Long term chronic health issue suffers - how do you constantly 'keep your pecker up'?

[MonsterMunchforbreakfast]

I have a myriad of annoying health issues which have been going on for years and years. Daily digestive issues, gynae problems including endometriosis, adenomyosis, anxiety, depression, adhd and most probably joint hypermobility (have a GP appointment later today to discuss this).

Throw in older age (early 50's), perimemopause and elderly/unwell parents and I can honestly say that over the last year or so my mental and physical health have taken such a nose dive that every day is a battle to resist crawling back upstairs and fling myself in to my bed.

I don't though, I try to be kind to myself but I still have to work very part time (although that in itself is getting harder), walk the dog every day which I need as it's my only form of exercise, check in on my parents 4-5 times a week (mum has advancing dementia) and be a half functioning wife to my dh and mum to my 17 and 20 year old. Not much left in me to socialise and keep friendships going these days though but right now I really don't care about that.

I am frankly, bloody miserable. No energy, little spare money due to not working much, anticipatory grief from watching my dear old mum slowly fading away over the last few years, battling with my very grumpy dad and trying to help my young adult kids navigate their own lives has taken it out of me.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you get through each day whilst everyone around you seems to be making the absolute most out of their lives (working, travelling, having fun etc)? I sometimes feel as though I am living in some parallel universe looking in.

It is very hard - I am widowed (so have to deal with the loneliness and coping with everything on my own), have serious heart problems (stent, pacemaker, atrial fibrillation), desperate nerve pain in arm/hand/shoulder/leg/back all of which keep me awake at night, bladder and bowel problems - I could go on.

How do I keep going? - sheer bloody-mindedness! I am determined all this will not bring me down. But believe me it is a hell of an effort.

I'm older than you but been through the elderly parent stage with my mum dying while I was mid breast cancer treatment so I know where you are.
On the face of it I should have a nice life. Retired, comfortable but it's been just one health problem after another for 7 years now. Most of them are stable and managed with more drugs than I would like but rheumatoid arthritis has been causing me grief for the last two years. It's one step forwards and one step back. I get a treatment that works but the side effects are so bad that I'm questioning whether I prefer the RA pain.
I do sometimes resent others my age and older who have never been ill and have no clue what it's like to have chronic pain.
How do I cope? Mostly I do. I try not to moan all the time to poor DH. I try to do as much as I can to keep fit and healthy. My DC are two lovely young men in their 20s who I see regularly and I try to socialise to some extent. I do say no though to many things.

It’s a very good question and I’m finding it challenging atm.

I have digestive issues which mean I have to eat a restrictive diet so holidays, eating out, parties are not the same as they once were. I can’t drink anything apart from water/herbal tea, or eat anything remotely exciting so I ask for water and plain fish/chicken/veg. I went off-piste over Xmas as had had a very stressful few weeks, but it’s taken me a week to get over that digestion-wise.

Also due to another health condition I can’t drive currently so my independence is limited esp as I could have a seizure while out and come to physical harm.
These are diagnoses that have been given since perimenopause (am mid-50s), before 48 I was pretty much ok.

So unf I rely on DH and his driving me about, or I go out and hope my meds are keeping me safe.

I’m also dealing with some upheaval w my adult DCs and too much stress sets me off too.

The whole thing just makes me so frustrated and fed up tbh. I used to really fear dying but now (for me) I feel I’ve lived my ‘fun’ life, so I’m not really worried about it now (I don’t want to actively die or be in pain but don’t really want to live so restrictively for the next 25 or so years either - does that make sense?).

I feel bad for DH as he’s older than me but I’m the one with the shit health. I just on with it as best I can and hope meds are doing their thing.

I’m finding it challenging too. I’m 53 and I would give anything to stop working as it feels like the straw that would break the camel’s back but at the same time I need the money from working!

I spent so much of my life being 100% healthy too but I just never fully recovered from COVID and it’s so shit. I don’t think I’m ever going to be well again and as you say on top of adult kids and ageing parents, it all feels too much.

you have my sympathy!

Honestly, I just crawl from day today. I’m 6 years in and it’s only got gradually harder. I try to look for the little things that bring me joy, but to be honest, they are hidden under the constant avalanche of misery that poor health and fatigue brings.