May not be any point posting this as DH has just left in a grump and not sure if he's planning to come back.
General story is that he's quite unwell and has been for 3-5 years, worse in the last3.
He has significant abdominal pain, but can't seem to get a diagnosis..its more specific than IBS and is more like gallbladder/pancreas area but his tests come back normal. I'm not looking for diagnosis here, it either will or won't happen eventually. He had recent surgery to remove a lesion which was benign.
The issue is, how to navigate this. DH has sort of abdicated out of family life, unless it suits him. We have one 3y DC who is spicy and demanding. DH often doesnt get put of bed til after 11am and then potters about with DC for 10mins or so.
DH does zero housework, maybe 10percent food shop. On a good week he picks up DC maybe twice a week and cares for him for 45mins til I finish work. On a bad week I have to finish work early.
DH does go to work, sporadically as he struggles to keep a contract. I'm ok with that and I'm forgiving of lack of domestic help as I'm sure work isn't easy for him. Claiming benefits is difficult without a diagnosis and we have some savings excluding us from some benefits. I work 30 hours pw.
But he's so angry and frustrated and erratic, I feel like a cushion being thrown around. He's not physically violent but verbally agressive.
DH complains when I try to make up work time, like I should be doing house jobs or spending time with DH. Nothing is good enough although he rarely complains about food I cook
When DC was sick recently DH just assumed I'd take unpaid leave to cover it.
DC needs a haircut, DH says he will do it, but then doesn't and will no doubt flip off if I take DC to barbers.
DH is also horribly inappropriate, he will make sexual gestures and comments in front of DC and DHs own mother. He is flippant with people we meet, some seem to take it, but i cringe.
He's also angry with me for not fancying him.anymore, but honestly, I get in bed, on a good day I might have the energy to give him a little personal massage but I rarely get anything in return and I confess I often nod off, bc I'm exhausted.
Our child is a poor sleeper and DH won't get out of bed, so I'm often on the floor or in DCs bed with or without DC. There isn't room for 3 in the bed.
Eggshells, are just exhausting and my own health is suffering from the stress and lack of downtime. I often can't shower as DC would wake DH etc.. sort of given up waiting for him to rise before we eat bc I was starving every afternoon.