am 33 - not a teenager. I feel edgy with an empty glass and drink more and more quickly than everyone else.

I worry a lot that I am an alcoholic. My relationship with alcohol is definitely not normal. The thought of giving it up completely scares the life out of me. I cannot imagine social occasions without it. Though, of course, I managed plenty of these throughout both my pregnancies.

Saying that, I don't actually go out drinking that often. Once every couple of months probably. But when I do, I really drink. I wake up cringing and feeling the need to apologise.

Oh, this is rambling now... I just wondered whether it is possible to become a normal drinker or whether abstinence is my only hope. I feel quite terrified. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. I do not want my children to go through the same. I think writing this has probably made it clear what I need to do.

You may find that stopping for a while (a few years?) may reset your behaviour with alcohol.

Is counselling an option? It sounds like you're dealing with some big stuff here, and it might help you sort things out.

Thank you. I think I might look into counselling, though I think they may laugh me out of the place! Plenty of people deal with much bigger problems than me without resorting to drink.

I think I must give it up though - even if it's only for a while. Like you say, it may help to re-set things.

i would go and look for counselling now before it gets really bad. sounds to me like you are using drink to deal with other issues and its within your power to stop using it that way and develop the 'normal' relationship you want with it.
i dont think, however, that you will manage it without some real self examination and professional help to learn ways to deal with things would be hugely helpful for you. imo.

Lots of people have really nightmarish problems. That doesn't mean that everyone else loses the right to get help!

I think professional help could help you become a moderate drinker. Certainly it doesn't sound like you're anywhere near the traditional 'rock bottom', so stopping now (and getting help) might mean you don't have to stop forever, as Amphibimum suggests.

Thanks for this. I think I just had an extreme moment of clarity as I typed my first post. I have a drink problem. And I need to get it sorted out, right now. I feel kind of sick, but determined.

good for you - you should feel proud that have faced it so soon. thats half the battle apparently. good luck

Would it help you cut down if you drank wine spritzers?

The fact that you are so worried - and such a different sort of drinker than your friends - seems to point to a problem or potential problem. Good for you to be considering your relationship with alcohol.

Firstly, you have every right to help and I can guarantee you no counsellor (especially one that knows about alcohol related issues) will laugh at you for wanting support. Quite the opposite, likely to take hats off to you the way we are here, for asking for some

And secondly, only you will be able to decide whether a return to moderate/social drinking is an option - or even desirable - for you, or whether abstinence is happier, better, or easier. I wouldn't worry about that at this stage, its something you will need to decide for yourself further down the road.

As for 'traditional rock bottoms' I've no idea what they are, but speaking as a long-time recovering alcoholic, I've heard every sort - from sitting in the gutter shaking through to just feeling depressed or ashamed, or numb. Defining alcoholism is not that easy - but again, don't worry about that, its not today's problem!

ps I remember thinking about the idea of not drinking at all, and feeling as though someone had died - scared, grief-stricken, angry, empty. Looking back, that told me quite a lot

My brother is a recovering alcoholic so I am going to have a talk with him tomorrow. In the past, he has expressed his concerns about my drinking, but I have always dismissed them as nonsense. I think I'm just about ready to admit he's right. Wow, we sound like quite a family, don't we?

Elibean, that's how I feel. I am already panicking about how I will manage over Christmas! I think that says something.

As for rock bottom - I think this might be it for me. Realising that I may put my dcs through even a fraction of my experiences has been a big slap in the face. I never, ever want them to be afraid of me or to feel that I love the booze more than them.

Thanks again, everyone.

Thats great, LLV, re your brother - not that he's had the struggle with alcohol, obviously, but that he's recovering

From what I understand, alcoholism/addiction often runs in families...there may be a genetic component, the jury is still out on that one (unless I'm out of date). And if either of your parents, or grandparents, have issues with alcohol you are almost bound to question your own relationship with it at some point - alcoholic or not.

And having a recovering alcoholic in the family can certainly help avoid the darkest 'rock bottoms' - you sound much more aware, at this stage, than I was!

I think it depends on the person, I was where you are now a few years ago and I realised that I had to stop altogether, although I can now just have the odd drink at a social occasion but it's rare that I do.

The sudden realisation that I was turning into that bloke from Father Ted, (you know the one who has a drink and turns into an obnoxious arsehole) was enough to make me stop tbh.