Help coping with chronic fatigue

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After struggling with various symptoms for over a year, I was diagnosed with a neuroma and told that any treatment would make my symptoms worse. It's been a bit of a blow - I was hanging on in the hope that I could have the treatment and regain some normality in my life.
One of the symptoms is chronic fatigue and I'm really struggling with it. Tablets control some of the other symptoms, and I've been told they may be adding to the fatigue problems. I don't know what to do - I haven't been able to work for 6 months (this is down to other symptoms too) and I'm struggling to manage my life. Luckily my kids are grown, but I'm also trying to care for my mum, who has stage 4 cancer, and support my elderly, diabetic dad.
Some days I do feel like I can manage but other days I can hardly get out of bed.
Anyone have any wise words/tips?

Do you have a dp or anyone else that can help? The main thing with fatigue is to do as little as possible to try and regain some strength but it’s not always possible when you have caring responsibilities

I have a lovely DP but we don't live together, and he works away for months at a time. It is much easier when he's home, but then I feel bad because I can't go out the way I used to, or do much.

Pacing is the main recommendation for CFS, it takes some practice to get right (and you'll probably still have days where you take on too much and then end up in a crash because sometimes life is like that).

https://meassociation.org.uk/literature/items/pacing-activity-and-energy-management/ - there's a leaflet here if you wanted something to read or there are some videos about online.

Thank you, that's very helpful. It's not ME but the principle is the same, I'm guessing? I feel like I did quite well pacing myself on the run up to Christmas but I've been rubbish since, really having to drag myself around. It's so frustrating and for the first time I'm having a real sense of loss for my old life/body.

I think the acceptance that this is how life is right now is the hardest part. I agree with the pacing advice and you have to also prioritise yourself otherwise you will crash and be good for no one.

I have had chronic fatigue for over 20 years as a symptom of a medical condition. People see me at my best and don't see the woman sat on the sofa not able to do anything. It is like I live a lie.

Look at ways to make your life easier so for me that was batch cooking so I had pull out of the freezer meals ready to go. Ordering click and collect food delivery from the supermarket or a full delivered shop. Paced myself with laundry and learned that no one dies if I don't hoover.

If you can afford it at all a cleaner. For some weird reason I find hoovering absolutely exhausting so I don't do a whole house like I used to be portion it out over the week.

For the mindset part remind yourself that you are still capable of doing X,Y, Z and focus on the positive. It is very easy to negative spiral your thoughts with what you can't do. Learn that life at a slower pace isn't bad.

Unfortunately as others have said, acceptance and pacing are your two main options here. I had ME/CFS with severe fatigue for 7 years and things got alot better when I stopped fighting it. I kept thinking 'mind over matter' and trying to push through, only to end up worse and worse. You need to strip your life back to the absolute bare minimum, outsource absolutely everything you can and try to find a baseline where you can function. Then try to stay there via pacing and not pushing yourself beyond your 'energy envelope'. When you are resting try to get proper rest - do some meditation or listen to a relaxing audio book rather than scrolling on your phone etc
There are a few supplements that may help a bit - looking into rhodiola, co enzyme q10, Magnesium, b12 and creatine

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is

Thank you. It's hard to hear. I feel so rubbish but you're right, I can manage quite a lot if I ruthlessly prioritise and focus on what I can do. I just keep making plans I used to make (seeing friends, trips etc) and then remembering I can't do it. Or might not be able to. Can't afford a cleaner, sadly, I'm living off savings. I feel bereft.

I agree prioritisation is really important. I saw a fatigue coach when I first got ill as I couldn’t cope at all. She taught me to plan out my week. E.g if I want to see friends on a Wednesday, I can’t do anything on a Thursday/Friday and should probably keep Tuesday clear too. I also worked out that anything using my arms made me a lot more tired (like hoovering or doing the washing) so I try and spread out the cleaning and keep the tasks on separate days. Unfortunately I’m still working and that has to take priority because I need to pay the bills.

it’s absolutely soul destroying fatigue and most people will never get how exhausting life feels. It’s like a cloud over everything that ruins your enjoyment of life.

yeah hoovering more than 1 small space and things like cleaning the bathroom I just do not do. That is a job for dh currently.

meeting people out is a really draining thing, even visitors are draining for me. I don't have many though.

This is good advice. 'Pushing through' is exhausting. Accepting is refreshing. I had severe Post Viral Fatigue for about three years.

I learned to do things for 2-5 minutes and then rest for 15-45 mins. the aim was to try and do what I needed or wanted to do about 20-25% of the time, and rest for the rest. It worked.

Simplify everything you can simplify: robot vacuum cleaner and dishwasher; healthy meals that take less than 10 mins to prep and use very few pans. Or good quality ready meals. Put laundry on mixed load cycles. Don't iron anything. Hang shirts, smooth trousers over radiators. Most things don;' need ironing.

Do 2 minute tidy ups while the kettle boils. Then rest while you have tea. Or put the rubbish out while the kettle boils. Then rest and have tea etc. 2 minute surface wipes. Then rest. Do one small job at a time. Clean your teeth, then polish the bathroom mirror. When you wash your hands, polish the tap or basin afterwards. Have a bath, change the towels. That way you never have a big bathroom clean to do.

I honestly learned how to keep my home in reasonable order by doing something for 2-5 minutes. I still do.

If you are ill, you can't be your mum's carer. She needs other help until you recover, or permanently if this won't go away. Get someone else to do the grunt work so you can just be her daughter.