Help-Finding sex very difficult 1 year on!

[SheBangsTheDrums]

I'm new on here so am not sure I'm posting in the right topic.

In a nutshell DD is 1 in a fortnight (we also have a 29 month old DS) and I'm still finding sex very painful.

None of my old friends who I can talk to about things like this have children and it's not really the thing I can bring up over tea at toddler groups so I could do with some anon advice

We didn't attempt to resume a sexlife until she was 6 months as she was permenantly breastfeeding so we've probably only "done it" about 5 or 6 times each time I've been in agony and it's stung like mad for the next day when I've gone for a wee. DH is very understanding, gentle and is putting me under no pressure whatsoever but I'm getting in a trap now of dreading sex and tensing up when I think about it.

I want to see if anyone else has been in this sort of situation 1 year on or can offer any advice before I go cringing to my GP!!!

Did you tear or have stitches?

I had a small tear but didn't have any stiches

There are quite a lot of us over on the Childbirth board. Are you still breastfeeding now? I found things very difficult until I had finished breastfeeding, it impaired the healing, as we as reducing lubrication. I was prescribed some hormone cream to normalise things in my vagina, and some dilators as my "capacity" had been reduced.
Most people would recommend a course of wine, foreplay and lots of lube, but there is nothing wrong with going to your GP and getting things checked out properly. There are things that can be done.

I stopped breastfeeding at 7.5 months. I've tried wine but tend to fall asleep!! We use lots of lube but it makes no difference.
I know a trip to the GP is in order but I'm ridiculously shy about such things.

OK, so you've done all the sensible things. I think you're right that it's time to get proper help. The thing that keeps me going to the embarrassing appointments, where I have to describe my sex life , is that I feel that I'm fighting for my relationship and our sex life and it's well worth fighting for. DH is very supportive and keeps telling me that he is sure that we will work things out, and that keeps me going.

Go to the GP, I did it and he was lovely. I tore really badly, my son is 1 in a month and we have "done it" twice. I am back to see the physio tomorrow. She had recommended dilators, and increase their size, as sometimes you just get too tight . I never got them, but think I might have to invest.

Would you think the Family Planning Clinic Dr might be any use?
It takes weeks to get an apt at my GPs, months if I request the 1 lady Dr. The FPC is on tonight so I could strike whilst the iron's hot so to speak!

I think it might be worth a chat with them, and they could probably offer advice. Whilst feeling brave go for it....

Just wanted to add that I had a really similar problem - just as you describe with the pain and stinging the next day etc - not after a baby but the 'first time round' when I first became sexually active - not just the first time but for a long while and still now if I'm a bit, ahem, out of practice. (I am just quite "small" I think.) The dilators really help (I had 'Amielle' ones) - I used them when I was 17 or 18 because before them I couldn't use tampons; and again when I wanted to start sleeping with someone - and 'practice' is key too - your body adjusts eventually, but if you go too long between each attempt you sort of have to start again at the beginning. Wait until you are fine with the biggest or second to biggest dilator before you try with your husband, because as you've found a really painful attempt makes the problem worse psychologically. It takes quite a lot of self control from your partner, but if you can ask him to go really really slowly and also to 'stop' and hold completely still at each stage for quite a while - a minute or so (which seems a long time!) - while you get used to it, that really helps too as it gives you a chance to relax. My partner actually found this inching progression quite exciting, so you can make it a positive thing and it's good for encouraging communication between you. Good luck - you really can sort it out.

Go and see your GP- it doesn't have to be the female one, the blokes are trained in vaginas too! No need to be embarrassed either, it really is just a job to us GPs and noone will be chatting about your ladybits over coffee later.

The FPC may be able to help you, but won't be able to refer you to a gynaecologist or physio if that is needed.