Husband keeps going on holiday every month.

[Giantmary]

I've been married 47 years we split for a year got back together kept our own flats.my arthritis really bad so can't really get out .he helps me gets my shopping .some cleaning. I think him. He said he needs to get away every month on his own as I can't go .nearby I can 2 or 3 times a year. I don't think he should be going away like this he's away now I have no one im 65 he's 67 .what do people think I told him I can't carry on like this .

in all due respect, I think you're using the term "husband" quite loosely here! what does he bring to your partnership other than doing your shopping and cleaning? Keeping on top of 2 household is tiring, it's no wonder he needs a break.

Well i can’t see why he has to be resigned to staying just because you are…

The I also think you should ease yourself into doing more! My dm has very very bad arthritis, she gets injections monthly for it and still has flare ups. She is always off travelling.

Are your finances separated? If so, I guess you’re leading such separate lives it would be difficult to make a case for him not to go. Do you have anyone to get your shopping while he’s not around?

So where does he go every month OP?
It sounds as though he is leading a double life

How often did you go away when you were together?

I don't think he should be going away like this

Why?

It sounds more like he's a carer or a close friend than a husband, if you live separately and he's dropping in with food and supplies, and cleaning for you.

If he can afford to go away, I can see why he wants to. If you make him stay to care for you, he's quite likely to feel resentful in the end, and it could cause another split. Has he made sure you've got food?

Can you do things to improve the arthritis? Surely you'd see benefits being somewhere warmer, and even if you just sit somewhere with a nice drink and people watch, it'd boost your spirits more than staying at home?

If you can't go on like this are you seeking a divorce?

Its not fair to expect him to have no life because you choose not too. Sounds more like a carer than a husband, maybe if you treated him like a husband hed be inclined not to go away as much? People forget how stressful it is being a carer.

I I'd be sad that in my retirement I couldn't go away as and when I wanted. It's not like it's going to get easier for either of you. I'd hope that I'd still be trying to grab life and squeeze all I can out of it in my 60s and beyond.

Can you try to jazz things up at home? Plan some day trips / shorter holidays that you could manage. Something new and interesting?

Being in such pain is no joke, but I don't think caring / cleaning is the easiest thing either.

If you really cannot carry on will you pursue divorce?

He cares for you for a thank you? That’s very kind of him.

He also wants to go away while he can, that’s good self-care, and that’s important too.

Compromise is great.