Prozac and mild depression - any experience out there?

[EmmyLou]

In dealing with DH's on going (10 years or so?) depressions/anger issues/stress, have become quite down myself. Trying to sheild 3 DDs from periods of irrational behavior and detatchment led me to GP who asked me to think about either the pill (with the idea of regulating hormones etc) or prozac. Not sure what to think. I trust this GP, she always takes time to listen and has done well by me in the past.

But am unsure about drug route...

What will prozac do? It will only mask the emotions- it won't help you to deal with them.

Although it is "easy" for me to talk, I would say do without the pills and find a way of dealing with the issues. My work involves supporting people like yourself and there is no way I would recommend pills- they are sticking plaster- they do not address the route cause. They do have a place- if someone is so depressed they cannot get out of bed say- but wouldn't you be better off seeing a counsellor or a coach who can help you deal with what is going on in your life rather than taking a mind- numbing chemical?

Tend to agree with GirlNextDoor. Anti-depressants tend to work for people who are experiencing biological symptoms of depression (reduced/absence of appetite, sleep disturbances, poor motivation and energy levels, poor concentration, reduced libido etc) to the extent that it is impacting on their daily living

I can imagine living with someone with chronic depression and other emotional issus is a major strain. I feel you would benefit from someone for you to talk to, whether that be a professional person or a family support group.

I have had some physical symptoms. We've also had months and months of relate counselling which whilst great (we actually enjoyed having the time together and discussing things in a non threatening environment) but...tbh, I think was just papering over the cracks as DH keeps coming to the brink of realising he needs to sort himself out but this realisation in itself is something of a pressure release valve and things slide away into 'normality' for a while. The cycle then repeats.

I have now refused to carry on like this and have said we absolutely have to get him straight. He's in the process of trying to get psych/counselling set up. The whole thing trashes your self esteem though. I feel shit and feel like I have no resources left. Often feel I am on the verge of panic.
But...can't risk feeling 'zoned out' as one friend described being on prozac.

Hope you don't mind me asking, does your dh have any issues with alcohol or drugs? Are they a 'player' in the scheme of his problems?

I think alcohol plays a part. I've only ever seen him drunk a couple of times in the 15 years i've known him BUT, he drinks in a way I have difficulty relating to. He has a pint of lager/beer or glass of wine in the way I'd have a cup of tea.

A good friend of our who is a recovered/in remission alcoholic thinks DH is an alcoholic too. They are so very different though - this friend went to absolute excess but my DH is more drip feed IYSWIM.

What's your experience of this Notnowbernard?

Emmylou, I have worked with addicts and alcoholics in a professional capacity. And have some personal experience of addiction also (extended family members and a a few friends, too [sad[)

Something in your posts rang a few bells for me. The struggle you have in living with your dh and his issues, the cyclical nature of it (things getting better for a while then slipping back), the anger and depression he is experiencing but never quite managing to 'get on top of it'

How long has your friend been in recovery for? His opinion may well be worth listening to, tbh. IME alcoholism can take many forms. I'd be worried about someone who was drinking like your dh, who had the problems he was having. I mean, if all was well and good with your lives maybe it wouldn't be an issue, but an angry depressive drinking booze like it's tea is another matter

Sorry you are going through this

emmylou- I too have some professional experience in working with people on the receiving end of others' problems. Something struck me in your post "We have to get you straight".

NO_ HE has to get himself sorted out! It is not your problem- although you get the fallout. Unless he wants to change, you cannot help.

I suggest you contact a support group for partners of people like your DH - try AA- and they will best advise. BUT i know they will say "hands off" .

The reason you feel so low is that you are too close to the problem and you need to try and leave him to fight it himself. All the time you initiate things, he will be dependent on you and not take responsibility for it himself.

You need support for YOU and you need to leave him to be an adult and sort himself out- you are his wife- not his mother.

Even if he has to hit rock bottom and you face divorce etc that is the only way forward- otherwise he will keep slipping back.

Get some help- not pills- and good luck.

Al-Anon or Families Anonymous (self-help support groups for those whose lives are affected by someone else's drinking or using) are worth a try

If you Google you should find a link to a group in your area

Thanks for all comments. I know its his problem to deal with, but it becomes my problem too when living with it I suppose. He has made an appointmant for us both at a local clinic/counselling centre, which I perceive as progress of sorts.

I just feel he's slipped through the net before (again ring alcoholic bells for me as he seems to be so good at concealing what really is wrong)and don't want it to happen again.

How I cope in the meantime is my real issue. I'll see how the appointments go.

Thanks all.

Emmylou, I would urge you to get in touch with one of the services I mentioned before. They would go some way in helping you to deal with your dh, but more importantly help you to help yourself. One of the underlying principles they hold is that you can't change a person but you can change your behaviour in order to influence how the other person behaves (if that makes sense!)

Totally agree- rather than see how it goes and wonder how you'll cope,contact 1 of the places suggested by both me and NNB- YOU need help, not just your DH or the two of you as a couple.

By supporting him you MAY be actually doing the wrong thing, as it takes responsibility away from him.

The centre we are going to for appointments is a clinic which also has people that deal with addictions - aswell as family therapies and support etc. I do take the point, which was echoed on Alanon website which I looked at, that I need to think about me and DDs and DH has to sort himself out. In fact, what both of you are saying is similar to what a close friend has been saying for a number of years. Issues from my parents' divorce may have made me too eager to smooth things over and avoid confrontation - or at least, the consequences of the confrontation.
My DH's line of work make it easy to keep finding excuses and long absences don't help either. Lose momentum etc.

I think I need to be more proactive as regards me. You're all right - DH has to sort himself out. I will ask for help for me next Wednesday.

Good luck- you sound very caring, but sometimes people need tough love to help them.

Thanks.

Wishing you lots of luck and good wishes. I echo the 'Tough Love' sentiment, too

It sounds really positive that you have come to the realisation (and acceptance?) that you need to do something for you - and that by doing that you may also help dh in the process

Let us know how you get on