Could dh have aspergers syndrome?

[mymittens]

I'v ebeen wondering this for a while ude to some of dh's behaviour. He has a well paid demanding job and is of well above average intelligence. He interacts very well with ds and other children. He does alot fo practical things roundf the house. However here's the list of things he does/has done which makes me wonder about aspergers:1. he has no friends and therefore doesn't socialise outside work. 2, he has trouble in social situations, eg making small talk, greeting/leaving people appropriately , 3. doesn't make much eye contact when speaking 4. has difficulty controlling anger, often saying spiteful things. 5 had an ex girlfrind who killed herself. he couldn't cope with it and didn't arrange a funeral and told her friend she moved away when they tried to contact her.6 had so many sexual partners and college, he can;t remember how many.7 moves thing along very quickly in relationships. 8 when there was big liklihood we were going to split up, he was in denail of it. Please let me know what you think. Thanks

Are you being serious?
If so, what difference will it make?

He sounds like a man, tbh,.

I'm no expert, I'm sure there are loads of people on here with more experience than me, but I did read somewhere that autism and Aspergers are not conditions but a description of behaviour and that most people, and esp most men display characteristics that will appear on the autism/aspergers behaviour pattern spectrum.

Goober - why are you asking if i'm serious? I'm genuinely concerned and that's why i posted

I'm sure you are concerned, but I'm not really sure what you can do about it. How would he react if you talked about this with him?

Maybe you can talk to your GP about this and ask fro some advice?

I have talked to dh about it and he could see that he dispays some of the behaviours typical of aspergers. We've agreed not to see gp as he doesn't want it on recrods because of his job. the counsellor we saw when we were having problems has knowledge of the condition

It does sound like maybe a sort of personality disorder, but it is hard to say what. I think a referral from your GP might be the best place to start - he could be assessed and you would know more, maybe find ways to cope with the behaviours better etc.

Not sure if it would have to be disclosed to his work though - might be risky, but if he is already valuable to them I don't think it would stop them employing him iyswim?

I would be a bit worried about the ex girlfriend story btw. Are you sure that is what happened, without widshing to cast aspersions it does sound very odd.

The sexual partners thing and the denial also ring alarm bells with me, I am trying not to think sociopathy, will look it up and get back to you!

No that was the wrong word. I will have another search and see what I can find.
He isn't a sociopath!

Have a read of this, it has several variations of a personality disorder - you might be able to find the one that best matches.

If they don't seem right, maybe it is a form of aspergers - I don't know enough about that to say.

I hope you find an answer anyway x

I think I might phoen out counsellor and arrnage to see her again to discuss this. Dh id ok about me doing this and has said he'll go to see her too

I work with children with Aspergers as part of what I d.

The traits you mention could be there for so many different reasons. What made you pick on Aspergers?

Have you considered that he does not have a condition as such, but this is just how he is?

There are many other traits of Aspergers that you DON'T mention here- and imo he doesn't sound as if he has it. If he did- what then? There is no "cure" so why do you want a label?
Reading between the lines, you seem to be unhappy with and judgemental of his behaviour- and almost looking for label to pin on him. Why?

There is no counsellor who could diagnose Aspergers based on what you tell her- they are not qualified anyway to diagnose it and more to the point, they only have your view of the situation.

I would be extremely unhappy if my husband exhibited these behaviours.

A label might enable the OP to excuse some of them, whereas if he is just 'like this' without a medical reason, I would think it less likely that the marriage could continue happily.

He is not her child, also - if it were a child you would potentially be able to accept them despite any label or absence thereof - with a grown man who is not literally your responsibility, it is slightly more objective I suppose.

I suppose i am a bit unhappy with some of these behaviours. the girlfriend issue is the most disturbing but it was 13 yearago now. I do want to stay with him and i yes, i guess it would be easier to accept his behaviour if i know there was a reason for it rather than him just appearing rude and aloof. he's happy to come out with my friends but doesn't have his own. i dont; feel i'm being judgmental, i'm just concerned. Flllight, i can see why you'd be unhappy if your husband could behave like this, but in many ways he's a very good dh and dad

My FiL is like this he cannot TOLERATE social situations and sometimes comes accross as downright rude and nasty.

I work with kids on the ASD and Aspergers is a tricky one, many men display these traits and there is a theory that Aspergers is just a form of "extreme maleness" (a phrase coined by the male psychiatrist who I work with BTW).

I've also done (extremely detailed) autism specific developmental histories and often the Mum will come to the end and say "that's my husband!". i think ASD traits are becoming increasingly normalised in our society and it's no longer seen as a disorder more of a different way of being.

Hope that helps

My dh does say he enjoys most of the social occasions we go on. he just appears a bit detached from the people there and i suppose very shy. he's always keen to goout with my friends, for dinner, days out, etc. "Extreme maleness" sounds like a very meaningful term. We did afemala dn male brain test once - and he come out right at the top of the male end!!

Can I just add that thee are many traits MISSING from your DHs profile as described here- many AS have a fear of change, and are obsessional. he doesn't seem to have those. I am sure that MANY MNs could identify with his issues over social situations and friends.

It seems to me that he has problems with social interaction-and possibly very low self-esteem- he may have not wanted to be truthful over the ex girlfriend who committed suicide as he felt in some way responsible/guilty. That does not mean he has Aspergers. In fact, it seems to show a social awareness that is missing in AS- they would have just said what had happened in a very matter of fact way.

Even if he has AS he could learn to behave differently- part of the "treatment" is getting them to be more socially aware and to try to make eye contact etc etc.

The bottom line here is- does HE want to change? is it making a problem in your marriage? I would suggest that if he wants to change, he sees his GP and asks for referral for CBT.

There really is nothing you can do on your own- he has to want to change his behaviour.

Thanks fo rthat "gitlnextdoor". I doesn't cause much of a problem - i just know that's how he is. In the same way he know i'm very emotional. get easily stressed, etc! I got worried after reading something about aspergers and reeading that dh showed a number of similarities

I didn't mean it as a criticism that I would be unhappy - just trying to defend you for asking about it. I am glad he is able to be a good husband and father, that is great
Glad that you want to keep the relationship, as well.